The Cosmic Kid

Prince-iples of Love

2011-04-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

If any of you have had the pleasure (or displeasure) speaking to me to me for more than 10 seconds within this past year then you already know about my current obsession: Bollywood films. I love the big dance numbers, the colors, the songs - all the generic reasons why Westerners would like such films. I love the gentle nature of the love stories and the modesty in

leaving more than just a little to the imagination but I mostly love the films because of the one, the only Mr. Shah Rukh Khan. To me, and to many others, he is the ultimate Hindi Film star (only to be topped by respected screen legends.) As an actor he's got it all. He's talented, handsome, likable and for the most part, scandal free. In his films he's the perfect gentleman: romantic, sensitive, and caring (not to mention he looks damn good in a Kurta.) It's been about a year since I began watching his films in heavy rotation and I've noticed a great shift in the kind of men that I am attracted to because well, the men I am attracted to these days look a hell of a lot like Shah Rukh Khan. Thick dark hair, tan skin, brown eyes and of course, a big nose. I can't explain what it is about a big nose that I find attractive, there's just a certain je ne sais quoi about a big honker in the middle of someone's face. I imagine that, like Shah Rukh, men with larger noses would understand the beauty of this feature and use it as tools for romancing me during our courtship - like Shah Rukh does in his films. In lieu of kisses, he uses his nose to woo his on-screen heroines; stroking their necks with this ever-so-sexy, but not-so-subtly pronounced protrusion during romantic songs. Trust me, it's amazing.

Of course, life doesn't stop just because I want to indulge in 3-hour long movies on a regular basis. When I wasn't preoccupied with Bollywood watching, I was, like lots of ladies in their early 20s, somewhat occupied with and/or entertaining the idea of finding a boyfriend. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. The problem is, there's only one SRK so who on God's good green earth was I supposed to date now that I'd found him? I had a solution. After a year of pining away for King Khan I had pretty much come to the conclusion that my life's mission was to either a) Go to Mumbai and make Shah Rukh fall in love with me b) Go to Mumbai and convince his wife that entering into a "sister wives" type of situation wouldn't be half bad or c) find a man who looks exactly like him and claim him for my own. C seemed like the best bet, and so it went. Anyone who looked remotely like SRK got at least an extended gaze on my behalf and everyone else was practically invisible. While trying to find an SRK look-a-like to romance me might sound amusing, it does pose some problems, namely the fact that in doing so, a single lady like myself is removing the majority of the eligible male population from consideration. But it wasn't my fault! SRK had completely ruined me for other men. Sure other guys have the potential to be nice, moderately attractive and have these little things called "personalities" (I hear they're important) but even so, they would never have SRK's passion, his sincerity or his nose! Just when I thought The Baadshah had completely skewed my expectations for male suitors, I made a great discovery. SRK was not changing my vision of the perfect man, he was simply fitting into a pre-existing mold, one that had been in place since childhood. My ideas about boys and men and what I perceived to be perfection had already been ingrained in me since I was 5 years old, thanks to the 1992 release of the Disney animated film Aladdin. That was it! I was and still am in constant search of my Aladdin - my dashing Prince in pauper's clothing (or is it the other way around?). I finally figured it out! My incessant Bollywood watching hadn't influenced by decisions about men, but my childhood favorite, my first crush, my first "hero" had. All I wanted from life (aside from money, a job, security, good health etc.) was a romantic, tan boyfriend who was not opposed to the occasional song and dance number.

For the past 19 years I had been (unbeknownst to me) in search of my Disney Prince - and let's be honest, what girl isn't? When we're young we act like it's all about the Princesses. We strive to be like them - dress like them, act like them, do our hair like them (I did mine like Jasmine's, obviously)- but the truth is that we only copy them because we believe that by doing this, we too will find a Prince. Our true focus from the very start is not on our favorite Princess but their dashing male counterpart. They are our first real idea of who men (aside from our fathers) are supposed to be. The men who will romance us, fight for us and eventually marry us (because good Princesses don't live in sin.) They are always handsome, well coiffed, seemingly tall and driven by their love for a woman with whom they have had minimal contact (I don't know about you but this is sounding very Bollywood to me). While others might go for Eric from the little Mermaid or Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty, I have always fancied myself an Aladdin girl. Unlike those other Princes, Aladdin has a little bit of everything. He's brave, resourceful, romantic and loyal. Plus he has absolutely no body hair (plus!), no nipples (not necessarily a plus or minus but the absence of said nipples makes his pecs look bigger) and a strong nose, just like mama likes. True, he's not a real Prince but the fact that he's a commoner (ok a "street rat") only makes him more endearing, relatable and adds to the feeling of excitement when he eventually does become a Prince. Who does't love a rags to riches story? An orphan to a prince is pretty impressive (so is Delhi boy to Bollywood superstar, Shah Rukh. Don't worry, we haven't forgotten you.) Simply put, Aladdin (also known as Prince Ali Ababwa) is my perfect man. He grew up poor so you know he's scrappy, he's friends with a monkey so you know he's open minded and he fell in love with Jasmine when he thought she was a beggar so you know he's not in it for the money. Of course, like all men, he lies - but I think he learned his lesson from the whole Jaffar situation and emerged a more emotionally mature young man.

We have to consider, of course, that in the film Aladdin is supposed to be from the Arabian city

of Agrabah so my deepseeded love for him cannot completely explain my obsession with Indian born ShahRukh Khan but considering the ambiguous nature of character's ethnicities in the film (that's a nice way of me saying that Disney wasn't necessarily going for accuracy with this one) coupled with a 5 year old American child's lack of exposure to other cultures, it all sort of makes sense. Plus look at the Sultan's palace and tell me it's not a cartoon version of the Taj Mahal. Just try and tell me!

So what' the solution to all of this? Well, there really isn't one - I just realized it was a problem, what do you expect from me? Finding a real life version of my Prince - a tan, follicle-ly blessed orphan - is virtually impossible and I've already done it once (I'm looking at you, Shah Rukh) so the chances of doing it twice are slim to none. Thanks to Disney's unrealistic depiction of young men, I can't honestly say if I'll ever find my Aladdin but if Kim Kardashian's rise to fame is any indication, guys are digging the Jasmine look (and the genetic anomaly that is responsible for her insane body proportions) - maybe I'll try and go for that and see if my luck changes. Until then I'll be practicing my speed reading skills with constant viewings of subtitled Hindi films and anxiously awaiting the future arrival of the Band Baaja Baraat DVD (starring another Aladdin look-a-like) which, according to Netflix, will be arriving in about, oh, 6 months.

Bollywood Bliss

2010-01-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

As you may have noticed, I like a lot of strange things that don't necessarily go together - Olympic swimmers, singers from New Jersey and teenage heartthrobs to name a few. In addition to these things, I've always had this strange fascination with India. Ok not always but ever since we studied Hinduism in my 6th grade social studies class I've always found America to be a bit lacking. Anyway, based on this 2 week study of religion my 6th grade self actually very strongly considered converting to Hinduism which eventually, due in part by my Jewish mother's disapproval, never happened. It was not until about 12 years later that my lovely friend Eve informed me that the minor technicality of having non-Hindu parents slightly hindered my chances - the verdict is still out. One thing I do take pride in, however, is the fact that amongst the various ethnicities I am assumed to be I am often asked if I am Indian - and I've always had the secret desire to just say yes because sometimes I wish it were true. But alas, The Peruvian Jew must stay as such - but there were always movies to feed my interest.

In any case, I always thought certain things about the culture were particularly fascinating. I hate to sound like the typical American completely lacking in knowledge of foreign cultures but if you've ever seen, attended or googled an Indian wedding you have to admit that anything Martha Stewart could ever whip up pales in comparison - literally. (Pale - adjective - lacking intensity of color; colorless.) During middle school and High School I watched different movies about the country and through that, ended up with a modest collection of Hindi songs to bob my head along to on the morning commute (one of which I can "sing" completely yet know none of the actual words - kind of like all the Selena songs I love to "sing" at karaoke.) Most of these movies were either made by American or English filmmakers, generally about immigration, culture shock and the hilarity that ensues. It was not until very recently that I began watching movies made by the Indian film industry - otherwise known as Bollywood.

Strange story as to how this all started, really. One night I was eating dinner at this restaurant called Tantric in Boston. It's an Indian restaurant and part of their shtick is to show music/dance scenes from various films. Once scene in particular caught my eye because it featured a very attractive young man doing a dance with a lot of kicking involved. I didn't know what his name was but I felt the need to tell the waiter how cute he was, and I did. He didn't care. Anyhow, since I didn't know who this guy was there was no way of googling or youtubing him so I could drool all over my keyboard so I had no other choice but to moved on with my dinner and my life. A few weeks later for some reason that I can't seem to remember I googled the term "googly eyes" - you know, those weird plastic eyes they put on puppets so it looks like they're really excited when you shake them. Anyway, so I google "googly eyes" and whose picture pops up? The cute guy doing the dance with all the kicking! I found out that his name was Shahid Kapoor and this Shahid Kapoor had quite the list of movies on netflix I chose one called "Kismat Konnection" and fell in love with it. Some of my friends who are more well versed in Bollywood than I insisted that this movie was pretty sub par but I loved it, little did I know that there was a whole world of films out there for me to see - most of which would make Kismat Konnection look like Glitter in comparison.

Like most things I love intensely, I forget them after a few weeks. Shahid Kapoor was no more. After watching Vivah I had pretty much had enough - and if you see Vivah you'll understand why. There were so many other things to focus on! Graduation, Bruce concerts... you know, important things. Before I knew it, it was Christmas time and just when I had forgotten all about my love Shahid Kapoor on December 25th 2009 I was the lucky recipient of the Kismat Konnection DVD. It instantly re-sparked my love for Bollywood and I wanted more. Now as kismat (fate) would have it ONTD (my favorite internet playground) had some posts floating around about this new movie called My Name is Khan that looked pretty interesting. I remembered hearing about the film because the star, Shah Rukh Khan, was detained by airport security on a trip to the US a while back - Newark Airport, as Arnold Diaz would say shame shame shame shame on you! Around the same time these posts kept popping up a friend and of mine showed me this amazing musical sequence from the movie Dil Se on youtube and low and behold, there he was again! Then the pieces came together. He was not only the guy from the ONTD posts but he was the guy from all the phone ads I had scene at the Metropark station while riding New Jersey transit. And he was the guy who presented with Freida Pinto at the Golden Globes. I have no idea what compelled me but I began looking for more clips of this guy on youtube and I instantly fell in love... and lust. Sexiness, thy name is Shah Rukh! Little did I know that this guy happened to be the guy in the Indian film industry - lovingly known as King Khan.

I deferred to my friend Shivani - otherwise known as my Indian cousin. Instead of aimlessly adding movies to my netflix queue I figured she could offer me some direction. She suggested I see some movies that starred my new found love Shah Rukh Khan (otherwise known as SRK) alongside Kajol because, as she put it, "they have the best chemistry." Now I have to admit that I was a big skeptical because I wondered if this so-called chemistry was culturally based - sort of like America's fascination with Jennifer Aniston. Do not get it. I wasn't sure if I would love this Bollywood couple as much as their fans did but I gave it a shot anyway because to be honest any SRK is better than no SRK. Thanks to someone's much appreciated tireless efforts, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai in it's entirety was available on youtube, so I sat at my computer on a cold monday morning wearing my bright blue snuggie and watched. And watched. And watched. These movies are 3 hour musical epics, people! So you better go to the bathroom before they start!  Just when I thought I couldn't love SRK enough, my love reached a new level and not only did I love my dear, delicious SRK but I loved my dear, delicious SRK and Kajol - just Youtube the gazebo scene and you'll understand what I mean. Her sweet, natural beauty and lively femininity was the perfect counterpart to his masculine,  humorous and often angry-looking sexiness. They are the original Kate and Leo - only they dance and lip sync. I laughed, I cried (within the first ten minutes) - it was better than CATS. This movie had me so excited I was just bursting to talk about it. It was like I had this amazing secret and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell everyone about this movie - whether they wanted to listen to me or not. And for the most part it was "not" - not that that stopped me from talking about it. I had discovered a treasure and I wanted people to know! I had gotten so excited about this movie that I had not even realized that on the totem pole of Bollywood awesomeness I was focusing all my energy on what was only a middle to upper wood carving of Shah Rukh Khan's face (well, at least in my universe that's what totem poles look like.) Oh silly Candace, you did not know that the best was yet to come.

After taking 3 effing hours to deliver the mail on a Saturday afternoon the mail woman decided I was worthy enough to get my DVD copy of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (DDLJ) courtesy of netflix - a film that is perhaps one of the most beloved Bollywood movies of all time. I'm no expert but the little I do know of this movie is this: it's made a LOT of money in various countries around the world and still sell out in theaters 15 years after its release. The DVD has about 16 different options for subtitles - which I think that speaks to its popularity don't you? It's also one of only two Hindi films included in the list of 1001 Movies to See Before You Die - so I was guessing it had to be pretty good. Pretty good? Pretty good? There were no words to describe just how good this movie was. Kuch Kuch Hota Who?! THIS was a 3 hour musical masterpiece. I laughed, I cried - scratch that - I pretty much bawled my eyes out. Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol really are the original Kate and Leo only better! Better because they're multilingual, have great hair, make you weep while singing you a sweet Hindi tune and make multiple movies together so you have more love to look forward to. If you like Titantic, West Side Story, Romeo and Juliet or any great love story you have got to get your hot little hands on this movie. Just don't forget the Kleenex - and maybe even a little Xanax because this one is an emotional roller coaster that might leave you a little vulnerable once it's done. 

DDLJ has only awakened the Bollywood beast within. I have a huge list of movies to see and I don't think I've been this excited for the arrival of my Netflix since...well ever. Glitz, glamor, music, choreography, drama, action, romance, Shah. Rukh. Khan! If you like, or love any of those things I highly suggest finding yourself a Bollywood movie to watch. Sure you'll need to set aside about 3 hours in your day but it is more than worth your time. I found myself so much more emotionally invested in these characters than I had been in any of characters featured in American movies - at least any that I can remember in recent years. Okay so some of the scenes can be a little cheesy but it's up to you to go along with it or not and I promise you'll love it if you do. Plus I don't think it's any cheesier than "When In Rome" and I know a lot of idiots who are bound to see that crap movie. Give it a shot - it'll save you 12 bucks at the theater and provide a completely new kind of escapism most movies can only hope to offer. 

For you nonbelievers here's a little treat from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

Bruce Springsteen: New Jersey Native, Savior of Lost Souls

2009-10-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

When you think of Bruce Springsteen what comes to mind? Sleeveless shirts, headbands, New Jersey, that infamous jaw/underbite and an underage Courtney Cox dancing on stage. When I think of Bruce Springsteen what comes to mind is sleeveless shirts, headbands, New Jersey, that infamous jaw/underbite and salvation. While those iconic 80s images I previously mentioned are pretty much embedded in our minds, as an avid Bruce Springsteen fan I'd like people who are not as familiar with the one they call The Boss to understand why he is so beloved in the Garden state and beyond.

I first discovered the magic of the Boss about two and a half years ago. I was watching some random video countdown show on VH1 and Springsteen's video for Radio Nowhere was on. The first thing I thought was "Hey! That's Max Weinberg!" The second thing I thought was "He looks old!" and the third thing I thought was "this song is pretty good." I later downloaded the song and proceeded to play it again and again over the course of the next few days; even forcing a friend in one of my psychology classes to listen to a riff that I particularly enjoyed. I thought that I should give the entire album a chance since that one song gave me such enjoyment. Needless to say I loved the entire album and soaked up as much Springsteen as possible then on. I remember reading a review of his his latest album entitled "Magic" which mentioned that the sound of the album was very reminiscent of his "Born to Run" record, a release from 1975. I figured that as a new Springsteen fan it was my duty to do my homework and get some of the old stuff.

Rather than going all the way back I cheated a little and went straight for the first commercial success, 1975's Born to Run - the album that made Springsteen a superstar. When you listen to the album it's easy to understand why it made him famous but it's hard for me to explain my attachment to the record. It's very rare when you listen to an album and it makes you feel like the artist has given you something; something that cannot be expressed in words. Sure the songs were good and I enjoyed them but more than that his songs gave me a sense of understanding and belonging - that all the longing, emptiness or loneliness I had felt, he had felt. He was able to take all of this and transform it into something beautiful and meaningful. His songs, to me, meant that my confusion as a young adult was something universal and that my dissatisfaction with my situation was not a result of my selfishness but of my humanity. These songs made me feel more connected to my own emotions and to the world than I had ever felt before. I was as though all those unsettled feelings and unwanted thoughts were finally put into words and suddenly made ok; it was ok to think and feel the way that I did because he thought and felt this way too. And it was beautiful. I just kept thinking "how did he know?" How did he know how I felt? How did he know exactly what I was thinking?

This is an idea expressed most poignantly in the song "Thunder Road." The protagonist in the song approaches a girl, professes his love, exposes his weaknesses (and hers) and offers both of them a "last chance" to get away. For most Springsteen fans this is THE SONG. Not only because every single line is quotable but because of its honesty in its poetic portrayal of an otherwise very mundane scenario. Basically, it's about life. Who hasn't thought about their fleeting youth? Who hasn't wanted to run away? His hopes are based in reality which is why they are so tragically beautiful - they are so attainable yet we never know what comes of it. Does she go with him? Do they get out? Will we get out? Do we have the courage? That's the other thing about Springsteen. In writing about such simple things, he makes us look at ourselves. Ok so maybe he's writing about some girl named Mary, but Mary could be any of us (honestly the only thing that separates me and Mary is that screen door.) We listen to the song over and over and each time we hope that these two kids finally make it out because we have the same hope for ourselves. We hope that someday we can make it out of our situation - whatever that may be.

Springsteen doesn't help you find your way, he just makes you feel comfortable with being lost because he's lost too. It's kind of like the blind leading the blind except one blind guy is exceptionally talented and has a whole lot of friends.

Blog 72: In Which Michael Phelps Reminds Me Why I Am A Fan

2009-08-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

The swimming fandom is kind of weird place - it's part newbies, part long time fans, part actual swimmers with actual knowledge and part random blend of people who just like Michael Phelps. And even though there are these small sub-groups among fans, they have one thing in common; they are all 100% emotionally invested. One of the things I find difficult about being a swimming fan - aside from the lack of TV coverage cough cough NBC - is that when I try and explain why I am a fan I have a very difficult time putting it into words. When asked I usually just say, jokingly, that I just like triumph; an appropriate answer being that the usual end result of a good race can be described with various synonyms of the word. In general, I think that it's hard to explain why you love something or why it affects you because "love" is just a strong emotion - it's something that you feel intensely and instantly recognize when you do. To someone who has never felt passion for anything (whether it be a hobby, sport, a business venture) then it's really like trying to explain why E.T. loved Reeses Pieces so much - he just did.

Although saying "triumph" is the reason I follow the sport is meant to be somewhat of a joke, it really does ring true much of the time. For instance, the other day I watched the show -down between good ol' Michael Phelps and his trash-talking rival, Milorad Cavic (cue the theme from the Good the Bad and the Ugly) and I have to say that it ended in a pretty triumphant manner - but before we get to that I have to clear a few things up. Before watching this race, I have to admit that I wasn't exactly as riled up as I should have been - sure it made me mad as hell that Cavic was claiming he had touched first (we all saw the pictures, buddy,) that he deserved the Gold and that, if necessary, he would buy Michael a suit to even the playing field (as if the issue was that Mikey's bank account balance was running low) but I wasn't insanely excited about watching the actual race. If this had been one year ago I would be jumping out of my chair in anticipation but it just didn't feel the same as last August. For me the Olympics was truly an event. I felt on top of the world last summer (minus the times I was actually watching the race and felt the need to vomit from nervousness) and nothing else that came afterward really got me as excited, emotional, or just plain crazy as I was during August 2008. The problem is that the Olympics to us new swim fans was kind of like that first hit for an addict - and we are doomed to spend the rest of your lives chasing that same high. It wasn't until the minutes were winding down and it was actually time to watch the race that I realized how important this was to me. Sure I make fun of Michael and his Subway Sandwich eating habits but the truth is, I became a fan because of his talent, his accomplishments and the way watching him made me feel - every time he won I felt pure elation in knowing that he represented the USA and he proved to everyone that he was the best and so we were because we had him. Of course not everyone believed that we were the best, cough cough Cavic, and it was time once again for him to show everyone that we were and are the undisputed champions.

I watched the race through my fingers because watching full on seemed to painful. What if he didn't win? What would people say? What would Cavic say? Would it cause more controversy over the swimsuits? Could I stand another headache because of the controversy over the swimsuits? I didn't know. All I knew was that my heart was practically bursting out of my chest as I watched him speed ahead, then fall behind and finally come through at the end for a finish that nobody, nobody could question - a victory won by a superior athlete wearing an "inferior" swimsuit. Once he touched the wall I knew at that moment why I loved him and why I loved swimming - because I do love triumph and this was the best example I could ever wish to witness. Watching him win, I felt something I hadn't experienced since last summer - and it literally brought tears to my eyes. It was a mix of happiness, disbelief, confirmed belief and sheer admiration for the talent, determination, and the will to win - with both grace and humility. In his performance Michael not only showed Cavic but he showed us - He showed us that he really does deserve all the press and all the fans. And even if, as Michael Phelps, the guy from Baltimore, gets himself into a little puff puff trouble that causes people to question his character he shows that as Michael Phelps the athlete, nobody can question his caliber.

It's in witnessing things like this that make me realize that my true motivation for being a fan is very selfish - I am constantly being rewarded for my loyalty. When he wins, there is this feeling that comes over you and you believe that in your own small way, you helped make this moment happen. That by banging on the kitchen counter and screaming "Go! Michael, Go!" as loud as you possibly could, you made the win a little easier - that he could hear you through the TV, across continents and even under that water he was cutting through. You feel like he did it for you - that right when he seemed to have started losing steam he heard your voice screaming louder and your heart willing him to win and that's what gave him what he needed for that final push and to come through with the victory. Then of course you have to remind yourself not to be so delusional in your beliefs and to remember that this is essentially what he does for a living. But even with that small realty check you might provide for yourself, in that moment of happiness and adrenaline pumping excitement following a victory you can't bear to allow yourself to believe those more realistic thoughts - you did help and that feeling of euphoria is exactly how he meant for you to feel. When you think about it, that's pretty darn selfish - taking credit for a Gold Medal win when all you did was engage in activities that could, under any other circumstances, land you in a straight jacket. But I guess that's what it means to be a fan - party crazy, part selfish, part supportive and 100% emotionally invested.

This blog was brought to do by 'Don't Poke the Tiger' productions. Copyright 2009.

And.... Cue Training Montage

2009-06-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm in a post-Nationals and soon-to-be World Championships mind set, I've been thinking about what exactly it takes to train for these big events. Just using the word "training" leaves a heck of a lot to the imagination - plus I still don't exactly know or understand what tapering is, not to mention the fact that I'm extremely iffy of the other terms thrown around in those press conferences. I'm not sure that non-swimmers like myself I can really wrap our heads around the kind of work it takes to be as great as some of our favorites - I can barely deal with 30 minutes of cardio a day let alone multiple workouts and/or rigorous exercise. What I am sure of, however, is that if I were a swimmer some part of my training schedule would include throwing darts at a board covered by a picture of Team France - or something of the like.

Jokes aside, I was thinking the other day about that Navy SEALs training camp session the national team did a few months back. That was probably a really fun (and painful) way for the US team to break out of their usual training routine. I'm assuming that aside from being very difficult and strenuous these athletes' training schedules don't really leave much room for variation (or much fun for that matter) so it was probably a nice treat to get out in the sun, wear fatigues, and get yelled at by someone other than your coach for a change (Bob, I'm looking at you.) While I'm sure it was plenty of fun - and a fair amount of work - I can't help but think it must have also served as an unpleasant reminder that our swimmer babies don't get to do these types of things that often. Sure they get to party in Vegas (cough cough Michael Fred) and buy diamond bracelets now and again but when it's training season and everyone's getting down to business, it seems pretty intense. Clearly, I am and have been very emotionally invested in the happiness (and fashion choices) of various athletes so it bothered me a little to think that not only are they in physical pain most of the training season but they're also probably bored a lot too - there had to be a solution.

Then I thought to myself, what athletes compete in top physical condition, keep their competitive edge while also maintaining a healthy level of happiness by engaging in various physical tasks that are actually fun? The contestants on Global Guts circa 1992, of course! That's right, folks. The spandex clad, Aggro Crag climbing kids representing their nations on Global Guts had just the ticket when it came to training for major competition and for keeping their sanity. Think about it, not only did they get to compete in an assortment of strenuous yet fun events but they served as a sort of United Nations of adolescent sports - various nations coming together for a 30 minute action-packed children's program. I think that the revival of Global Guts would present a unique opportunity for for all the athletes to train together -sort of like a mini Olympics to keep the competitive spirit alive (only without the accolades and with the inclusion of tacky spandex shorts.) Maybe it sounds silly but if you really think about it, those events were pretty physically taxing - I'll bet if you ask any of the past contestants they'll tell you that until you've had to ride handle-less bicycle around a race-track a few times, you'll never truly appreciate a quad workout. Plus it has the benefit of not only dry land and aquatic work-outs but also weird, aerial things that don't even make sense - but they probably do wonders for your core muscles.

Seriously. I've done some research (thanks Wikipedia!) and I've looked at Global Guts' cornucopia of events and I really think it would be a great way to keep the training fresh and it's probably, at least in some ways, safer than training with the armed forces - I can't be too sure but I'm almost positive that none of the contestants from Guts ever broke a bone while fiming. Plus the event would provide unique ways of working those medal-winning muscles. I mean where else could you crawl through an Elastic Jungle that Wikipedia described as (and I quote): A jungle gym filled with elastic bands through which players had to walk or crawl. This was one of the few obstacles that had a definitive stategy; there was a small opening in the lower, right-hand corner of the obstacle that made tunneling through the Elastic Jungle very easy. That sounds embarrassing, agitating and fun all at the same time! And I bet all that crawling works the biceps and core muscles. Or what about the Off The Wall (R.I.P MJ) event? I don't know about you but jumping off a bridge in an attempt to knock as many as 50 basketballs off of a Velcro wall sounds like my kind of Saturday night. I don't know what muscles that would actually work out but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that at least the initial jump would be good for the thighs. And who could forget the true test of physical fitness (and glory) that is that glistening, overly glittery, jagged edged mountain known as the Aggro Craig. Climbing the Aggro Craig was the final event of each episode which is triumphant in and of itself but the contestant that reached the top fastest got to take home a piece of that epic rock - pieces that always looked nothing like the actual mountain and also looked a little radioactive. And in true Global Guts style, who wouldn't love to see MP, Reezy and Cullen Jones film those terribly tacky (and wonderful) introductions where they show off their cribs and needlessly yell at the camera like they're going on the Maury show for a paternity test? (Matt Grevers, you are not the father!) I, for one, would enjoy that very much.

Now even though I think this is an excellent idea and I think I've provided sufficient proof as to the benefits of allowing the athletes to compete on Global Guts, the chances of a legitimate comeback for the show seems sort of slim at the moment. For one, I think Mike O'Malley is making some pretty good dough being the face of Time Warner Cable - starring as their generic man/husband/tv watcher in various commercials. And I have not even the slightest of clues as to wear Mo (the attractive British referee) is - I don't even know for a fact if she is still living. Plus I have a feeling there was some sordid on-set love affair between Mike and Mo that might hinder a civil reunion - you could cut that sexual tension with a knife! Anyhow, with all things considered, especially when considering the terrible programming now airing on Nick, (True Jackson VP? Seriously?) I think we definitely need this show back in our lives. Even with the odds stacked against me, I think there is still a glimmer of hope that we might be able to work something out with USA Swimming and the Nickelodeon execs. We could throw in a few Subway spots and make everyone happy. What I'm trying to say is that even though this is a far fetched idea/most awesome fantasy I've ever had, if the planets were to align in my favor and this were to ever take place (with Mike O'Malley and Mo making their grand return) all my money is on Lochte to win a piece of the Aggro Crag.

Someone call Summer Sanders! She used to host "Figure It Out." Maybe she can put in a good word for me over at Nickelodeon.

Second Open Letter to Nick Jonas

2009-06-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Nick Jonas,

I don't know if you remember me but I wrote to you a few months ago. You know, the desperate cry from a college student asking you to stop being hot. Yeah, that was me. Well, now that months have passed I feel that you've had a considerable amount of time to digest the material and I, myself, had had time to reflect on what I had written and have come to realize that perhaps my requests may have been too bold - but I have to say that in my defense, I was not only asking this as a personal favor but on behalf of the millions of women who are just one JB Meet and Greet away from a face to face session with Chris Hansen. And while I do realize the enormity of such tasks (namely reducing your hotness) might be taxing, it has become clear that, rather than even attempting to comply, you have simply chosen to ignore my cries and continue on your current path to inappropriate and illegal maturity. Though I can understand that the physiological aspect of your growth may be out of your control, there are various other aspects that contribute to the problem that can and should be halted. While the visual stimulation that your growth provides is not a problem for my eyes (because I must admit I quite enjoy it) it poses a problem for my physical and mental well being as it forces me to come to terms with an unnatural attraction to a child while also forcing me to contemplate a very real and possible future in a guarded cell.

While I appreciate the fact that you and your brothers seem to be very involved in communicating with your fans - taking photos, hosting meet and greets, general things of that nature - I can't help but notice that you have chosen to neglect the needs of your older, more mature fans in your complete refusal to answer our cries. I thought that you would have sensed the desperation in my letter but apparently it only added fuel to the jail bait fire. You see Nicholas, I have noticed the perpetuation of several problems in recent days: 1) your hair is looking better than ever 2) your wardrobe is even more impeccable (and more eclectic now with the stylish addition of various fashion forward scarves) and 3) you seem to have physically grown quite a bit -both in height and girth. I saw photos of you and your brothers at the London premier of 'Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience' and I must admit, I was beside myself. Your once cherubic face had changed. It had both thinned and filled out in the optimum places creating the illusion of age and exuded a manliness far beyond your years. If I didn't know any better I would have suspected foul play - specifically the use of growth hormones. You see, your physical maturation may be one aspect that worries me the most because now you not only look like a man - thanks to your stylist and hairdresser - but you are now well on your way to actually equaling the size of one. How am I supposed to avert my gaze when, at this point, the only tangible object that logically suggests you are the actual young age of 16 is that flimsy piece of paper otherwise known as a birth certificate (which I have never seen and am still holding out on as actual legal proof.)

Oh, Nicholas, perhaps I am being too judgmental. You cannot help but to grow at the pace nature had intended for you. I've seen the movie Jack - so I understand that sometimes the growth process is sped up for certain individuals reasons that cannot be controlled (and sometimes those individuals end up looking like Robin Williams in the first grade.) But perhaps this is something of a good thing. Perhaps in this odd scenario of doomed love you are the Robin Williams to my Jennifer Lopez - and maybe when I least expect it you will bring me a ziplock filled with red gummy bears as sign of your affection. And just as Jennifer Lopez did, I shall refuse your overture of love for I know that though your body and face tell me otherwise, you are still but a child in the eyes of the law. A difficult yet noble thing to do. Damn you, Chris Hansen!

Anyway, getting back on task, I would like to address the issue of your new show JONAS. Now the problem here is somewhat more complex. Yes, you may have a point in saying that a woman of my age should not be watching the Disney Channel or doesn't HAVE to put on Channel 49 at exactly 8:30 pm to catch the show but it just seems to happen. I have cable, I get the Disney Channel, that's not a crime. Perhaps for your older fans, the Disney Channel should cost extra - this way when they want to watch Jonas they have to pay for it and they will actually have to come to terms with their sick obsession when their bill comes in the mail a month later - like porn addicts. But even with that, I know I would pay for it because your new television really has become a problem for me. While it is most likely aimed at a target audience from 7-13 years old I cannot help but find the the slapstick comedy and musical high jinks extremely amusing. More than amusing, beyond my control I find myself laughing quite loudly during the program. I also enjoy you stylish ensembles... but perhaps we should not discuss that.

I wonder sometimes, if you are purposely trying to get me attention; making subtle love calls to your older female admirers. Surely when filming the video for the song "Paranoid" you were fully aware that you had your electric guitar resting on your young hips just-so as you lifted your prematurely muscular arms above your head. I am not naive enough to think that you are that naive to have just done something like that nonchalantly - surely it was done as a little visual treat for the younger gals and a horribly mean (yet oddly delightful) tease and reminder that the older ladies like myself can look, but not touch. It's a perfectly innocent yet completely sexually suggestive gesture. What I mean is, if the tables were turned and Chris Hansen were to ask you what you were doing, you could just say you had an itch and were reaching for it (which would seem completely plausible) - but in actuality we all know that your little arm move was a little 'wink wink nudge nudge' to the older ladies. And what about the song "Don't Charge Me For the Crime"? While at face value, a fun tale of rebelliousness, is really, at its core, a song of sympathy because in your heart you too realize that my love cannot be bound by state laws and they will never truly understand our love - and by "understand" I mean legally allow it to exist.

Nicholas before I bid you a fond a dieu, I just want you to know that if loving you is wrong then I don't want to be right! But to anyone who is reading this who is not Nicholas I want you to know that I mean that more...hypothetically... and will have it be known that I have not broken any laws because I know that it is wrong and that it means potential jail time and I'm really not willing to go through that. People who are not Nicholas can stop reading now. Okay back to Nicholas: you know I don't mean such things, I just have to write them for legal reasons. But in all seriousness, I don't want to go to jail even though I love you. Please forgive me, I'm not that strong.

Love,
Candace

P.S. I only have eyes for you, Nicholas, especially now that Joe got that terrible haircut. K bye.

Return of the Jedi

2009-05-16T19:43:00.001-07:00

The bitch is back! And by "bitch" I mean "alien cyborg swimmer sent to destroy everything in it's path." And when I say "alien cyborg swimmer sent to destroy anything in its path" I mean Michael Fred Phelps - but you probably already knew that.

This weekend was host to Charlotte Ultraswim - and what a fitting title that was. This was not only a big meet for lots of our favorites - Reezy, PVK, Cullen Jones- but it marks the return of Michael Phelps to competition after a little... slip up... which cost him a 3 month suspension back in February. You know, If I didn't know better (and I do) I would have thought that Mikey planned that whole debacle out just to make us sweat for a few months. To build up the anticipation and make us question the real advantage of his weird flexibility, long torso, big feet and to let us stew over whether or not he could really come back post-partying, post-loss-of-8-pack, post-vegas and kick some real ass. Well he showed us. Shame on us for doubting! I really only have my own cynical self to blame, or maybe it's the lack of Kellogg's products in my diet that have caused a deficiency in certain vitamins that promote intellectual vigor - either one. But what this meet showed us that Michael's triumphant return to competitive swimming can really only be compared to Luke's kick ass force-using skills in Return of the Jedi, part 3 of the Star Wars Saga.

For those of you who don't know, I was way into Star Wars when I was ten. And by 'way into' I mean I had the boy version of Polly Pocket that featured a Storm Trooper helmet that housed the Death Star inside and my father pretended not to speak English at a vintage Comic Book shop as part of a scheme just to get me a real Storm Trooper Helmet as Christmas present - true story. Anyway what I'm getting at is that there are various elements to the Star Wars saga that relate to Michael Fred's career and grand return. Aside from the obvious daddy issues they share, these two have a lot in common. You see, even though I'm pretty sure Luke never took a hit off that long pipe that Jabba the Hut was smoking, he's had his fair share of problems. Michael's "rebellious" period can really only be compared to Luke's refusal to be a farmer on Tatooine. Even though Uncle Owen and Mamma Phelps raised their respective boys right, sometimes a young man must venture off on his own, leaving the next and/or home planet with 2 suns to meet new people, try new things and even make some mistakes along the way (though I blame Han Solo for most of Luke's downfall.) Alright, so maybe refusal to be a farmer isn't as bad as smoking an illegal substance but Luke might have done some other stuff too I mean, who knows what was in that blue milk they drank on Tatooine.

Aside from being a little rebellious here and there, both Luke and Michael have been able to hone their skills under the guidance of very strong mentors. I know what you're thinking, the clear choice for casting Bob Bowman would be Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I must remind you that Obi-Wan dies in the first movie and though his voice still follows Luke around but it's really not the same (plus I don't think Bowman looks like an older Ewan McGregor at all.) This is precisely why I see Bob Bowman as more of a Yoda character. You see, while Yoda is the ultimate Jedi master and teaches Luke how to really use the force, he and Luke do not always see eye to eye, in part because Yoda is about 2 feet tall, but also because Yoda uses unorthodox methods of training that a young kid like Luke really doesn't understand. Clearly Yoda knows what he's doing - he's had 900 years of Jedi training for crying out loud! Bowman, though well behind 900 years, has been at this for a long time and clearly knows how to train champions. And even though Bowman and Luke, I mean Michael, might have some screaming matches at the pool you can be damn sure that if it came down to it, after everything they've accomplished together, Mikey would carry that dude through a swamp in a little tiny back pack Yoda style.

What I'm getting at is that for both of these guys after all the existential crises, training with mentors and becoming friends with a very handsome fellow space traveler and/or swimmer with an alternative personality (Michael : Luke :: Reezy : Han) it was time to get down to business. Sure they both faltered along the way - kissing a sister, getting a DUI, losing a hand and being caught on a camera phone - both men brushed it all off in time to make a triumphant return - even though Luke was kind of annoying in the last movie and had 3 years to Michael's 3 months to train, but that's beside the point. Both revealed new weapons - Luke opting for a the new green (not blue) Light Saber and Michael debuting some new stroke that may or may not eventually stick and a death stare like nothing you've ever seen - and were ready to rock. Aside from that, the main thing they had in common is that they were focused and had the tools to kick some major ass - and Luke's decision not to kill his father who clearly deserved it can only be compared to Michael's sportsmanship (think Team France.) Hopefully after such hard work Michael had a little (and I mean little) after party, Ewok Barbecue style.

Okay so maybe those comparisons weren't exact but I think you get the general gist. Plus there's lots of little things like the fact that there isn't much diversity in space (cough cough Lando Calrissian) or in swimming or the fact that lots of former Jedi's end up being mentors and are instrumental in keeping the Jedi culture alive (cough cough Mel Stewart.)

Hey, maybe the whole robotic hand thing can explain this new straight-arm freestyle...

The X-Factor

2009-05-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's May and right around this time is when the summer movie season begins. Luckily for me the first big movie to come was X-Men Origins Wolverine or Wolverine as we pedestrians have been calling it. The truth is, I happen to really love the X-Men movie franchise. When I was in High School X2 was just about the coolest/nerdiest thing to me and I watched it all the time - and by all the time I mean all. the. time. Yes I have the 2 disc DVD and I enjoy watching the special features from time to time - you have a problem with that? Didn't think so. Anyway, when I heard about this Wolverine movie coming out there was no question is my mind if I was going to see this new movie it was just a matter of when.

Before I actually got a chance to see it a few bits of bad news were pouring in. My sister alerted me that this film was not even a full 2 hours and for a comic book movie, that felt like a bit a rip off to me. I ignored that information because I chose to believe that she was misinformed and even if it was short, it wasn't enough to stop me from seeing it. Second bit of info was about the quality of the film. I was getting some mixed reviewed from people - some saying the film was great, some saying it was.. not so great - but I thought I should see for myself. Even though I was a little disappointed I felt some folks were being a bit unfair which is why I present to you 5 Reasons Why Wolverine Was Good.

Reason #1: Hugh Jackman is hot! So maybe there's some questioning of his sexuality in the media and what not but even if we don't know what the preferred sex of Hugh Jackman is, one this is for sure: Wolverine is definitely into chicks. I mean I love me some Hugh Jackman but sometimes he's so nice that I cannot find him as sexually attractive as I would like - Wolverine does not have that problem. Dude is hard - and I mean that in a completely nonsexual way. He's a badass plain and simple and sometimes us ladies (and some guys) are into that. He snarls all the time, kicks major ass and his body is ripped. Lucky for us, it seemed like they had him shirtless whenever possible so we got to see the bulging muscles in action - even though him being shirtless had nothing to do with the plot and was completely unnecessary I still quite enjoyed it. Basically what I'm saying is that if you ever found yourself in the tangles of passion with this dude he could most definitely kill you - and that's kind of sexy.

Reason #2: This is the film debut of the delectable Daniel Henney. Now for those of us in the states, Daniel Henney is a new face but the ladies of Asia have had access to his deliciousness for quite some time. Thanks to the very 'in-the-know' folks over at ONTD, I found out about this guy a few years ago but was very upset to find that he hadn't done anything in the US and thus I had to real access to his beauty. I'm not exaggerating when I talk about the perfection that is Daniel Henney - he's been a model for years and his photos are good. In X-Men he plays Agent Zero and I don't know if this has anything to do with his character or just the wardrobe assistant's probable on-set crush on him but he is looking luscious throughout the whole film donning white button down shirt (sleeves rolled up, thank you very much) and black ties. Basically he looks like the hottest lawyer you've ever seen. Daniel Henney does not disappoint in this film (minus the fact that his character doesn't have many lines) plus he knows how to handle firearms. Hot!

Reason #3: Hugh Jackman looks hot in period clothing. Okay I know this is similar to number 1 but it's got a whole different flavor. You see, Wolverine/Logan/Jimmy has the power to heal himself - so he basically lives forever. Anyway, at the beginning of the film they sort of show you all the time periods he's lived through with a montage of all the wars he's fought in - which include... well all of them really. At one point they show him fighting in some sort of civil/revolutionary/something-in-the-1800s war and I've never seen a blue frock coat look so good (yes I had to google that term.) Even though I'm pretty sure this was not historically accurate - considering the fact that he would have been like 16 in the Civil War and was born post-Revolutionary war - I was able to suspend my disbelief because the dude so looked delicious that questioning the scene's accuracy was not my top priority at the moment. He also looks good in all the other war scenes because he's sweaty, snarling and sometimes has a tank top on but this one historically inaccurate war was a winner - old fashioned hotness.

Reason #4: They fixed Hugh Jackman's hair. Okay I know this also sounds similar to numbers 1 and 3 but hear me out. In the other X-Men films they were being very true to the comic in that they made Wolverine look like he had hair that was a hybrid between a 1950s Greaser and a woman from the 1940s. While I can appreciate the fact that that choice was made in order to make the character reflect its true origin, it looked kind of weird - but Hugh Jackman totally worked it, which is hard to do. Luckily for the ladies in the move watching universe, the hairstylist on this film opted for a more subtle Wolverine look - it still goes up at the sides all wolf-like but only slightly. Giving him this more understated 'do made his character seem less cartoony, less mutant-like and less like the yellow and blue spandex-clad Wolverine from the video games I used to play, so I felt totally ok with being attracted to man who's killed a few folks and sometimes has bone claws coming out of his hands - hey, nobody's perfect.

Reason #5: They show Hugh Jackman's butt. Okay so you got me - most of these reasons have to do with Hugh Jackman but come on, they show the man's ass for crying out loud so I can't just ignore it! For anyone who has seen X2 you know that Wolverine has -these weird flashbacks of him in a science-project-looking tub - naked - getting adamantium put into his body to make him indestructible and most likely the world's biggest magnet. In this movie they actually show you how and why it happens - and like any respectable experimental Government science project he's naked. And just like the other movies suggest, he escapes from the eerie underground compound and you know, when you're in a flight from death you don't really have time to go back to your cubby and get pants. Now the thing that's so great about this is that, well you know, not every man has a butt worth looking at. Just like us ladies, some men are lacking in the booty area so I for one can appreciate and respect a man who has some junk in the trunk. I don't know what he's been eating or if he's just naturally blessed but this might be the first Australian ghetto booty to grace the silver screen. And it graces it. And graces it... for a few different scenes. Lucky us.

So maybe those reasons were a little biased and sway toward the females but hey, I'm a girl so what can you expect? Of course there's also cool explosions and some kick ass fight scenes - how can there not be when the man has effing retractable claws? Not the best of the X-Men franchise but definitely worth your dough - especially when you scam the theaters and buy senior tickets.

Oh Yes They Did FINALE!

2009-05-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who tuned in to the last edition of "Oh Yes They Did!" on WECB. We've had so much fun and were so thankful for everyone who has been listening. Here is the playlist from the show in case you missed it:

1. Gone Daddy Gone - Gnarles Barkley
2. Mercy - Duffy
3. I'm Into Something Good - Herman's Hermits
4. Lovely Rita - The Beatles
5. Oh My God - Mark Ronson ft. Lily Allen
6. Never Can Say Goodbye - The Jackson 5
7. Three Wishes - The Pierces
8.. The Greatest - Cat Power
9. I Don't Like Mondays - Boomtown Rats
10. Moonage Daydream - David Bowie
11. Sweet Talkin' Woman - ELO
12. Ooh La La - The Faces
13. The Swimming Song - Loudon Wainwright III

Oh em gee. This week Gossip Girl was even more fabulous than ever - meaning there was minimal Nate and even though Serena was kind of the center of the story, there was excellent Chuck/Blair interaction. You see, even though there was all this high drama involving Serena and some sketchy dude who is stealing everyone's money, the REAL story for the past few episodes has been the weird undefined relationship Chuck and Blair have going on. Nate asked Blair to move in but from Ms. Waldorf was waiting to see if things would work out with Chuck before accepting the offer. In this excruciating scene Blair basically gives chuck the opportunity to FINALLY say the words she's been waiting for and he fumbled - on purpose. Needless to say the ladies of OYTD screamed in terror when Chuck opted not to admit his love for Blair and in the process, sent her into Nathaniel's loving (and boring) arms. We can't even explain the pain, you must witness it yourselves!

People released its 100 Most beautiful list and so I decided it was time for my annual purchase of People Magazine. In general there were some pretty good picks - Halle Berry, Angelina, etc -but as usual, the photo selection was pretty horrendous. Take for instance my babies Joeseph and Nicholas Jonas. I know we're in a recession and perhaps buying the rights to photos for that many people might get costly but when you're printing picture of growing boys a year old picture looks more like it's 5 years old. The picture printed of Nick was from a period where he was legitimately prepubescent and just looking at it made me feel like I ought to be wearing a striped jumpsuit and shoes with no laces. Basically People needed to loosen up the purse strings and get a more recent picture - you can get away with stuff like that for older folks but at their age, a year makes a huge difference. We were quite pleased that both Dev Patel and Freida Pinto were included but we couldn't help but notice a huge oversight - no Gossip Girl?! Maybe they're not huge stars but Leighton Meester's beauty is simply undeniable. And we all know that Blake Lively has made an appearance on her fair share of magazine covers so it just doesn't seem to make sense. Plus those girls would probably look hell of a lot better than the girls of 90210 did in the "No Makeup" section of the mag because from what we saw no makeup is bad makeup - grab the mascara girls! Anyway, maybe People will redeem themselves next year with better photo purchases and the inclusion of some prime time beauties.

The Jonas Brothers have made the next step in world domination - cable TV. This past Saturday the boys' new show, 'Jonas', premiered on the Disney channel and even though the first episode was kind of a stinker the second successfully redeemed the soon-to-be hit series. I have to admit that even though the show is written for 13 year olds, I found it pretty darn funny. Plus their perfect skin, beautiful coiffed hair and fashion forward style makes it fun to watch. Although I think their acting could use a little work, they were much better than their debut in "Camp Rock" would have suggested - so maybe they did get that much needed acting coach. Basically I'll watch anything with the Jonas Brothers but for those of you non believers all I have to say is that this show involves music, grown boys in footsie pajamas and a little kid wearing a fake mustache - sounds like a recipe for success! Needless to say I'll be tuning in for the rest of the season. See you on Saturday, Nicholas!

So it seems that a little swimming competition is coming up pretty soon. Ultraswim in Charlotte, North Carolina is just a few days away and if you haven't seen the epic commercial courtesy of Universal Sports it looks like someone special is set to be making a cameo. That's right, none other than Michael Fred Phelps of Baltimore Maryland is going to be back in action - and as Eve and I said, it's going to be like something out of 'Return of the Jedi.' Even though we're psyched to see Aquaman back in the water a little birdy told us Mr. Phelps might just be swimming the backstroke. Now for those of you who gasped at the very thought, you must be familiar with Sir Ryan Lochte, king of the backstroke. Even though Sir Ryan S. Lochte holds the gold in the 200 back and technically didn't quality in the 100, we all know who is going to be kicking whose whose ass in the backstroke - and in case that isn't clear enough we're basically saying that Michael Fred should watch his back (no pun intended.) It's going to be a battle to the death!

In other news, we're so sad to be leaving but so grateful for everyone's support. Since we won't be on WECB anymore I figured I should let this URL go and move on to greener Blogger pastures. I started up a new blog where I'll continue to write about.. well whatever I want to plus I've transferred all the previous blogs I've written here so everything will be in one place. Check out my personal blog and Valeria's personal blog and keep checking in!

Oh Yes They Did 4/28/09

2009-04-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

Thank to everyone who listened in today to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:
1. Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) - Bruce Springsteen
2. Seaside Bar Song - Bruce Springsteen
3. I'm on Fire - Bruce Springsteen
4. Hounds of Love - The Futureheads
5. White Diamonds - The Friendly Fires
6. The Wrong Side - The French Kicks
7. By Tomorrow - Candie Payne
8. Two Hearts - Bruce Springsteen
9. Heartbreaker - Pat Benatar
10. Heartbeat, It's a Love Beat - The DeFranco Family
11. Can't You Hear My Heartbeat - Herman's Hermits

It was our second to last show but we weren't slackin' because we had a whole lot to talk about. First up: Gossip Girl Recap. Now to anyone who has eyes or ears, it's pretty obvious that Chuck and Blair are destined to be together - and last night's episode proved it! You see, Nathaniel (who doesn't accept Blair as she is and just wants to change her) bought himself a apartment in Murray Hill in an effort to keep his relationship with Blair alive once they go to college. Nate later asked Blair to move in but not because he was ready to move in but because Chuck PWNED him when they fought over Blair - basically telling him that he only bought the apartment to keep tabs on her (which ended up being true.) Clearly Nate is jealous because Chuck is Blair's lobster and it's really only a matter of time before their in-slumber hand clasping develops into a full blown relationship. Oh and some stuff happened with Serena that we didn't care about.

Dear sweet lord our wildest dream has come true! As you may know, Valeria and I have suspected for quite some time that the epic love of Jamal and Latika had translated into real life resulting in a love affair between Dev Patel and Freida Pinto. Even though basically every photograph of them together shows them lovingly gazing into each other's eyes, they continued to keep quiet about their relationship status. Thank god for Mothers because it was none other than Dev Patel's mommy who confirmed our new favorite celeb couple - and then a choir of angels sang and the sky opened up because this is simply the best news EVER. There are plenty of celeb couples out there but none as adorable these two. Maybe it's just my imagination getting the best of me because I'd like to believe they are as in love as Jamal and Latika but these two always look so happy together and we just plain love them! Now the thing is, Ms. Freida - at 25 years old - is showing off her cougar claws in this relationship because our Vinda-Love, Dev Patel, is only 19 years old. Now even though that's a pretty significant age difference, we're willing to let it side because they're just so cute and I think the nerd in us is totally rooting for Dev Patel in this situation. This is his first girlfriend - and what a way to start! Get, it Dev!

More couples news (but far less exciting) involving tweens - Nicholas Jonas' ex girlfriend, Selena Gomez, has apparently hooked up with Taylor Lautner (otherwise known as Jacob from Twilight). Now even though I think they look like a pretty cute couple - as evidence by some very sweet paparazzi photos - I'm going to go ahead and say that this is a downgrade. I know some cougars are already creepin' on Mr. Lautner but this lady only has cougar eyes for Nick Jonas. And if songs from Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus have taught us anything it's that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by a Jonas Brother - those girls are ruined for life! Speaking of ruined for life, rumors have been swirling that Nick Jonas is in the process of -GASP!- getting back together with Miley "the one with all the gums" Cyrus. Though I realize that Nick Jonas will never end up with me and my concern over this situation is slightly inappropriate, I feel that it is my duty to publicly state that this is a mistake! The scratches where Miley firmly planted her pubescent claws have only recently healed and it just doesn't seem logical to go back - for him anyway, I see why she wants him back but that's a different story. Plus she wrote a really rude song about him and made their relationship and breakup public when he clearly didn't want her to - rude! Well, I suppose what happens between those two crazy kids is their business - but I think it would be wise for you to heed my warning Nicholas, the last thing you need is a gaggle of angry Hannah Montana fans storming the stage on your summer tour.

Some of you might remember that grotesque picture of Ed Westwick (otherwise known as Chuck Bass) on vacation with his lady. If you don't know what I'm talking about just try and conjure up images of unsightly chest hair and you've got the general picture. Even though Ed Westwick was looking afright in those photos, he has recently redeemed himself on video! Yes, he's clothed (which is definitely a plus) but that's the only reason he looked good. Dude is staring into the camera quite seductively and showing off some delicious facia hair. I'm not exagerating on how good he looked- notice the shoddy camera work, even SHE was impressed! The other thing about Ed that makes him super sexy in this video is that he knows just the right amount of fashion trivia to come off as man who knows how to dress as opposed to knowing so much and being so enthusiastic that we start to question whether he's a slave to fashion (or his sexuality like Chase Crawford.) For your viewing pleasure:

In other news I am SUPER excited to report that Brandon Flowers and his wife are having another son but I am also sinking into a deep depression because I will no longer see Anoop's delicious eyebrows on American idol. That's life. Also, congratulations to Donna and Isadora who won WECB shirts by answering our trivia questions during the show! Kudos, ladies!

Oh Yes They Did 4/21/09

2009-04-21T15:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in today to Oh, Yes They Did! A big congrats to Melanie and Subuhi for answering our Zefron trivia questions and winning from free WECB t shirts courtesy of American Apparel. Here is the playlist from the show in case you missed it:

1. Edge of 17 - Stevie Nicks
2. Footloose - Kenny Loggins
3. Boys - The Beatles
4. Ladies' Choice - Zac Efron
5. Birthday - Awesome New Republic
6. Shame For You - Lily Allen
7. Sophisticated Side Pony Tail - Natalie Portman's Shaved Head
8. Rock U Now - Michael and Marisa
9. Wild Wild Life - Talking Heads
10. My Best Friend's Girl - The Cars
11. Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
12. Ma-ma-ma Belle - ELO

Even though it was a rainy Tuesday, we still brought the fire! First off was a little Gossip Girl recap. Now aside from some slight antisemitism in this newest episode, it was a tad on the boring side. Serena thought she may have accidentally gotten married (what?!) and caused a big to-do about it (even though nobody cares about her because she's boring as hell) while Nathaniel Archibald attempted to break ties with his scary Godfather-esque Grandad. Unfortunately Nate and Blair have yet to break up but it seems that the Chuck/Vanessa relationship dissolved faster than it developed - so that's a plus. Hopefully sometime in the near future Blair will come to her senses and go back to her distraught lover Mr. Chuckles. Until then, Gossip Girl, until then! Oh and Jenny showed her sassy side and put The Bass in his place!

Next on the list: Zac Efron. The Zefron has recently become a favorite in the OYTD universe. The ladies of OYTD went to see '17 Again' opening day and aside from the tween screaming that occurred during the showing and almost ruined the film, we happened to enjoy it very much! Now because I am self aware I had a sneaking suspicion that I might end up with a crush on the Zefron post-viewing, in preparation for said crush I Netflixed High School Musical 3 just - this way I would be prepared if I needed a Zefron fix over the weekend. In the midst of our Zefron hysteria, Valeria came over and we watched HSM 3 together and not only did we like it, we effing loved that Disney crap! Zachary David Alexander Efron can dance his little legs off and not only is he fun to watch because he's cute but he commits to those dances - it almost excuses the homoerotic undertones of "The Boys Are Back." Almost. Anyway, since I was on a little bit of a Zefron high I decided to watch the original High School Musical (so that I would well versed in the HSM history and understand the evolution of Zefron) and all I have to say (aside from the fact that the "fake" singing voice they used for Zefron is far less enjoyable than his actual singing voice) is that he has grown up quite splendidly! He turned into a man in the past 3 years and we're excited to see how he develops in the future. Very excited. Oh and he's Jewish so the prospect of marriage is looking better and better as the days go by.

OMG y'all! Michael Phelps done wrote himself another book! And this one might actually be a hit with audiences because it's a children's book - perfectly matched with the writing ability he displayed with the valiant effort known as "No Limits: The Will to Succeed." No word on what the book is actually about but it's apparently called 'How to Eat Half a Car and Win 8 Gold Medals' even though it's listed under 'How to Train With a T.Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals' on Amazon and Barnes and Noble websites. Now I know you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but the illustrations are just so cute that it makes me believe the book could actually be good! I mean I don't know what the chances of this book making appearances in educational institutions are, but I'd probably buy it. Plus I get a kick out of looking at a cartoon Michael Phelps with an accentuated cartoon jaw. Let's hope the book tour involves MP reading to some babies, because if all those post-Olympic swim clinics have taught us anything, it's that Phelps with kids is darn cute! Let us also hope there's no subtle Subway advertising in this book because the last thing we need is Phelps hawking sandwiches to kids when they're trying to read - plus even though Subway serves a plethora of delicious toppings for their sandwiches, I'm pretty sure car parts aren't on the menu.

We've only got about 2 shows left so don't forget to tune in! We also have some WECB shirts we'll be giving out during our little mini-contests (that really only consist of a trivia question) during the shows so that's another reason to listen - free stuff.

Zac Efron: To Like or Not To Like?

2009-04-20T15:05:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing. I know Zac Efron or The Zefron as I affectionately call him, is just about the biggest thing in Hollywood (and in the hearts of all girls ages 12-17) right now. The thing is, I keep going back and forth in whether or not I actually like him. Yes, I find him attractive - he has nice eyes, good cheekbones, stylish hair - but sometimes when he shows up at an event looking like he just poured a bottle of Crisco on his dirty blonde locks, it's kind of a turn off. Or when he wears those weird baggy skull caps type things (which only ever looked good on a 1975 Bruce Springsteen) I start to find myself liking him less. I mean we and he knows how good he looks when he's cleaned up and on camera but he seems to be fighting his natural born Disney looks - perhaps in an effort to separate himself from the squeaky clean (and always freshly showered) Troy Bolton of High School Musical. It's understandable I suppose, but I've seen two out of the three High School Musical movies and I know that there's nothing wrong with a musical theater loving basketball player.

And his personality throws me off sometimes, too. At times I see him in interviews and I think hey, he's a cool guy - he seems very laid back, very chill, very normal. And normality is something that's hard to find in Hollywood so I appreciate that he's doing that whole "small town boy" thing and keeping it real. But often times he seems so laidback that I wonder whether or not he really cares. Now of course it's none of my business whether he cares about the fact that his name is synonymous with 'Troy Bolton' or not, but I'd like think (and see) that someone who has been given such a huge opportunity and who basically has the world at his feet to seem enthusiastic about it.

Now the other problem is more of a personal one - movie roles. You see, I don't have a problem admitting that I fully enjoyed the cinematic masterpiece that was '17 Again' ( and plan on seeing it again) because it was legitimately funny and somewhat age appropriate - it even had a little non PG language thrown in to make us adults feel welcome - but I do have a bit of an issue admitting that I not only enjoyed High School Musical 3, but I freakin loved High School Musical 3. I may have even gone so far as to watched it twice in one day (there may also have been some rewinding involved.) Now of course that's not Zac Efron's fault... well actually it is Zac Efron's fault because he's the reason I watched it in the first place. Even though it's a little embarrassing to know that as a 22 year old soon-to-be college graduate, I found HSM 3 completely enthralling, I have to give the guy credit for dancing his little white boy booty off and providing the pelvic thrusts that I enjoyed so much. Sure, some of the songs were a bit cheesy (this is Disney of course) but I had to give the guy credit for pulling it off.

Lastly, his age and his image are a little conflicting and cause some confusion in the female brain. I know in my mind that he and I are the same age (I checked his IMDB page to confirm) so it's actually ok for me to be attracted to him but somewhere in the back of my mind I still have that image of a dancing Troy Bolton floating around and think he's still in High School (which is undoubtedly the fault of all of his film roles). So of course, considering all of this, I feel a little weird about really calling myself a fan. Plus I already have a crush on Nick Jonas so I've basically overdrawn from the shame bank and I have to start saving up if I want to really consider Zac Efron worthy of my love.

I guess the real deciding factor is enjoyability - in the film sense. We've already declared that HSM 3 was a big hit maybe even a little bigger than it should have been and out of the 2 and 1/2 other Zac Efron films I've watched, I have to say, I like this guy. I've gone back and forth about it but it all comes down to the fact that I legitimately enjoy watching him. It's true! I find the boy quite entertaining and I think that his range as a singer/dancer/basketball player in HSM, a singer/dancer in Hairspray and as a basketball player/dancer in 17 Again is definitely worth witnessing. Against my better judgment I have to say that I'm looking forward to see what he does in the future - even though I'm secretly pissed he's not doing 'Footloose' anymore.

Oh, Yes They Did! 4/14/09

2009-04-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh, Yes They Did!" on Tuesday. Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. I Ran (So Far Away) - Flock of Seagulls
2. Take On Me - A-ha
3. Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds
4. Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths
5. Rio - Duran Duran
6. Love Vigilantes - New Order
7. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
8. Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
9. Mexican Radio - Wall of Voodoo
10. Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles

Another exciting show over at WECB. First order a business - Slumdog news. Now, as may of you may know, Valeria and I have been completely obsessed with the Oscar Winning film (and it's adorable young star, Dev Patel) so you can imagine our excitement when we found out that not only was the DVD coming out at the end of March but it's chocked full of special features. Luckily for me (but not the DVD distribution business) my sister burned a copy for me so I wouldn't have to spend even more money at Best Buy. Unfortunately, the copy I received did not have any special features except for a couple of weird movie trailers. I figured that maybe somewhere in the burning process she just burned those special features right off! So needless to say I spent the $15 to get myself a real, shelved copy of the disc. Low and behold.... no special features. Being the resourceful woman I am I googled "Slumdog Millionaire special features" and as it turns out I was not alone. You see, Fox had this great idea of making all rental versions void of special features so folks like me would actually buy the thing but they made a little boo-boo and accidentally sent out some of these bad boys to retailers. They have, however, created a site and hotline that angry consumers like myself can call in order to get a replacement disc - just be prepared to feel like you're on 'Millionaire' because there's a questionaire attached to make sure you're not a fraud!

Phelps news! Well not the Phelps you're thinking of. Debbie Phelps (affectionately known as 'Mama Phelps') wrote a book! Now we're giving her the benefit of a doubt as an educator and... a human being and assuming that her book will be written at a slightly higher reading level than that of her son, Olympic golden boy Michael Phelps. I got the chance to see Mama Phelps do a few interviews and although I felt like I was being lectured out by a talk-show host on qualudes, I happen to like this woman - she seems to have a good head on her shoulder and I wouldn't be surprised if she's dispensed some good advice in her day. And ignoring the fact that the cover of the book is basically a stock photo from the post-Olympic glory days, it might be pretty good. The only thing I was disappointed with was some alleged behavior exhibited by Michael. You see, when Mama was on Larry King he read her an article published in the New York Post that described Phelps' frat boy antics - I don't remember much but I distinctly remember "drinking vodka straight out of the bottle" being mentioned multiple times. Now of course at his age Mama Phelps can only do so much to control her boy and we don't know if this actually occurred but if it did all I have to say is -shame on you, Michael! I don't care if you want to do Jell-O shots on your spare time but could you perhaps take a break when you're mother is on her freakin book tour? We've learned the hard way that wherever you go people are watching (and taking pictures with their camera phones) so it's not like we won't find out. Be a good boy and let mommy publicize her book.

It pains me so to bring this up but I feel that I must. None other than Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen of Longbranch New Jersey has found himself in a bit of a scandal. According to published reports the Boss has been named in a divorce case as one of the reasons for the couple deciding to split. You read that right, some... pedestrian has accused my man of having an affair with his wife. Even though the allegation itself is upsetting, as an avid Springsteen fan and an admirer of the epic love between The Boss and his wife - I refuse to believe it! Bruce and Patti are ONE. TRUE. PAIR! The only couple who, to my eyes, has ever seemed more in love was Bruce and Little Steven of the E Street Band - so I think we're safe. People have been throwing around the fact that Bruce and Patti (technically) hooked up when Bruce was married to his first wife Julianne Philips. While I would NEVER condone a man stepping out on his wife, I think the fact that this transgression resulted in an 18 year marriage and 3 children says something. Besides, the person making the allegation is who? Oh that's right, someone who doesn't matter - these are but the ramblings of a jealous man! The "other woman" has also denied the affair which leads me to believe it's all lies because if I met Bruce at a gym and hooked up with him, I'd tell everyone! But that's just me.

Oh Yes They Did! 4/7/09

2009-04-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh, Yes They Did!" today! Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Four Winds - The Killers (Bright Eyes cover)
2. Ceremony - New Order
3. Don't Ever Think (Too Much) - The Zutons
4. You Made Me Like It - 1990s
5. I'm On Fire - Bruce Springsteen
6. Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
7. Burning For You - Blue Oyster Cult
8. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
9. Your Love - The Outfield
10. Spaceman - The Killers

This Tuesday afternoon was even more fabulous than usual because we had guest Alex Miranda in the studio chatting with us on the show. Alex is not only totally faboosh, but he happens to be quite intelligent as well, check out his blog here.

So, topic of discussion for today was hair of the ginger variety. Since the release of the trailer for the film Cherry Bomb, we've become aware of the fact that little Ruper Grint aka Ronald Weesley has grown up quite splendidly. Seeing little Ronald in an adult role made us wonder - why don't gingers get more love? Valeria definitely appreciates the firey locks of Mr. Grint so why doesn't everyone else? Personally I've never been a huge fan of the red heads but there are a select few that I enjoy. Take for instance Mr. Charlie Waller of the Rumble Strips - he's a personal favorite. Charlie has a nice thick head of deep red hair and I find him very attractive. Sure it might help that he's in a awesome band but I happen to think that part of his charm lies in his boyish good looks (which are complimented by the hair) and incomprehensible speech pattern. Even though all of us seemed to be in agreement that the darker locks were more preferable, we still had some love for a select few blondies and red heads. We like to think that we're equal opportunity lovers.

So as many of you know, I am a HUGE Killers fan. This weekend some big news in the Killers fandom finally broke. You see Brandon Flowers and his wife had a baby boy in July of 2007 but aside from one very old picture, we had no actualy proof that this baby existed. It almost seemed as if we imagined the birth of this child and without further evidence, soon forgot it. But the Gods of Rock have shown light upon us and provided photographic proof of his existence! In the April issue of Blackbook Magazine Brandon posed with his son for a photo and I think it's safe to say that just about everyone within the Killers fandom is either aww-ing themselves into a stupor or attempting to get a baby for themselves. I mean even though half of his face is cut off and he's being held in an awkward position, we can tell he's a cutie! Seeing Brandon with his adorable son made us think - who are our favorite celebrity babies? My personal favorite (aside from baby Flowers) is Kingston, the spawn of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Not only does he have a cool name but the kid has been spotted wearing a cape - you don't get any cooler than that. Valeria chose the classy route with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt - a baby that will undoubtedly grow to be more attractive than 97% of the population. Other popular celeb spawns at OYTD were Ava and Deacon, the result of the former super couple of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe. While it's too difficult to discuss the dissolution of that relationship, we think it's quite cute (and a little creepy) that each kid look just like the parent of their respective sex. Just good genes, I guess.

One of the biggest news stories of this past week has been the Obamas globe-trotting. Now here at OYTD what we really care about is whether or not Michelle was workin' it fashion wise, and we have to say she was looking pretty damn fierce at most events. Aside from one very strange argyle sweater, everything looked very well put together and extremely elegant - we wouldn't expect anything less from our lovely first lady. Now even though we love just about everything miss Obama does, it doesn't mean she hasn't got some haters. Apparently she got some flack for wearing a cardigan when going to meet the Queen because it came off as too casual. Over here at OYTD we thought her outfit was beautiful and figured that she was just covering up because last time she showed off her beautifully sculpted arms, she caused quite a stir with the non-exercising American public. Now maybe wearing a cardigan to meet the Queen is a little understated but considering what the actual Queen was wearing, we think she looked just fine, thank you very much! On another note, is it just us or did it seem like the Obamas were the life of the party?! Every channel I turned to all I saw with Obama hugging everyone and laughing. I mean I realize these are very important men in the world but it looked like once Barack came into the room they were just about ready to throw a kegger with this guy. That's Obama for you. Making American cool again one hug at a time.

Oh Yes They Did! 3/31/09

2009-03-31T14:44:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Chainsaw - Daniel Merriweather
2. Pistols of Fire (Mark Ronson Remix) - Kings of Leon
3. O...Saya - A.R. Rahman ft. MIA
4. Ring Ringa - A.R. Rahman
5. You Never Give Me Your Money - The Beatles
6. A Well Respected Man - The Kinks
7. Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys
8. Before I Fall to Pieces - Razorlight
9. Jersey Thursday - Donovan
10. Piazza New York Catcher - Belle and Sebastian
11. Here Comes My Baby - Cat Stevens
12. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? - She & Him

Another Gossip Girl update! So after last week's episode we got a taste of what might be in store for the future of Chuck and Blair. After declaring Nate a trifling hoe, we were just itching to see what developed between him and Ms. Waldorf. After a week of anticipation.... nothing really happened. Blair was all up on that and he wasn't really feeling it. And although we find it ridiculous that someone would refuse anyone as beautiful as miss Blair, we were relieved. Well, we were relieved for about 10 minutes before Nate (the Upper Eat Side trifling hoe) decided to change his mind and romance Blair in central park! Even though we're reeling from this very disturbing development, this horrid coupling made way for another new pair - Chuck and Vanessa (who just happen to be real life lovahs.) Valeria is a fan of this new union but Candace is still on the fence. We'll just have to wait and see develops in the coming weeks!

What would a Tuesday be without an age inappropriate discussion of the goingson in the world of the Jonas Brothers? As many of you may know, Mr. Nicholas Jonas dated none other than teen queen Miley Cyrus for a significant amount of time and was the inspiration for her post-breakup song "7 Things I Hate About You." The song is pretty mean spirited but I can't blame the girl, if I got dumped by Nick I'd be pretty devastated too. Apparently dating an adult has calmed Miley down because she and Nicholas are reportedly getting a bit closer. Not only were there pictures of them chatting at the Kid's Choice Awards but rumors are swirling that the two have been calling and texting each other. Now this may seem like nothing to adults like you and I, but in the pre-pubescent world texting can be very intimate. After doing a little analysis of their body language we have decided that Nick, though seemingly polite, does not want anything to do with that so Miley needs to step and spend her time texting her old man boyfriend. In other Jonas news, Joe got himself a really bad haircut. Normally, I wouldn't say that hair changes are newsworthy but this could just not be ignored. Putting aside my love for Nicholas, I tend to find young Joseph attractive and one of the main traits I enjoy happens to be that luscious, voluminous thick head of dark hair. Now usually I enjoy when Joe gives the flat iron a break and wears his hair au natural but this particular styling was quite troubling to me because it could really only be compared to hair previously worn by Anita from West Side Story and myself at age 3. Judging from the reaction of various people who have witnessed this new hair, I'm going to go ahead and assume that Joe will not be duplicating this look any time soon. I can't be too harsh because hey, everyone's allowed a few bad hair days - but don't push it Joseph, girls' hearts are very fickle!

We could never get through a full episode without mentioning some swimmers. Thanks to the valiant efforts of Gold Medal Mel, we were presented with a lovely new video featuring none other than facebook-friendship-evading Matt Grevers. After viewing this video, Candace came to terms with the fact that she has a full fledged crush on the Gentle Giant and we surmise that this may be the root cause of her hurt due to the lack of friendship (in the facebook sense.) Even though the declaration of the crush may be new, our admiration and love for Matt Grevers is not. After we met him (even though we didn't know who he was at the time) we thought he was just about as cool a person you could find and judging from various other media released post-meeting, we think we're right. Plus he seems to posess a talent many of our other swimmers loves lack - he can dress well! If GMM's video is any evidence, Matty Grevers knows what looks good and he's workin' it - snaps for that. Though we're still unsure as to what his swimming gang affiliation might be, we still plan on spreading the Grevers love.

In light of recent events (which have been resolved for the most part) I would just like to say that the ladies of the Daily Reezy are all linked by a mutual love of the man known as Ryan Steven Lochte. So let us band together in our efforts to spread the Gospel of Lochte. Go out into the world my children and spread the Reezy love! May your grills be ever-shining and your Mountain Dew be ever-flowing.

When You're A Jet...

2009-03-28T07:31:00.001-07:00

So that whole West Side Story analogy (Ryan:Bernardo :: Michael:Riff) seems like it's taken off. We've already established that the Phans are the Jets and the Lochte lovers are the Sharks but folks have been claiming other swimmers to their respective gangs, so I think the criteria for gang affiliation needs to be clarified a bit. What exactly does it take for someone to be a Shark? What does it mean to be a Jet? The more I think about this movie and how those ballet dancing gang members relate to our swimming fandoms, it gets more complex. Luckily, I was slightly obsessed with this film in 7th grade so I think I can break it down just a bit based on my experience of watching this film just about everyday for 3 months and starring in a classroom performance of "Officer Krupke" at Wagner middle school. So taking into account what I've gathered from the film the following are my suggestions for claiming/recruiting other swimmers to the appropriate gang:
Criteria number one: personality. You see, the Sharks were just plain cool. I don't know about anyone else but when I was growing up I always thought the Sharks were way cooler than the Jets - I mean Riff if great and all but the other guys are a little lame (except for Ice, he was awesome.) The main thing that made the Sharks so cool was that they were quiet; they weren't showy about their badassery, they just walked around in their purple, red and black clothes and looked the part. This may have been due to the fact that they weren't really given any lines, but I think that just added to their mistique. So how does this relate to swimming? Well I would go as far to say that when we're going to look at personalities, someone like Jason Lezak would be a Shark and Gary Hall would be a Jet. Jason Lezak is clearly a badass but he's quiet about it - like a Shark. Yeah, he won that relay. No Michael wouldn't have won 8 golds without him. He knows, he just doesn't talk about it. On the other hand, Gary Hall is a badass and he wants everyone to know it - he wears capes for crying out loud. That is very Jet-like behavior. Makes perfect sense to me.

Something that must be considered when choosing the appropriate gang is how well established each swimmer is (this may or may not interfere with other criteria but we can discuss that later.) Clearly the Sharks are the new kids in town- I mean they moved to the neighborhood (and to America) pretty recently so they're still adjusting to everything that's going on around them. This is one of the main reasons why Reezy was assigned the role of Bernardo in the first place - Michael had cemented his role in the swimming world (like Riff being part of the neighborhood for an unknown but presumably long period of time) while Ryan was coming onto the scene (like Bernardo moving into the neighborhood and being super hot in his red and black outfits, ballet dancing in converse.) So by this rule the Sharks would claim up-and-coming swimmers like Nathan Adrian and Nick Thoman. To those of us still learning about the swimming world, they're the "new" kids in town and therefore associated with the Sharks. Now of course this causes conflict with our man Lezak who is not new by any means but rather a very well established swimmer - I would say that in cases like Lezak's simply use the principle of subjective utility.

Another very important criteria is sheer affiliation. Gangs (at least in West Side Story) are, in part, about community. The Jets have been buddies for years - Riff and Tony grew up together!. All the guys are from the neighborhood and started the gang to protect their turf, so to speak. The Sharks started their gang because they all moved into the neighborhood together and share a community - they operate as a unit. They even live in the same building! So according to this rule someone like Erik Vendt would automatically be named a Jet because Michael Fred is his boy and I'm sure if he had to choose himself, he'd be on Mikey's side anyway. This rule also applies to Cullen Jones who is not only a Shark on the basis of his personality (that whole quiet confidence thing) but also on the basis of his friendship with Reezy - so there's definitely Shark affiliation there. Plus I think he's look just splendid in red and black.

As you can see, each gang has a particular feel. Some of the distinctions between each are not so clear cut, so use your best judgment went recruiting. Oh and for all the other roles, I'm still working on proper assignment but I think that a safe bet would be to say that Bob Bowman is Officer Krupke.

Oh, Yes They Did! 3/24/09

2009-03-24T13:34:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who tuned in to "Oh, Yes They Did!" today. Here's the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
2. Dedicated Follower of Fashion - The Kinks
3. Headlights - Sean Lennon
4. Microphone - Coconut Records
5. Sherry Darling - Bruce Springsteen
6. Goodnight Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat
7. Just - Mark Ronson ft. Alex Greenwald
8. Bones - The Killers
9. This Winter I Retire - Said The Whale
10. Getting Better - The Beatles

It's Tuesday which means yesterday was Monday which means Gossip Girl was on which means we were glued to our television sets at precisely 8:00pm EST. I have to say, I wasn't always a fan of this show but at a certain point in time I got sucked in by the good fashion and bad storylines - now I'm hooked! Without going into the nitty gritty and intricacies of this show, we can safely say that we're pretty upset about the fact that cosmos of the Gossip Girl universe seem to be keeping Chuck and Blaire apart when they are clearly meant for each other! Though we're still recovering from the shock of seeing Miss Blaire in the arms of none other than ex-love Nathaniel, we're kind of psyced about the prospect of Chuckles conjuring up an Upper East Side ass whooping with Nate's name on it. Hey, the more story lines that don't involve Serena the better. Though we love the characters of Gossip Girl, we also love the actors and enjoy viewing candid pictures of them from time to time. Well we did enjoy it until Valeria found these horrendous shots of Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr (aka Chuck and Vanessa) on the beach somewhere. Unfortunately what we learned from these pictures is that the clothes make the man - and for him, the more clothes the better. Not that I don't like to see a man with his shirt off but considering the only men I've seen nearly naked have been Olympic swimmers, Ed Westick was not measuring up. I'm sure the fact that he looked like an extra from the Twilight movie didn't help the situation but neither did the patch of fur that found a home on his chest. I think I'll stick to Gossip Girl for my dose of Ed Westwick from now on, thanks.

So ever since we (and most of the US population) became obsessed with Slumdog Millionaire started it seems that Bollywood and Bollywood references have been everywhere . A friend of mine who is very familiar with various Bollywood films suggested I check out a movie called Kismat Konnection as an initiation into the genre (for lack of a better word.) Even though the movie was about 3 hours long (which I was not expecting) and split into 16 somehwat blurry parts on youtube, I absolutely loved it and I found a new lovah in the process - Mr. Shahid Kapoor. I have to admit, he's so delicious that he might just be nudging Dev Patel over and taking his spot as my Vinda-Love. Not that I'm into this kind of thing or anything but this dude has some moves on him. I Youtubed some of his live performances and once I got over the terrible late 90s aesthetic, I was into it. Now even though I am currently in love with Mr. Kapoor and fully enjoyed the film I was a little confused by one particular portion of the movie. I was familiar with the Bollywood stereotype - random dance breaks that are completely unrelated to the plotline etc- but I didn't think it would actually happen in the movie I was watching. I mean most of the songs served as some sort of plot device and helped movie the story along but this one song... just didn't make sense. In the middle of this movie it literally cut from a normal scene to something that seemed to be something similar to a Ricky Martin music video - which had little to nothing to do with the story. Though I was a little confused at first, Shahid Kapoor is so hot I really didn't care. Check out the random dance break aka Aai Papi from the movie Kismat Konnection here:

In light on a certain incident no ONTD_O, I got to thinking about the different fandoms in the swimming world. Although there definitely no war going on, sometimes I feel a bit of resentment between the Phelps Phans and the Reezy fans. It's never blatanly stated but it underlies certain exchanges. For instance, no love for the Reezy posts on ONTD_O? Or anger caused by enthusiastic Reezy fans talking about the backstroke death match (that may or may not occur in the near future) between our boys. Generally we get along pretty well but I can't help but think if we had to choose sides it could get ugly - like a Sharks vs. Jets kind of situation (minus the amazing score and ballet dancing.) I mean UltraSwim is coming up pretty soon with trials soon to follow and to be quite honest, if Mikey were to go head to head with Ryan I'd have to root for my boy Reezy. The truth is, most of dabble in both - a little Phelps one day, a little Lochte the next - but we always lean toward one and with all these competitions coming up our loyalty is going to be tested. And don't try that "impartial" thing with me because when ballet dancing gangs are involved, you better choose one side for your own protection! I've already declared that in this West Side Story analogy, Reezy would be Bernardo because he's got that Latin flavor and is just plain cool. Plus he's kind of the new kid on the block in terms of popularity (outside of the swim world) - kind of like Bernardo and his crew being new in the neighborhood. Also it means that I can wear he cool colors like red and purple as opposed to ugly mustard tones that the Jets wore.

Last topic on the list is the must loved show Jon and Kate Plus 8. Now I have to admit I haven't seen an awful lot of this show so I don't really know what's going on but maybe I would watch more if the few episodes I did see didn't involve Kate insulting Jon 50% of the time! She is so mean to him it hurts my soul. I heard some rumors that he was messing around behind her back (rumors which I hope aren't true) and I am never one to say that is a woman's fault if her husband strays but she is making it tough to stay in that house! I also heard through the grapevine that Jon didn't want to get married or have kids when she did but she worked her womanly magic and made it happen. Sure you can't force someone to do what you want but women have ways. I know I'm being biased but I just feel bad for the guy - he seems like a good dad and she takes what little manhood he has left by barraging him with insults. Kate just needs to loosen up cause she has some cute kids and a cute husband! And someone get that woman a babysitter!

We like it, We Love It We, Want More of It!

2009-03-19T12:21:00.001-07:00

I believe it was just a few days ago when we got wind of the news that the USA's finest were going to training with another group of the USA's finest. That's right folks, the good old Nation Team was headed off to train with the hard core, no jokes, serious business Navy SEALs. Thanks to a well known blogging swimmer that goes by the initials GWG, we got word of this intriguing news and our fangirl brains were already abuzz with excitement (cue the Officer and a Gentleman dream sequence, please.)

Well the Gods of Swimming goodness (and internet social networking sites) have shown light upon us and have granted us some wonderful, wonderful images. Now I should probably preface this by saying the only thing I might love slightly more than seeing a beautiful man in a Speedo is seeing a beautiful man in uniform - or something closely resembling one. So imagine my surprise when mine eyes got a peek at Mr. Michael Phelps and Mr. Nick Thoman in some Navy SEALs style, manly man Fatigues. My reaction might have been something that can only be described as resembling those occurrences in oversexualized cartoons when someone's eyes pop out of their heads only to be forcefully pulled back into their skull by some rubberband-esque part of the anatomy I have yet to discover. That said, after seeing this photo I had to wonder: why exactly are they called "Fatigues"? Because after I got a glimpse of these two wearing them I was wide awake, thank you very much. This was just a lovely, harmonious blend of man - what's manlier than a bunch of dudes hanging out together and engaging in actives that can only be successfully accomplished by exhibiting brute strength couples with plentiful amounts of effortful grunts? It was like a beautiful, Olympic, aquatic version of Platoon (only less scary, where nobody dies and without Johnny Depp.) I mean could anything be better than imagining that underneath that testosterone-laced military garb lie the beautiful not-yet-shaven swimming physiques that we've come to love so much and that, once disrobed will be donning swimsuits that expose little less than what seems customary at a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show? I think not.

Also, not that the idea of Mr. Bob Bowman (trainer-extraordinaire and maestro of pain) yelling at Michael Fred over his pre-dive arm twirling isn't emotionally stirring (because I've gotten a kick out of it from time to time) but the possibility that perhaps some very frightening man with a loud voice, high pain tolerance and strange choice of hat (otherwise known as a Sergeant) made Michael Fred his bitch for a few minutes just because he could, is pretty damn exciting. Maybe it's the masochist in me or the fact that I grew up in fear of the Silva Death Stare but the more I think about it, the more I really like that idea. Because let's face it, in every good war movie there's always that one You're in the army now, bitch! moment and in my mind, there was one of those at this camp and Michael was at the receiving end. Ok so this was technically the Navy but I'm sure it happens there too. I mean, have you seen an Officer and a Gentleman? Richard Gere was messed up and Lou Gossett Jr was not about to let him get away with anything! Dude was scary!

As much fun as it is to think about our swimmer babies roughing it in the Navy and throwing their 6 foot-plus frames over obstacle courses, let's hope they didn't do any major damage. I mean even though they're clearly no strangers to physical exertion and probably kept up with the best of them, this thing called "land" that us mortals have to deal with everyday is very different from the Aquatic environment our babies are used to - not very friendly on the joints. On that note, best wishes to Ms. Megan Jendrick who sustained a bit of an injury during the training - cause she's fierce and was showin' those boys how it's done! Speedy recovery!

Oh and just for fun:

Oh, Yes They Did! 3/17/09

2009-03-17T15:04:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Toxic - Britney Spears
2. New York Groove - Hello
3. Call Me - Blondie
4. Forget About What I Said - The Killers
5. Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat
6. The End Has No End - The Strokes
7. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads
8. Birthday - The Beatles (dedicated to a certain GMM offspring who had a birthday this past weekend)
9. Tomorrow Never Knows - Bruce Springsteen
10. Two of Us - The Beatles

It's St. Patty's day at OYTD and while we weren't getting drunk on alcohol we were intoxicated from all the celebrity fodder! Lucky for us, we had a week off so it gave us some time to collect some wonderful swimmer news. First off, Michael Fred's interview with Matty Matt Lauer. Now lord knows I love this boy to death but this interview was a stinker. I mean it's already been about 6 weeks since the news broke about the infamous picture so maybe I'm a bit desensitized to anything regarding this situation but it just seemed like this interview was pointless. No new information was revealed, questions weren't really answered and Michael was wearing some ugly shoes without socks (and you all know how I feel about the socks!) Maybe my standards were just too high because I sort of went in thinking that unless the interview included a) man tears or b) a reason for me to bring out the Kleenex, it wasn't going to be too great. Also, Michael's affect seemed to be a little off. While I can understand why he might be defensive because,after all, people were freaking out over something most people his age have done or do regularly, I thought he could have really used the appearance as an opportunity to remind everyone why they were all obsessed with him in the first place - and he didn't seemed to do it. I can't blame the failure of the interview on him though because at the very least, he was playing to the female fans - wearing a very snug fitting shirt (which was greatly appreciated.) Plus the interview seemed to edited pretty poorly - there were various times where it seemed fairly obvious that his sentences were cut off, plus each version of the interview seemed to have different content so I feel like I never got the "full interview" that I was promised. Lastly, I know my television and considering the fact that Michael segment was the first thing they showed on Dateline, they must have known it wasn't that good - they usually save the best stuff for last. The only interesting thing about the interview was that Michael said he went through what I like to call a quarter-life crisis and questioned his motivation to keep swimming. I suspect he decided to keep doing it because none other than Batman basically asked him to keep doing it. Wise choice Michael - you don't want to make Christian Bale angry.

In related news, FINA handed down some official rules regarding swimsuits. We printed out the rules, read them over and have to say -there's a lot of words in there and a lot of references to buoyancy. Basically what we're getting at is that we don't really understand what these rules mean, so we decided to make up our own rule - go back to the little Ryan Lochte style and level the playing field. I mean the whole LZR Racer thing was fun while it lasted but the true measure of a swimmer is how well they can perform in wearing as little as possible - and although the LZR Racers are pretty thin, they do not provide the same visual stimulation as the old school Speedo. Plus at the end of the day swimming should be about the swimmers, not the suits. In all honesty, sometimes I wonder how much the suits really affect their ability and how much is really mental, you know like those old school Reebok Air shoes with the pump - did the "air" you were pumping into your shoes really make a difference or was the fact that you felt like a badass in your sweet sneakers make a difference? Just an aside, but one of the FINA rules kind of freaked me out - under "Construction" it said: Any system providing external stimulation or influence of any form (e.g. pain reduction, chemical/medical substance release, electro-stimulation, or others) is prohibited. Um, I don't know what's going on in your swimsuits but I will be having none of your electro-stimulation, thank you every much!

Believe it or not, sometimes we like to look at pretty people who aren't Ryan Lochte. Even though it's been a while, I used to be a pretty big fan of "America's Next Top Model" or as we over here at OYTD like to call it "The Tyra Show;" because let's face it, the show is about her and how much better she is at modeling than all those girls. Apparently she's a LOT better than all of them because we could not think of a single winner of that show that has gone on to do anything particularly interesting. I think I saw Miss Danielle, winner of cycle 6, in a Sears catalog (or something equally as pedestrian.) It's really a shame because they had some girls who seemed pretty fierce - my personal favorite being Naima. Where is she? Where is she?! She had some great photos during her season and I really expected a lot of good things from her. Last I saw of her she was in an ONTD post where it looked like she might have been engaging in some questionable behavior. Maybe this is why models are so thin - if you can't get a job you can't buy food!

In other news, it seems that our podcast server is having some technical difficulties at the moment. We'll keep you updated on the situation.

West Philadelphia Born and Raised

2009-03-11T14:06:00.001-07:00

Ch-check it out. As some of you may have noticed, Speedo USA has a lovely fanpage up on Facebook. I've recently joined up and I have to say I am enjoying the visuals (clearly) and some of the comments on the wall. Speedo athletes like Natalie Coughlin and Katie Hoff have left some comments and Reezy's said a few nice words (most of them being 'jeah') which I think is pretty cool but my favorite thing about the page is getting to see some new images of our favorite athletes dressed in our favorite way - in brightly colored, snugly fitted swimwear.

Take for instance Ryan Lochte's new Speedo pictures. As I've sad before, once I got over my temporary loss of vision after looking at the insanely bright collection of Speedos that they call "flipturns," I actually began to enjoy them. I mean let's be honest with ourselves, if a dude like Ryan Lochte is in the vacinity and he's wearing a Speedo I'm going to be looking in in his a direction anyway - and in a very particular direction (if you know what I mean) - so they might as well print something fun on it to make the experience more interesting for both of us. The creation of the flipturn just shows that Speedo finally figured out the fact that, yeah, we're looking and we're probably not hiding it very well. From what I can tell, it seems that the basic idea behind the flipturn is, aside from being a more "fashionable" form of swimwear, it's a device to invite a more obvious and longer gaze. I mean the prints are pretty intricate so you'd really have to get a good look at them to know what's on there. Maybe they're trying to help us out, you know give us an excuse in case we ever got caught checking out the merchandise. So if someone like Ryan ever noticed you staring at their...Speedo... (with drool undoubtedly coming out of your mouth) you could just tell them you were simply fascinated by the print on his bright pink swimwear and were attempting to decipher whether it was a newt or a salamander that was printed ever so brightly on his butt. Hey, if Speedo is ok with the fact that when I'm looking I have exactly 0% discretion, then I am glad to be a an official Facebook fan!

Now to the real issues. Even before I saw Ryan's pictures on the Speedo fanpage, I saw them thanks to the lovely folks over at the Daily Reezy and I have to say I absolutely love them. I think these completely capture the essence that is Ryan Lochte. I mean this is straight up Mountain-Dew-drinking, fun-dip-eating, questionable-blog-writing, Grill-wearing, iced-out-to-the-fullest Ryan Steven Lochte. If you told me these were just pictures they covertly took while he was hanging around on set I would believe you because it captures him that perfectly! It's got everything - the quintessential Reezy animated facial expressions, exposure of the skin that is always just one notch above tan with just the slightest hint of a burn courtesy of the Florida sun, and that inexplicable something that is just Reezy himself. Like GMM always said, to know Lochte is to love Lochte - this is him and I am loving it.

Even though I love the pictures I did notice one thing. I don't know about anyone else but the second I saw this picture all I could think of was that it looked like it could have been a production still from a CW revival of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I mean, with the expression on his face, that hat (which is very similar to that seen in the opening credits) and that wacky pose, it is straight up "West Philadelphia born and raised" circa 1990. Not that I have a problem with that, I love Fresh Prince! And I think Reezy's got enough flavor and style to be considered the Fresh Prince of swimming, plus I saw a couple of pictures of Reezy going for a slam dunk on the b-ball court and it looked like boy had some game. And I'll have you know that in the opening credits he does say his life got "flipturned upside down" so it seems pretty fitting. But this whole retro TV thing got me thinking: if Reezy is the Fresh Prince, then who would be Jazz? You see, Jazz is an integral character in the Fresh Prince universe - not only is he Will's best friend but he's kind of a hype man of sorts. I thought for a moment that perhaps Michael (the other half of Phlochte) might just be the Jazz to Reezy's Fresh Prince. But the more I thought about it, I felt that maybe Michael might be more of a Carlton. You see, when Michael's training, he seems to be pretty serious - like a bow-tie-wearing, Tom-Jones-Loving Carlton. They're both a little (ok maybe a lot) nerdy at times, and they're both pretty serious about their prospective goals - Carlton wants to go to Princeton and Michael wants to win those races - you see where I'm going with this? Also, Eve put a vision in my mind of what Michael probably looks like when he dances and unfortunately, the Carlton comparison seem fairly accurate in that respect.

All dancing jokes aside, I think we've seen from... recent very "Jazz" like events, that Michael seems to be a pretty multi-faceted guy - he's not wearing that Carlton bow-tie all the time! He might even do a few things that warrant being thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil. So I'm going to go a head and say that Michael can be both Carlton and Jazz. They're both important characters who serve a similar, and very important purpose in the life of the Fresh Prince. Now I know what you're thinking, "but Candace, they're personalities are so different!" You make an excellent point there. It is true that Carlton and Jazz are different, which is precisely why I have dissected the personality of Michael Phelps in such a way that it allows him to represent 2 characters. I think that it's safe to say that Michael can be Carlton when he's training - because at that point he's under the guidance of Uncle Phil, I mean Bob Bowman - and then he can be Jazz when he's taking breaks and going to Las Vegas. Sure there might be a few exceptions, like the time Carlton and Will went to Vegas together and did a dance to "Jump On It" to make money but we really can't afford to get into the true intricacies of this show or we'll just be here all night! Wait... so does this mean Debbie is Aunt Viv?

Oh, Yes They Did! 3/3/09

2009-03-04T09:43:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran
2. The World We Live In - The Killers
3. Don't You Want Me - The Human League
4. Lover's Nerve - Mando Diao
5. She's Electric - Oasis
6. Bang a Gong (Get it On) - T. Rex
7. Listen to the Music - Doobie Brothers
8. Good Eye - Bruce Springsteen
9. Showdown - ELO
10. Wait For Me - Sean Lennon
11. Norwegian Wood - The Beatles

It wouldn't be an episode of OYTD if we didn't talk about our love for Dev Patel. For those of you NOT in the know, Candace has been trying her very hardest to learn the "Jai Ho" dance shown at the end of "Slumdog Millionaire." Valeria can vouch, girl has got it DOWN! Well "it" as in the parts you can actually see when the credits aren't being shown. But even so, she's learned a pretty good amount and her body is sore as hell from all the dancing in her living room so give the girl some credit! Clearly our love for Slumdog Millionaire is taking over our lives and will undoubtedly affect our future relationships with men who will refuse to go on gameshows to win our love, but we can live with that. During all the Jai Ho dancing, we learned that Valeria now has a subscription to 'Star' magazine which is both troubling and wonderful becuse it means we'll get access to exciting and inaccurate celebrity news. According to the mag, we're not the only cougars who want some Vinda-Love. None other than leg-crossing-Basic-Instinct Sharon Stone (allegedly) tried to slip Dev Patel her digits at some British Awards show. Now of course we know in our heart of hearts that Dev Patel only had eyes for Freida Pinto but we think it's pretty funny that a formerly Girlfriend-less 80lb boy from London is now being accosted by Sharon Stone. We doubt that Dev was biting though, because according to another report in Star magazine (accompanied by a lovely photo) Freida and Dev were spotted "canoodling" in a pub at 3:00 in the morning. Sorry, Sharon! Looks like the only person gettin' any of Dev's Vinda-Love is Miss Freida.

Ok I think there's a reason why that show is called 'The Bachelor.' It's because that dude can't make a damn decision and is destined to end up alone! So neither of us here at OYTD have watched the entire season but conveniently enough we did happen to catch the season finally which of course the most important and arguably the only important episode. To be honest, I don't remember the names of the ladies but I do remember the fact that this dude was crying like he just lost his best friend in a house fire. I mean, I'm all for the man tears at the appropriate time (like when you meet your beautiful love at the train station but then your bastard of a brother basically kidnaps her and throws her in the back of a car) but this was just beyond anything I ever needed to see in my life. I mean this guy was all about the dramatics - leaning over the balcony? Really? That's too much now. Anyway, he picked this one girl who was super cute and they were super happy and adorable. Cut to the after-show special and they're breaking up! What a bastard! Her words not mine. No seriously, she actually said "you're such a bastard" under her breath - it was amazing. Apparently he was actually in love with the blonde chick (who we were less fond of) and she actually took him back! Way to make women look like idiots! Actually, they're both tools so maybe they'll be happy. They deserve each other. Oh and if anyone Tivo-ed it, you could probably play a drinking game to that special - because if you took a drink every time this guy said 'regret' you'd be wasted within 10 minutes.

Jonas. Brothers. My two favorite words in the English language. We had a lot of Jonas news to cover, starting with some music news. We gave our listeners a little taste of the 'Tonight' remix that Timbaland did for the boys and we'll just say we were a little less than enthusiastic about the result. I mean Timbaland is supposed to be good at these things but he took a song that was lighthearted and fun and made it sound, not only really depressing, but also as if it were recorded on using a Casio keyboard and a Rainbow Bright tape recorder. The song sucks but we can't blame The Boys, the original is actually really fun and very appropriate for their 3D movie. Speaking of the 3D movie, little miss Demi Lovato makes an appearance along side the well-quaffed threesome. Demi has some pipes on her and she also happens to be best friends with Selena Gomez, the former love of Mr. Nicholas Jonas. Valeria surmised that perhaps Nicholas was only dating Miss Selena to get closer to Demi. I have to say, even though I was into their interracial love while it lasted, there is quite a bit of evidence that supports her theory. For example, when filling out a "complete the sentence" questionnaire (for a cheesy teenger bopper magazine that I may or may not have purchased over the summer) Nicholas, when presented with the sentence "I think ___ is cute" filled in the blank with "Demi Lovato" whilst his brothers chose safer answer choices like "my mom" and something else equally as boring. Also as someone who may or may not have seen the "Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience" I may or may or may not have witnessed some on-stage interactions that further support this theory. If you think about it, they would make quite the cute couple. They're the same age, they're both famous, they're both performers and they're both in the Disney universe. Plus you know I love the interracial loving so hey, get your groove on kids (in the most PG way you possibly can.) Speaking of the Jonai getting their groove on, how is it possible that Joe Jonas is dating Camilla Belle? I mean I understand the general concept of the purity ring and will power and all that stuff...but he's dating Camilla Belle - she doesn't exactly seem like the purity ring type of girl, plus have you seen those pictures of her in GQ? Her hotness could melt that metal right off his finger! Taylor Swift seemed like a much safer choice but she got kicked to the curb (apparently via 27 second phone call if you believe published reports) for the older and much more dangerous Camilla Belle. To be honest, I think they make quite the handsome pair, I just hope that she doesn't corrupt our dearest Joseph. Stay strong, Joe! God speed.

Oh Yes They Did! 2/24/09

2009-02-25T19:47:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened to this week's edition of OYTD. Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Jai Ho- AR Rahman
2. Paper Planes - MIA
3. I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You - Black Kids
4. Tidal Wave - The Killers
5. Lovers in Japan - Coldplay
6. Two Doors Down - Mystery Jets
7. Oh Creole - The Rumble Strips
8. I Was Made For You - She and Him
9. Baby, Now That I Found You - The Foundations
10. Delayed Devotion - Duffy

Two words: Dev. Patel. For those of you who don't know, Dev Patel is the young star of 'Slumdog Millionaire' and he is our latest and perhaps greatest obsession over here at OYTD. Not only is he flavorful (ethnically speaking) but he has a delicious British accent. We know that he's only 18 but we're willing to overlook it because if Nick Jonas has shown us anything, age ain't nothin' but a number! We decided that since Dev will undoubtedly become a redisent ethnic love over here in the OYTD universe, he deserves a nickname a la "Chocolate Love." We had some trouble coming up with a name that met the appropriate criteria. All lover nicknames must be comprised of two vital elements: an ethnic food item and the word "love." We first had to think of food items. We thought of possibly using Naan, because it is a scrumptious Indian delicacy but the word sounds slightly negative and Curry was too obvious (and almost overtly racist) so decided to go with Vindaloo - it's delicious, spicy and Indian, just like Dev. Of course we made some minor changes to make sure that the nickname fit the above mentioned criteria and have named our Indian Lovah, Dev Patel "Vinda-Love." Welcome aboard the love train, Dev!

Someone else who seems to be feelin' our Vinda-love as of late is none other than Dev's 'Slumdog' costar miss Freida Pinto. There are various rumors swirling that Freida broke it off with her fiance and has taken up with the younger man (which I can totally respect, okay?) Now, we don't know how true any of this is but we have compiled some pictures as evidenciary support (in the words of Elle Woods). What that basically means is that we were fangirling over pictures of Dev and Freida together so hard that we started collecting them. What we were looking for specifically, however, were some pictures where these cuties were giving each other some Michelle and Barack looks - LOVE in the EYES! Maybe it's just a rumor or just our hearts willing a real-life Jamal/Lahtika love affair, but you cannot fake the look of love! Plus how cute would it be if they really did start dating? (and then did a cute bollywood dance in a train station) It's destiny!

Ok, I know we all LOVE (with an L-O-V-E) our boy Reezy but there is no excuse for some of the pictures that have been surfacing as of late. I don't know what these were for but there was some horrendous Marky Mark, Channing Tatum, back alley, JC Penney photo lab aesthetic going on in a set of pictures recently shown to these eyes. The thing that REALLY bothers me about this situation is not necessary the tacky wood paneling in the background (which clearly does bother me) or the fact that one of the shots features Reezy wearing a suit that is about 8 sizes too big. No, I can live with all of that but what REALLY bothers me is that with someone as naturally good looking as Ryan Lochte, you have to exhert a considerable amount of effort to produce pictures this bad. We've seen candid pictures of this man that are lightyears better than these. I mean, I've seen pictures where Reezy is sitting and picking his nails that could be put into a magazine. I'm talking photos where he's mid-sentence that are still better than this "organized photoshoot." Valeria wondered if maybe Ryan had a little something to do with the way this whole thing went down - was this a collaborative effort? It's a good hypothesis but for some reason I can't help but think back to the movie Zoolander (you're a monkey, Derek!) and assume that Ryan is putting his trust in these cheestastic photographers only to be taken advantage of. I mean these looked like production still from the latest addition to the 'Step Up' movie franchise. And we know he's not the problem - just look at him! Underneath all that gel is a beautiful, precious, priceless gem of a man. We've seen him on the podium post-swim, skin glistening from the chlorine, hair damp and finger-combed just so. When will these people learn that less is more?! All I have to say is that we are in dire need to GQ 2.0 because not only was his actual modeling fierce, but the styling was ferosh. More of that, please!

On a side note: If you haven't noticed, we've been completely fangirling over not only Dev Patel, but the ENTIRE cast of 'Slumdog Millionaire,' including the kids! Check out this interview of them at the oscars and feel your heart melt!

Oh Yes They Did! 2/16/09

2009-02-17T13:44:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to a very special Monday edition of 'Oh, Yes They Did!' Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
2. When You Were Young - The Killers
3. Starlight - Muse
4. Boys Keep Swinging - David Bowie
5. Best For Last - Adele
6. Instant Pleasure - Rufus Wainwright
7. Take My Time - Junior Senior
8. Mientele - Los Bunkers
9. Someday - The Strokes
10. American Girl - Tom Petty

It wouldn't be a real episode of OYTD if we didn't mention the Brothers Jonai and their undeniable cuteness. As you may know, Valeria and I had a "Lonely Girl" sleepover in honor of Valentine's Day because well... we're lonely girls. We were going to be each other's dates for the occasion but as luck would have it, we ended up snagging ourselves three days. That's right kids we celebrated Valentine's day with Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas. You see, while we were at CVS buying some everyday necessities, we stumbled upon a lovely heart-shaped box of chocolates that played a little sound clip of 'When You Look Me in the Eyes' by the well-quaffed threesome. Needless to say, it was immediately purchased and taken home. We also had the pleasure of watching the boys perform on SNL. It was all very innocent, purity-ring kind of stuff until we saw their second musical performance - featuring young Nicholas on the drums. The sight of of his frizz-less curls bouncing around as he wailed out on that drumkit was simply too much! That is just one of several reasons why we have decided to add a 'Countdown to Nick Jonas' 18th Birthday' to our sidebar (see you in 2 years, baby!) We also had Jeff sit in with us for out first segment and to our surprise, Jeff had some very positive comments regarding the boys SNL appearance. He also seems to more or less approve of my inappropriate love for Nick Jonas because he made us a lovely "Burnin' Up" sound effect to play on the show. I'll be expecting some visits from Jeff when I'm in the big house.

This weekend was pretty eventful. Aside from our Jonas Brothers Valentine's Day and subsequent dance party, we got word that our boy Ryan S. Lochte swam at the Missouri Grand Prix. Now I'm sure he kicked some major swimming butt in the pool but what we're really interested in is the fact that Reezy's deck-changing abilities were captured on film. That's right kids, there is a YouTube video floating around of Mr. Ryan Lochte doing a little under-the-towel wardrobe change. Not only does the sight of Ryan Lochte removing what I'm sure was a very tiny speedo do major damage to my ovaries, but seeing him...ahem... adjust himself while doing so may have caused irreversible harm to my entire reproductive system. While I'm sure he's oblivious to the harm he causes and can't help himself, every now and then I get the feeling that maybe, just may he knows exactly what he's doing.

Speaking of Ryan driving the ladies crazy, we affirmed that Ryan Lochte is simply too hot. Now some of you might think that that's an impossibility but I'm pretty sure the thought of dating Ryan Lochte, while initially thrilling, would strike fear into the hearts of women across this great nation. I mean even though you'd have bragging rights for several lifetimes, dating someone that attractive would definitely bring down our self esteem a few notches. Not to mention the insane possessiveness you'd feel over over him because when you're with Reezy, you know girls will be checkin' out your man. Basically what we're saying is that unless you are as fierce, fabulous and flawless as Ryan Lochte (which is pretty hard to imagine) you're better off admiring from afar.

Boy Bands! Don'tcha just love them? Well if you don't, I don't know where your head is at because they are fantastic! We had a little boy band blast from the past on the show - featuring some clips from New Edition and the incomparable New Kids on the Block. Valeria and I were in agreement about the fact that Jordan was the fiercest of the New Kids - and he was workin' that hair! Not only was he fierce as HALE when he was with the New Kids, but he was also pretty effing hot when he made his little comeback in the late 90s. He was older, wiser and sand songs with suggestive lyrics - what more could a girl want? Of course, NKOTB isnt for everyone, which is precisely why we have a little poll up so you can vote for your favorite Boy Band. Get voting!

In other news, it looks like Michael Fred is off the hook. It seems as though that Sheriff down in SC finally realized that persecuting Olympians for petty crimes isn't the best way to spend his free time. Now that he doesn't have much to do I suggest he finds a hobby. I think that knitting would be an excellent choice because I, for one, would love to see his collection of knitted fashions. But what I think we're all looking forward to is seeing Michael Fred tear it up on the water again. Hey maybe that sheriff can figure out a way to knit me a big foam finger (well... big knitted finger in this case.) It might be a nice little project for him because if this situation has shown us anything, it's that this guy is chronically bored.

The Jonas Dilemma

2009-02-15T06:05:00.001-08:00

I love the Jonas Brothers. I do. I've seen Camp Rock. And I liked it. I might have even seen it more than once. I might have even purchased the DVD (with the karaoke special feature on it) on the day of its release. I might have even moseyed past the Jonas tour bus when they played Madison Square Garden and written something on it with a giant black sharpie. And maybe I walked 20 blocks to to find a sharpie just so I could do it. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Because I have a problem. Allow me to explain:

It's been a while since there was a decent boy band on this planet. It's also been a while since I was 13 years old - so maybe that's why I feel some guilt in admitting the fact that I absolutely love the Jonas Brothers. Just like any self respecting college student, I had some trouble coming to terms with my love for the Brothers Jonai. For a while, I couldn't even admit to knowing who the were let alone liking them. I would just listen to their sugary sweet pop songs in my room with the door shut or on my iPod at a very low volume - making sure no sound would escape my headphones and give up my covert operation - and not say a word. I would make excuses - I didn't really like them, their songs were just catchy! But denial is how this whole thing begins. You feel guilt in knowing the band you're listening to is not only a product of Disney but also happens to be the preferred musical choice of Sasha and Malia Obama - ages 7 and 10. Sure, knowing that your love for the Jonai basically means that you'd fit right in at a White House sleepover is a little troublesome but soon enough, things start looking up. Once you allow enough of your dignity to be eroded by multiple listenings of "Burnin Up" and "S.O.S." you begin to realize that you can't be the only one! Surely there are others in the world outside of Jonas target audience age bracket who enjoy them as much as you do. And there are.

I should probably explain how my love for the Jonai began. You see, I work with kids and kids enjoy it when you talk to them about things they like - so I try to stay in touch with today's youth. I've watched a few episodes of Hannah Montana - which may seem like self induced torture to some, but when you can chew the fat with a group of 8 year olds and talk about how funny it was when Hannah's brother started that Nacho Cheese and Jerky stand, you're doing your job. A few years back the big thing with the kids was "High School Musical." The problem was, I never saw the movie so I was missing out on a big chunk of what these kids wanted to talk about. This past summer Iremembered hearing that this new movie 'Camp Rock' was premiering on the Disney Channel so I made a conscious effort to sit down and watch it because: a) it's Disney which means b) it was going to be HUGE. My intentions were pure - I was watching the movie for the kids. I had no way of knowing that I would actually enjoy the movie, Joe Jonas' singing or their bad acting - but I did.

After discovering the Jonai, the problem only got worse. They were everywhere! Usually overexposure is the quickest way to kill my interest but with them... I didn't really mind that they were on TV 23 hours out of the day. That's the biggest problem - I never mind. In fact, I prefer it. It's a Jonas world and I'm just living in it - very happily I might add.

The main problem with the Jonas dilemma is that, I realize that I probably shouldn't enjoy them as much as I do but they're always around! The media just perpetuates this dangerous cycle of Jonas. I mean, if given the appropriate time frame, I could probably ween myself off of their catchy songs, cheerful demeanor and fabulous hair styles, but I can't get away from them! Just when enough time has passed and I think I'm finally moving on to something more appropriate, they're back again! Take for instance their appearance on SNL. Now because I have this Jonas problem I am very well aware of the fact that they have a movie coming out - Jonas Brothers 3D concert Experience to be exact - so they're making the rounds at all the talk shows and whatnot to promote it. Sure, I can avoid the occasional appearance on Ellen or the random clips on Access Hollywood - but SNL is hard to skip. SNL is a show for grown-ups! SNL is a show for people who stay up late! Apparently SNL is also a show for creepy cougars like myself because this weekend, SNL was smothered in Jonai. Not that I minded, of course. It might have actually been motivation for watching which is a problem in and of itself.

Sure, there are times when I realize that my love for the Jonai (and crush on Nick Jonas) basically means that I have the taste of a 14 year old girl, but I just try and block out those thoughts. The truth is, sometimes things that are "age appropriate" are just plain boring. Yeah, I could watch an Episode of Law and Order or something like that instead of Camp Rock, but I'd much rather bop along on to some Disney songs on my couch than watch someone go on trial for murder. Of course there are bands (comprised of adults) that I like and concerts I go to but they can get pretty intense and sometimes I want to relax and have fun - the Jonas Brothers are fun. They're fun to watch and they're fun to listen to. They dress pretty and they have nice hair. I can't help it if that's appealing. If loving the Jonas Brothers is wrong, then I don't want to be right!

P.S They did some skits on SNL this weekend (that I enjoyed far too much) in case you missed it, here's the Jonai in an SNL digital Short:

This post is Jonas Approved!

Oh Yes They Did! 2/10/09

2009-02-10T18:15:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who tuned in and listened to "Oh, Yes They Did!" It was our first show back from break so we were super excited to be back at WECB. Here is playlist in case you missed it:

1. 10th Avenue Freeze-out - Bruce Springsteen
2. Apply Some Pressure - Mark Ronson ft. Paul Smith
3. Our House - Madness
4. 22 - Lily Allen
5. Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
6. Tell Me - Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
7. Papel Volando - Kinky
8. 1234 - Feist
9. Ringing Bells - Mando Diao
10. It's Only Love - The Beatles
11. Wild Billy's Circus Story - Bruce Springsteen

What a day! Our show is now on at 2:00pm on Tuesdays so we're still adjusting to our new 2 hour time slot, but we're still as sassy as ever. First order of business: the deception and inappropriateness of Nicholas Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. As many of you may already know, Candace has an extremely illegal crush on the youngest of the Jonas Brethren and it's something that causes her great trouble. Luckily (or not) other adult females are beginning to see the light and lust after this underaged performer. Valeria's finally understood the Jonas dilemma when she saw young Nicholas in DC at the children's inaugural concert. She seemed to have enjoyed Nick's choice of wardobe - as she says, red makes you "pop." The problem with Nick is not only his perfectly quaffed hair but his impeccable wardrobe featuring tons of MEN'S clothing! MEN'S! He is a child and should dress like a child. Does he? No! He dresses like a delicious man (who probably smells very good and has a swag like you've never seen) which makes grown women, like us at OYTD, feel uncomfortable because of how not uncomfortable it actually makes us. For instance, this past Sunday the Brothers Jonai attended the Grammy's which, of course, presented 2 very serious problems: 1) Nick's insanely well put together and masculine red carpet outfit and 2) A live performance that was somewhat suggestive, if you know what I mean. Although I felt somewhat better about my inappropriate crush when my adult friend sent me a text message claiming that "the one with the white guitar is pretty hot" and when my sister told me that being attracted to Nick Jonas was ok because he is blatantly masquerading as a man, I still felt a knot in the pit of my stomach for fear that Chris Hansen was going to show up at my house with Dateline cameras. However real that fear is, it won't stop be from seeing that 3D movie! Look but don't touch.

Second order of business: some crazy couple drama! Now I know Valeria and I like to throw around the phrase "domestic violence" a lot when talking about hot men, but Chris Brown took it a step too far. See, when we say "domestic violence" it's usually in the context of a photoshoot where our Swimmer loves are making angry faces on magazine covers or spreads and looking hot. So when we say "domestic violence face" what we're talking about is just looking a little angry, and a lot delicious, but what Chris Brown did is actual domestic violence. Reports have been coming out that Chris Brown allegedly assaulted a woman early Sunday morning which caused him to cancel his Grammy performance. Now reports are saying that the victim is Rihanna. Now I don't know what everyone else's take on this is but what I do know is that in the Silva household, you never hit a woman. Needless to say, I'm not big fan of Chris Brown at the moment. In general, it looks like Chris is going to be dancing his way to a courtroom pretty soon. We just hope that Rihanna's ok and we wish her the best.

Of course we'd be remiss not to discuss the infamous "situation" that Michael Fred has found himself in. First of all, let us make it clear that we still love Michael Fred as much as ever (freakishly long torso and all) because if we're anything (aside from sassy and snarky) we're loyal! Besides it's not like Mikey pulled an A-Rod and did something that messed with his athletic performance. He might have made a bad decision on this occasion but at least he's honest with it comes to athletics. Who doesn't seem to be very loyal, however, is Michael Phelps' former sponsor Kellogg's who decided not to renew his contract. We do not appreciate Kellogg's peacin' out on our boy so we announced our "General Mills Jubilee; "a public display of support for an alternative brand. We listed some of our favorite General Mills products (which included Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Golden Grahams and Lucky Charms just to name a few) and in looking at the list we realized that General Mills is a clearly superior company in terms of deliciousness and non-jerkiness - so they'll be getting our breakfast cereal dough from now on! No special K for us! Cheerios for Solidarity! Anyway, what we'd really like to know about this whole situation is who sold Mikey out - because they'll be getting a visit from me and some very scary men once I find out who it was. We might find out who it was soon enough because it looks like some sheriff down in South Carolina is trying to build a case against our boy - which only further proves my assumption that most people in the world are seriously bored. Clearly this man hasn't had a celebrity roll into his town in the last 20 or so years and now he has nothing better to do with his time except try and bring Mikey down. Just leave the boy alone and throw the real criminals into your paddy wagon.

It wouldn't be a real episode of OYTD without some Lochte Love. We recently found out that our boy has been signed to Ford Modeling agency. Now we've all known about his off-the-charts degree of deliciousness for a while but signing with a big shot agency like that might be just the thing he needs to show the rest of the world the Lochte light. Now even though the picture Ford used of Reezy on their site is questionable, we know the boy has some serious modeling skills (as we saw in GQ) so hopefully this means he'll score some sweet gigs. Heather said Reezy should go for something along the lines of Ralph Lauren Rugby and we here at OYTD have to agree. With his barrel chest, those shirts would be lookin' pretty fierce and let's face it, he'd pretty much look good in anything (as long as he doesn't have gel in his hair.) We're thinking that going the Ralph Lauren route is the way to go for several reasons: it's got that All-American image, it blends the sophisticated with the sporty and Ralph Lauren is the maker of the most delicious cologne ever - Polo Black. For those of you who don't know what Polo Black smells like, I can only describe it by saying that it smells like the most delicious man you could ever imagine - so clearly, Ryan would fit in pretty well there. I don't know what's in that stuff but I'm almost certain it has the same effect as fertility drugs - there should probably be a warning label on it just in case. Anyway, we're pretty sure that a legitimate organization such as Ford knows what their doing and will get Reezy some sweet jobs. Clearly, we're really excited about it and we can't wait to see the final product (or products if we're lucky.)

Needless to say, we are psyched to be back at WECB and we hope you guys keep tuning in for more. Check out some of the madness that is "Oh, Yes They Did!" in this little 'behind the scenes' mash up I made for our first day back:

In other news my roommate just turned 22! For those of you who don't know, my roommate is a BIG Ryan Lochte fan. Now I know that most of us around here all appreciate the glory that is Ryan Lochte so that doesn't seem like a huge deal but believe me, for her, it's a big deal. It was her birthday yesterday so I decided to get her a little something special to celebrate the occasion - a Ryan Lochte cake. I mean, what could make a cake more delicious and a little Lochte love?

Yum!

Stand By Your Man

2009-02-04T19:26:00.001-08:00

I think it can be inferred from the title what this blog is about and what I think about the whole situation. It seems we've heard just about every opinion from just about everyone - ranging from the people who now think Michael Phelps is somehow cooler because of all of this to the people who are just about ready to steam roll over their copies of Sports Illustrated. Since everyone seems to be having a go at it, I thought I'd add in my 2 cents to the giant pile of pennies.

Clearly this issue has “broken hearts and broken dreams” written all over it. No matter how you slice it, someone is going to be upset over it but I think some people have been pretty unfair in judging Phelps. Hey, I like to make fun of Phelps as much as the next person but I am a ride or die kind of chick and I'm sticking to my guns and standing by my man. I'll admit, when I first saw the picture I was upset. I mean, my Michael Fred doesn't do things like this. My Michael Fred is smarter than that. My Michael Fred does not disappoint! But once the steam that was coming out of my ears at the time finally disseminated, I realized that my Michael Fred doesn't exist anywhere except in my own brain. I created a version of him that I felt most comfortable with, a version that made me happy. Nobody could have ever lived up to the standard I had in my mind. It was only a matter of time before something, anything came along and shattered my image of him because it was too specific, too strict and far too unrealistic. We all do things, maybe even on a daily basis, that aren’t necessarily consistent with how other people see us, or even with how we see ourselves. This is life.

One thing I think we need to consider is that there is undoubtedly a difference between “Michael Phelps” and Michael Phelps. “Michael” is that guys in all the interviews, the guy in all the magazines, the guy who holds giant checks on "The Today Show, the same guy who releases those cringe-worthy quotations in Subway press releases. Hey, he might even be sitting comfortably in your cupboard on a box of breakfast cereal right now. That’s who we all know. But then there’s Michael – the 23 year old kid from Baltimore who, aside from being really good at swimming, probably deals with a lot of the same crap that the rest of us do. Sure, he’s got more money, more notoriety and more talent but I’ll bet that the thoughts that run through your head before you fall asleep at night run through his too. I’ll also bet that when he’s with his friends, he probably forgets about “Michael” and just wants to be normal – which results in what we’ve seen. Yes, I think it was irresponsible, and frankly quite stupid, but I can understand how it would happen.

Yes, he may have disappointed you but let us not forget that he gave you something, too. He did far more than provide prime time entertainment. He made us think that maybe we could actually get off our lazy butts and accomplish something – that it was actually possible to make something of ourselves. He made us think that excellence was achievable. What he didn’t do was claim to be a shining example of what a human being should be – we made him into that. Last night I was reading Euclides da Cunha's "The Amazon" for class and I came upon a quotation I thought was pretty poignant. When describing the Amazon he said "from time to time we idealize uncontrollably the tangible elements of a surprising reality." I think that's what we've done with Michael. He was a surprising reality; his talent was surprising and we idealized him because of it - perhaps rightfully so. But nobody (not even the Boss) can live up to this kind of imagined version of themselves. Nobody's perfect - Hannah Montana even has a song about it, so you know it's true. And if he were perfect, I'd probably hate him. Sure, being an Olympian and a role model comes with responsibilities (and he failed to meet them) but he’s held up his end of the deal thus far and we’ve loved him for it. He excelled at his sport and in the process made us believe that when it came to the Olympics, Team USA not only had the best athletes, but also had the most heart.

It was pretty hard not become a fan watching him but contrary to popular belief, being a fan is a pretty self serving practice. That's not to say that don't give as a fan, but you get a whole lot in return. I've been a fan of many things in my life and I know what it's like to feel like you give so much to something (whether it be a person, a band, etc.) and get so little in return. You devote your attention, your emotions and even some of your resources to this one thing. Sometimes you get so caught up in this devotion that you forget why you became a fan in the first place. Yes you might like a band's music, or an actor's movies but I mean the real reason you became a fan. It happened because, at some point in time, you got some sort of satisfaction witnessing what they did. In simple terms, they made you feel good. You waste hours upon hours researching them on the internet or reading books about them because these people give you something to strive for; they make you think that one day you can be as good as they are; or maybe they offer you an escape or a hope that you'll get out of whatever crappy town you live in. That's what Michael Phelps did for me.

Michael gave me something to hope for during the summer. Maybe it was only for a few days but they were the most exhilarating 8 days I'd experienced in a long time. No, it wasn't my dream to be the "greatest Olympic champion" but for those 8 races I could have sworn I wanted him to be more than he did! He gave me something to talk about, something to write about and the voice to write it in. Now, maybe that voice was there all along, dormant and waiting to be awoken, but talking about him helped me find it and I don't know that I would have found it otherwise. Writing has become something that I really love and as strange as it may seem, I feel that I should be grateful to him for helping me realize that. No, he wasn't standing over my shoulder telling me what to write or how to write it but Bruce Springsteen doesn't have to waltz through the door and play me an acoustic set in my bedroom for me to feel grateful for the album "Born to Run" on rough days either - but I digress. So many great things have happened because of Michael - I've made friends because of him, and I've experienced things I never thought I would because of him. I'm not going to write him off so quickly because of one mistake because if I did, it would be like saying I'd just as easily give any of those things up - my writing, my new friends, all those experiences. If anything, this situation makes his accomplishments seem more astonishing. He messed up! This must mean he's not an alien cyborg swimmer! He's a person just like the rest of us (gasp!) and he’s done do much. Unbelievable. I know the thing I loved about him was how normal he was - maybe this was just a little too normal for some people. But like I said, I was upset when I found out but it doesn't make me respect what he's done any less and it doesn't cheapen the experience that I had witnessing any of it. It was an absolute joy watching him and I still wish I could relive it.

I guess what I'm saying in all of this is that it's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be upset but I don't think that reevaluating your fandom is necessary. People can't always be exactly who you want them to be. I remember the first time my parents couldn't help me with my math homework - It was earth shattering! Everything I had believed up to that point was suddenly called into question because the people I had believed to be all-seeing and all-knowing simply weren’t – and I was disappointed. But I got over it. Sometimes people disappoint you, even the ones you thought never could, even the ones you sincerely hoped would not.

So before your decide to rip your Michael Fred bed sheets off of the futon in your Mother's basement I suggest: a) you move out of your Mother's basement and b) think about what being his fan has done for you because now is the time when being a fan can really do something for him. Besides, I hear loyalty and compassion are in style this season.

Fashion (Turn to the Left!)

2009-01-20T18:19:00.001-08:00

It has come to my attention that we have reached a crucial period in an ongoing crisis as the problem being faced is far worse than initially thought. OYTD has been following said crisis very closely for the past few months and I feel that the time has come for a very serious and carefully thought out intervention. We were already well aware that Sir Ryan Lochte, King of Jeahmaica, had an affinity for bedazzled Ed Hardy clothing, hair gel and often wears his shirts about 3 sizes too large (like he's playing dress-up in Papa Steve's closet.) And while this has always been somewhat troubling, it has become a downright cause for concern. Why now? Because none other than Michael Fred Phelps is anialating him in the fashion department! Obviously this is a serious issue. When Michael Phelps, a man who wears flipturn Speedos on a multitude of occasions, is dressing better than you, there is a serious issue. When the stylings of Michael. Fred. Phelps. exposed torso and all, become your fashion goal - there is a serious issue! When the ladies of the world even entertain the thought that Michael take you shopping so you can get your act together - there is a serious. issue. Now, no offense to Michael Fred (because I love him to death) but he hasn't always been known to rock the greatest of outfits - cue the horrible hoodie he wore to the Baltimore parade. Hey, you win some you lose some but I'm sure that knowing you're the greatest Olympic champion of all time is pretty good consolation for being emsembley challenged (I'm sure he's not losing any sleep over it you know what I mean?) But lately I've noticed that he has been unveiling some pretty good styles - well put together, no gaudy colors and above all else, all items are fitted. I'm not sure who is responsible for this sudden turn around (management, new lady love, stylist) but whoever you are, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because the boy is looking fierce.

I have to go back to the F word for a second - fitted. Now I can understand somewhat if maybe it's a bit more comfortable to wear clothes that are a little loose and give you some extra room to move around in but there is absolutely no need to wear a 2XL shirt a la Biggie Smalls when the body hiding underneath is ripped like a pair of jeans in the 80s. And we know that these men are not shy about their bodies – I swear, one time I saw a picture of Reezy wearing a Speedo so tiny and riding so low that I could tell what religion he was! And I know you see how they pull their suits down after a race! Don't tell me that's just because the LZR is "uncomfortable" on their shoulders. Even if it is, there is no logical reason why taking straps off your shoulders should lead to an exposure of cut-lines (and the subseqent sounding of NBC's high-alert alarm - just in case they need to cut to commercial or do some below-the-belt pixelation for the general television viewing audience.) I can't blame them, though. If I looked like that I would walk around in the least amount of clothing as possible - which I suggest they do! Or if they can't, at least wear clothes that are fitted! Remember that Michigan shirt Phelpsicle wore when he hosted SNL? Now that was tight - literally. They might have gone a little overboard with the sizing because it kind of looked like they bought it in the kiddie section but even so, it looked pretty damn good! Which is why I am very pleased with the fact that Michael seems to be embracing the fitted look. When he was in China (sellin' those Mazdas, makin’ that money) he was rockin' a very nice black suit that, unlike Reezy's 1992 Color Me Badd jam, was sleek and well fitted. Sigh...men just don't know the power of a good suit - but maybe that's good because if they did the world would be far more over populated than it already is, or perhaps less so because I think these boys and their overall deliciousness have caused a decrease in our collective uterine health. Anyway, back to the suit…of course, in true Olympic style the completely look couldn't be perfect. Unfortunately, it seemed as though Michael got his hair done at the Salon de Lochte because there were visible amounts of gel, but since this seems to be his only offense, I'm willing to let it slide.

Mike may have committed a few fashion crimes in his day but he appeats to be well versed in the poetry of the suit. Atrocious hoodies aside, he seems to have formal events down to somewhat of a science (maybe 3rd grade lab, but that still counts as a science.) Ryan is a fashion schizo! Remember that fierce suit he wore to that UN event where he was chillin with Jay Z? What the hell happened to that? That suit was delicious and he looked delicious in it. Just when I had enough time to digest the glory of it all.. poof... it was gone, never to return again. I know from my many viewings of the 90s classic "Clueless" that it is somewhat of a faux pas to wear the same outfit on more than one occasion but I'd rather have him rock that suit to every event than to wear some of the other monsters hanging in the Lochte closet back in Flo-Rida. I know, from the NBC produced piece of genius otherwise known as "The World According to Lochte," that Reezy likes to stand out, which might explain some of his fashion choices but I'd like to point out that you can still stand out without dressing like it's 1999. Be fashion forward, not backward.

In other non-fashion related news, our boy Reezy recently competed in the California Grand Prix where he won the 200 & 100 Back (clearly!) the 200 Free and the 100 breast (looks like all those breast exams he gives himself during shirtless interviews paid off!) He also did an interview where he revealed to our other favorite Olympian, Gold Medal Mel, that he gained nearly 30 lbs while taking time off after the Olympics. That’s my kind of man! Now when GMM asked where the extra weight came from, Reezy hesitated before saying “a lot of steaks,” which leads me to believe he meant to say "a lot of drinks." You see, Hesitation is defined as "the act of pausing due to indecision or uncertainty, in either speech or action" or in the dictionary of Candace, as "that little window of time you give yourself to think of something to say in place of the truth and/or to cover your ass." But hey, there is nothing wrong with letting loose after working hard – that’s why they invented Happy Hour! Only I guess this more like Happy Quarter Year. Whatever, they deserve it. If I have learned anything from observing these people (and I’d like to think I’ve learned quite a bit) it’s that they are disciplined, and discipline should be rewarded. You get a gold star in elementary school for doing your assignments so why not get a Red Stripe for all those swims? I have to say, though, that I was a bit surprised to hear that he gained so much weight because I'm still not exactly sure where he put it. I wish I could gain 30 lbs and still look that good. Well, I wish I could look that good to begin with – but that’s another story. I swear to god I eat one meal at McDonalds and I wake up the next morning with a cheeseburger-shaped protrusion on my thigh. Reezy is simply blessed with good looks, athletic ability, a fast metabolism and the innocence of a child. What more could a girl ask for? Oh yeah, the clothes thing. Well, we can help him with that. I hope.

By the way, the fabulous Eve aka Tiaragurl and I have joined forces and created our own Youtube Channel. Check out our videos and if you dig them, subscribe!

BRB Cancelling My Google Alert

2009-01-16T10:24:00.001-08:00

Now you all know by now that I have both a Michael Phelps and a Ryan Lochte Google alert - because I like to keep on the information and because... well why not? I don't remember the exact details of what went on when I was setting these bad boys up, but apparently when choosing the settings for my Lochte alert I chose to have a blog alert - which I guess in Google language means to sound the horns whenever someone utters the words "Ryan" or "Lochte," no regard for context whatsoever. Now lord knows I love this boy to death but I do not need to read every single time a 13 year old girl (who has recently discovered the wonders of the internet and her own hormones) feels compelled to write - and very poorly I might add - how "hot" or "cute" he is in a 3 sentence long blog which usually ends up trailing off into a discussion about what she had for dinner the night before. Google - this is not news. We know he's hot! Thank you for sharing. Ryan Lochte's attractiveness is essentially a commonly agreed upon fact of life so there is no need to inform me when someone decides to join the human race and recognize said fact. I suppose I shouldn't really complain because I know that some of my own blog posts have shown up in these alerts but I'd like to imagine (due to my own delusions of self importance) that in some peoples' minds I provide some sort of information beyond the general fangirling of the average "omigodiloveryanlochtesomuch!!" blog. Google, I know it's mostly robots and mathematical algorithms running this whole thing but I think we could use a little customer service a la living, breathing human beings who can be a little more selective when choosing what exactly is worthy is filling up my inbox.

The thing is, I know that there isn't a whole lot of information out there on our boy Reezy so this sort of thing is bound to happen, but this whole junk mail experience has just made me realize that people out there are writing some half assed blog entries! Aside from the few posts I've seen from the Daily Reezy that make it into my alerts, they're all pretty terrible. It's such a tease! I open my emails thinking that I'm going to get a legitimate piece of information only to find that it's some weird entry about how some Sophomore in High School living in god-knows-where USA just HATES her bio class but low and behold she's got a picture of Ryan Lochte hanging up in her hall locker - and that makes it all better. This is not of interest to me, google. Not even in the slightest. Not only do these entries disappoint me with their lack-of-Lochte but it makes me wonder what people think is really worthy of putting in a blog entry. Do you really need to blog about every time you go to Jamba Juice? Do you? Let's have some standards, people!

When I think about it, the Phelps alerts really aren't much better. If I get one more article from the Baltimore Sun I'm going to drive down to Maryland, head straight to their headquarters and throw a Molotov cocktail through the window. (To Baltimore Sun: I won't really do this. No legal action necessary.) I get it, he's from Baltimore - or "ball-di-more" if we're going by how the natives seem to pronounce it. He belonged to you before he made his debut on the world stage and proceeded to scoop up Gold Medals like they were on sale at K Mart. Long before he stole America's gigantic heart with his freakish swimmer body and boyish charm, he a was yours, but please proceed to peel yourself off of his chlorine saturated back and write about something else! I swear one day I'm going to get an alert courtesy of the Sun telling me about the fact that he switched his toothpaste. While I'm sure Mikey likes his toothpaste minty fresh like the majority of the US population, I just don't need to know about it. When I really think about it, though, I suppose it makes sense that they write about him so much. I mean, that's a hometown hero if I've ever heard of one. Plus considering the fact that Baltimore's other big claim to fame is the ridiculously high crime rate, I'd be beaming with pride over Phelps, too.

I think I just need to stick to ONTD_O for the latest news. I always get the info I need with lots of pretty pictures to go along with it - and let's face it, I just want the pictures. Setting up a Google alert is sort of like the equivalent of buying a playboy - we ain't readin' em for the articles! Though sometimes here and there I'll take a gander at some interesting news - unlike the readers of Playboy. Plus the great thing about ONTD_O is that when I go there I know I won't be seeing the exact same article 8 times like I do when I check my Google Alerts. I wish I could say it's the same article written in 8 different ways but unfortunately, I can't. Barely any words are rearranged, if any. I know all of you "legitimate news organizations" are taking those stories straight off of the Associated Press, don't lie! The AP is like the Wikipedia of the news world. You know how us college students often opt out of going to the library and go for a little search on Wiki against our better judgment? Well, some of these journalists get little lazy with their work, too and head straight for the Associated Press - because somebody's probably already written the story anyway. That's great for them but for us, it's simply mind numbing to have to read the same exact article over and over with the only difference being a new title slapped on it. Don't even ask me what went on when I had to get stories about Phelps signing with subway for my media class - don't even ask! While this may be the easy way out for journalists that are undoubtedly swamped with work that may be considered more "important" than what is going on with Mikey, it is simply not doing the job! How am I supposed to feed my incorrigible appetite for swimmer news if these people are slacking off?! Thank the heavens that Gold Medal Mel is out there fighting the good fight because without him, I just don't know what I'd do. Actually, I do know. I'd probably be hooked on "No Doze" at this point because the majority of the news regarding our boys is boring as HALE.

Hopefully PMK is on the case with getting Sir Ryan S. Lochte some gigs that are Google Alert worthy - and, considering the standards we've just discussed, I'm sure they will be (and will show up multiple times.) I need that Sazon in my life! And I'd like it to be provided by a legitimate organization as opposed to a bunch of teenagers blogging in their basements on the family computer. The shining glory of my entire life would be to one day recieve a Google alert that reads something like this: "Olympian Ryan Lochte Swears Off Hair Gel," but that might be asking for too much. Until then, I might have to cancel my alert because it provides nothing but aggravation and useless information - I'll leave it to the ladies on The Daily Reezy to keep me informed on the good stuff.

P.S. I had a little weekend in NJ and made a couple of videos. Check them out on my YouTube page for more .

Send Your Medical Bills to NBC

2009-01-13T07:44:00.001-08:00

It's been an interesting ride for me getting involved in this whole swimming thing. Well since this whole post-Olympics swimming phrenzy started (haha you see what I did there?) I've had a lot of fun talking to people, like me, who fit somewhere in the middle between fair weather fan and die hard gonna-rip-Michael-Fred's-goggles-off-his-head-because-I-just-heart-him-so-much enthusiasts. We all recently became interested in swimming (because the Olympic are the most triumphant thing on the planet) but we haven't fallen off the wagon 3 months into the year like half of the US television watching audience. As much as I love that I've been sucked into this blackhole of chlorinated glory, I often worry (just a tad) about the fandom that these boys have created. I would really like to go to a legitimate swimming competition (and by legitimate I mean one that isn't held at the 92nd street Y) because I'd get to look at speedo-clad swimmers, get some interesting material for blogs/videos and because honestly, I think it'd be a really cool experience. I have to admit, however, that sometimes I re-think actually making the trip because I know there will be some really intense (and by intense I mean straight up crazy) people there. I'm sure you've all run into some of these folks during your internet adventures so you must know what I mean. I say that they're crazy because they're not necessarily interested in watching the meet as much as they're interested in organizing a sting operation at the pool with the hopes of kidnapping a swimmer and taking them home. FYI, just because Cullen Jones lets you be his friend on Facebook does not mean he wants to hang out with you at a meet! And if you went up to him and proceeded to chat with him like you two are old chums when it's MFing game time, he might be polite (because he's chocolate love) but on the inside he might be afraid or even slightly angered by your sudden growth of cojones and complete lack of boundaries - and if this were a cartoon, there would be a Cullen-shaped hole in the wall where he made his grand escape.

I suppose it's not really the crazies' fault though, the Olympics simply breed insanity! I literally acted like a crazy person watching those races - I think I almost had a stroke watching the 4 x 100 relay! And as I've said many times before, I cried like I had just watched "Old Yeller" when Phelps won the 8th - you'd have thought I'd just won a gold medal when in actuality, I was at home watching NBC eating some a bowl of cheerios on a Saturday night. And it doesn't help that NBC produces the most triumphant montages in creation (except for the one that featured Peter Gabriel's "Your Eyes," I just couldn't take that one seriously) or that they air them directly following an epic win. And of course they bank on the fact that you'll be so emotionally invested and enthralled by the accomplishments of Olympians that they sell crazy amounts of memorabilia (which I refuse to buy out of principle but secretly burn with desire to own.) Like that Michael Fred DVD - they had that thing waiting in the wings until it was official that he had won all 8 golds - and I have to admit, I wanted it! I went back and forth about it for a while because you see, I know myself rather well and I wasn't sure if I would still love Michael Fred enough to actually watch this thing once it arrived after a long 30 day pre-order wait. I decided against it but low and behold a few weeks later I saw it being sold at a drug store and I once again felt urge - yes, I did want to own a piece of Olympic history! But I resisted. Well, it wasn't so much that I resisted as much as I heard my sister tell me not to buy it in a disapproving voice as she shook her head at me. But the point is that I wanted to buy it (on more than one occasion) and more importantly - they actually decided to make a Michael Fred DVD!

Even before the Olympics officially started, Speedo made those Jersey T shirts with the swimmers' last names on them - so that you would be dressed appropriately when being taken to the ER after going into cardiac arrest during the games. Now even though no one will ever look as cute in those Lochte jerseys as the actual Lochtes (who looked adorable in the shirts cheering for their boy) - I still wanted one! Again I resisted but the desire was still there and I know a lot of people who couldn't even get one because they sold out so quickly. All of this feeds to into the fanatical fervor and what is the end result? Swimfan. No, not swim fan but Swimfan (not to be confused with Swim Phan which is an entirely different problem unto itself.) Have you ever seen that movie? I don't remember it too clearly but what I do remember is that it's about a boy who swims and a crazy girl stalks him - eerily similar to the some of the folks I find myself running into these days. You see, there is a world of difference that lies in that tiny little space between those words - things like, normalcy, boundaries and sanity. You know, the things that separate us from the animals.

You see, that little space is where the rest of your life is contained while the obsession takes over. For those of us who are able to keep those two words separated, we successfully keep our outside lives in tact - even when checking the Daily Reezy well... daily and even after setting up several Google alerts. For me, my sister takes up the majority of that tiny space. She's the one who stops me from spending all my money on memorabilia that I will never wear and gets me out of the house and talking about other things - for this, I have to thank her. Unfortunately, my sister is only one person and she simply cannot save everyone. There are a few people out there who, unfortunately, do not have an older sister to pull them out of the Olympic abyss and as a result that tiny space begins to close in. Slowly, as those two words inch together... poof... the rest of their life is virtually gone and they're Swimfan - crazy girl in a bad movie stalking Jessie Bradford, or in this case, Michael Fred. To be honest, I wouldn't doubt that some people out there have probably switched to a Kelloggs-only diet just so that they could share their meals with Michael during the day - perhaps a few candlelit dinners for two featuring a nice bowl of Frosted Flakes and a Rice Crispy treat for dessert. Look, there's nothing wrong with getting a couple of Frosted Flakes boxes here and there because you like Michael Fred, but if you've neglected the other 4 food groups since September for the sole reason that Michael Fred doesn't officially endorse them... we have a problem. Of course, these are only extreme cases. I'd like to think that the majority of us still remain swim fans - space intact. And if any of you feel that space start to close, I'll be here to pull you back - and I trust you'll do the same for me.

Ladies Love Lochte... Among Others.

2009-01-05T09:41:00.001-08:00

So just a while back I posted an entry addressing my worry about new (and uninitiated) fans climbing aboard the Reezy train and proceeding to steal all the window seats - well it's already begun! A few days after those tasty GQ photos were released I noticed a bit more activity in my Lochte Google alerts than I'm normally used to (yes I have a Lochte Google alert, and a Phelps one, too.) No boring repetitive sports articles, no questionably juicy gossip like in my Phelps alerts - these were mostly links to blogs and websites that recently discovered the glory that is Lochte and had their salivary glands activated by the studly Floridian. Now the thing about this that I find most amusing was that majority of the blogs and sites featuring a blurb or two about the photoshoot and how delicious our Lochte was looking were either written by teenage girls or catering to gay men - and I don't mean gay in a derogatory way like in that Katy Perry song "You're So Gay" I mean gay like the actual modern definition of gay as in homosexual. I can't say I'm very surprised by this new development because Lochte is pretty much appealing to everyone with a functioning nervous system - men, women and even children (who would most likely identify with his child-like naivete and affinity for sweets.) But once I discovered the existence of this new male fandom I had to think about this for a second. I didn't care either way what sites he was on (because I love spreading the Gospel of Lochte and I think who or what people like is their business) but what I did care about was what kind of Lochte Lovers I wanted to share Reezy with - teenage girls, or gay men? Which group would potentially interfere less with and/or heighten the enjoyment of my Lochte loving experience through humorous pictorial and verbal exchanges?

I've given it some thought and as of right now, I'm going to go with gay men. I saw the Jonas Brothers at TRL once and let me tell you, one day of sitting with adrenaline and hormone fueled teenagers is enough - I thought security was going to have tear gas the place. You see, girls are extremely possessive about their heartthrobs (as evidence by my several lengthy blogs about Reezy) and this possessiveness manifests itself in crazy ways. As girls, we'll talk about our loves incessantly and yell at you if you dare disagree with the obvious truth that they're the most perfect specimen on earth - but if you jump on the band wagon that we've basically used physical force, a blind fold and a handkerchief soaked in chloroform to get you on, we're pissed because we saw them first. Perhaps men have a looser grip on their crushes. I don't know this for sure of course because I am, you might say, one of those possessive types but I'd like to think this is true. Whoever would be less likely to tackle Reezy on the deck at a swim meet - that's who I want to share him with. Obviously it's not up to me, but I'd like to see some more laid back people join in on the Lochte fun. It seems that up to this point the Reezy fans have been pretty chill. Sure they're intense in their love for Lochte - they know a lot of facts and have pretty comprehensive photo collections - but they're not bordering on mental instability like a few folks I've met who are a part of some of the other swimmer fandoms. Maybe it's because his last name doesn't allow for adorable frenetic misspellings - you know, like how those Phelps Phans change F words to P-H words? You can't really do much with an L... Although overuse of the word "jeah" is a little disconcerting at times, it's mostly harmless.

The more I think about it - I'm feelin' this whole gay thing. A gay dude might be more likely to agree with me about the fact that Reezy pairing a red and/or magenta shirt with a black pinstripe suit was really not the best move. A teenage girl on the other hand might have a hard time admitting any wrongdoing by her love. We're women! We often see past the flaws of those we love - which is good because lord knows men have a lot. I've shared many a crush with my best friend Chris and we've always had a grand old time chatting about them but the most beneficial part of said sharing is that he's always been very honest in what he thinks. If I showed him pictures of sir Lochte in some of those Ed Hardy outfits he would not be as forgiving as many of the ladies on the Daily Reezy - and I like that. I appreciate that he tells me how it is, even if I may disagree (while simultaneously pantomiming a breaking heart.) If we're going to remedy this worrisome fashion situation maybe what Reezy truly needs is more tough love - and that's something teenage girls really aren't capable of providing. Sure, they're catty as hale to each other but to their loves - they're good as gold. Take for instance, my 7th grade crush on Lance Bass. Back then I thought his frosted tips were great! Two-toned hair? It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I loved him - he could do no wrong. It didn't matter what other people said about his questionable sexuality because I knew the truth - he and I would eventually be married and have beautiful blonde Half Peruvian Jew half Mississipian babies. Maybe if I had an honest gay friend back then I would have realized that this fantasy of mine was impossible not only because I would probably never meet, let alone date him but also because he liked dudes (even though he did date Topanga for like 5 years.) If I had a gay friend to tell me this I would not have had my dreams shattered 6 years later when he came out on the cover of People magazine. I would not watch Lance on Dancing with the Stars (which he totally should have won, by the way) at 21 years old while eating my dinner as I reminisce about our love that was never meant to be. FYI Rumors are swirling and I think my dreams of a marriage to Anderson Cooper may also be crushed in the near future - but I digress.

What I'm trying to say is that perhaps only a man could provide the kind of honest, tough love that Lochte truly needs - because lord knows what we say isn't doing much. I often try and provide a voice of reason in a world full of Ed Hardy and bedazzling - but it doesn't seem to be enough. Now of course not all gay men are stylish but if we're talking about the gay men I see at Emerson - they are. And even if they're not, we just need some outside opinions on the situation. A homogeneous group is not conducive to change! Plus you don't actually have to be stylish yourself to know what looks good. I mean, you don't gotta be a chef to know what tastes good, right? Exactly. I say the Reezy train host a "Boys' Night" and get this whole thing started the right way.

In somewhat related news, I recently 'discovered' (meaning I just realized the existence of) a fun feature on Speedo's site for the LZR Racer - games! You can "train" and then compete in a series of different games that test your reaction time, memory, spatial awareness and other things that a lot more difficult than they sound. Want to kill some time and get completely frustrated at your own failure? Give it a try and at the LZR site. Maybe you'll be better at them than I am and NOT false start every single time you dive off the block! And don't forget to check out my YouTube page for some fun videos with me and Eve A.K.A. Tiaragurl - it's pure madness!

P.S. When I was looking for a clip from "Boy Meets World" I discovered that there are far too many fanvids of Cory and Topanga on YouTube. Yikes.

This Cannot Continue Into The New Year

2008-12-31T10:03:00.001-08:00

Something inside me has broken! Usually, I like to make funny 90s references here and there in the blogs because I find them amusing and because it seems that our swimmer loves are a bit stalled fashion-wise and have yet to enter the new millennium in terms of their clothing choices. Most recently, I've referenced the song Motown Philly by Boyz II Men when discussing Michael Fred's hat stylings and for some reason this sent me into some sort of video binge. You see, ever since I linked the video to the blog I've been scouring YouTube for more bad 80s/90s pop music to feed the addiction - and I just can't stop! Color Me Badd? Did it. Bel Biv Devoe? You bet. New Edition? Absolutely! I can't even count how many times I've listened to Popcorn Love in the past 4 days - and that's not good! And for those of you who are friends with me on facebook, you know the problems that Motown Philly itself has caused. I even watched that clip from Full House that featured Stephanie dancing to the song because, why the heck not? I've already listened to it about 50 times so why not add a little visual stimulation and fond memories to go along with it? Oh, by the way when watching this clip I realized that they actually used a fake version of the song. I'm guessing someone couldn't afford/get the rights to real song and had to pay some studio musicians to do their own version. Needless to say, it just wasn't the same. For some reason I'm imagining it was recorded in one of those booths that they have at Six Flags and other amusement parks with the blue screens in the background where you sing Karaoke and record your own music videos. Why people pay to get those things as a souvenir, I'll never know - but I digress. Getting back to my serious illness - someone has got to end it all. I need someone to come here, give me a stern talking to, maybe slap me around a little and force me to stop. I know that if my sister and I still shared a room like when we were kids, she'd give me one "Silva death stare" and the shame would instantly wash over me - that would be the end of it. Unfortunately she doesn't live here anymore and my own guilt just doesn't have that same sting, so the cycle goes on and on.

This kind of thing seems to happen once in a while. Not that I was ever a huge fan of Boyz II Men or New Edition but I'll go into these weird phases where I want to listen to lighter fare (like when I went through my Jonas Brothers phase over the summer... yikes.) In general, I listen to some pretty depressing music (courtesy of The Boss) and maybe this is my brain's way of taking a much needed break. It would make a lot of sense considering the fact that some of that man's songs can really bring you down. Have you ever heard the song The Promise? That song could really break a person! You see, 'The Promise' is basically Thunder Road part two, where you find out that things don't turn out so well and life is complete crap for the main character - which is especially sad if you're like me and you think that Thunder Road is a pretty hopeful song (sad, but still pretty hopeful.) Now of course not all of Springsteen's songs are sad but like my 10th grade English teacher and fellow Springsteen enthusiast told me, "you've got to have a certain melancholy personality to appreciate" the true genius of The Boss. He writes about life and the human condition and a lot of the time, those things can be pretty sad. Now, taking all this into consideration I guess it would make sense that once in a while I enjoy listening to musical fluff. I mean I was watching the video for Dancing in the Dark the other day which, compared to Popcorn Love, really isn't much better (even though the lyrics are actually kind of a downer) but I guess it just proves that even the Boss himself needs to get up and dance every once in a while.

I suppose these would be defined as guilty pleasure songs. But the thing is, I don't think one is supposed to feel such a substantial amount of actual guilt for enjoying them. Perhaps this is just the coping stage - I have yet to reach acceptance. I have a feeling, though, that eventual acceptance is inevitable because considering my Karaoke repertoire, I apparently have very little shame left. I mean, there are a lot of other songs that I enjoy which would technically be considered guilty pleasure songs because, in my mind I realize they other people think they're ridiculous, but in actuality I'm pretty proud of my love for them - songs like Your Love by The Outfield and the classic Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners (to which I successfully started a slow clap in a bar and declared the proudest moment of my life.) Those songs are funny and a bit dated but they're still amazing and I'll pay a dollar to put those puppies on in a bar any time because I know that all the drunkards around me love them just as much as I do - and there's always opportunity for a slow clap. I owe my love for the slow clap to my friend Annie (who showed me its greatness) and at this point, any song that enables or encourages a slow clap mid-song is ok by me. Of course, most of these songs are a little cheesy and were born during somewhat questionable eras but hey, they wouldn't be in the jukebox if I was the only one who wanted to hear them, right?

Oh this is just a side note but Bruce Springsteen always says the best things about music. As evidence by this quote:

"The best music, you can seek some shelter in it momentarily, but it's essentially there to provide you something to face the world with."

And that's why they call him The Boss, ladies and gentlemen.

Tips for a Successful Phelpsian '09

2008-12-28T09:01:00.001-08:00

As you may have heard, MP's agency Octagon isn't doing so good these days. Apparently a whole bunch of former clients are taking their cues from Lochte and peacin' the hell outta there. Basically, Octagon is about to change its name to Triangle right about now in light of how many clients they've lost in such a short period of time. Here's hoping that their cash cow Phelpsicle continues to deliver - which I'm sure he will. If they're betting on Mikey to keep making bank they might have to help him out in a few areas to ensure maximum marketing potential. For instance, when making appearances on talk shows he should really really try and make an effort to put on socks. I don't really know why this bothers me so much but the site of his naked, bare ankles burns a fire within my soul. Maybe it's the fact that I know he's rich as HALE - he could literally build a sock factory, fill it with workers and make himself some Michael Phelps brand socks to wear - so there is no excuse for him not to put them on his flipper sized feet. Maybe it angers me because the rest of his body is clothed and seeing that tiny patch of skin is just a tease - a reminder that I've seen far more of him and for longer periods of time. I think that he's so used to being submerged in water, wearing in a Speedo that he simply cannot stand the feeling of being confined in clothing. I mean I know those LZR racers are tight but they're also thin, they're nothing compared to wearing a shirt and a sweater - oh the horror! We know from many of his summer appearance that he has an apparent aversion to footwear. Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen someone hang out on the trading room floor of the New York stock exchange in a pair of flip flops before. Thankfully, this issue seems to have been resolved (for a minute there I thought we'd be seeing Phelps rock some JJ Casuals) but this lack-of-sock-wearing still lingers. Mikey, Hanes has some pretty comfortable socks and they're mad cheap so I suggest you stock up.

Second thing on the list is talk show etiquette. I realize that most talk shows provide guests with a comfy couch to sit on but this does not mean that you should come out and lounge while giving an interview. The couches are meant to look nice but you're not supposed to sprawl your lengthy 6'4" frame out across those Jennifer Convertibles, Michael Fred. They provide coffee tables too but you're not putting your feet up on them are you?! You might as well walk out in your PJs and drink yourself a soda during the interview. Have a snack. Maybe pop some popcorn, read a magazine. I know you've had to do an insane amount of interviews and you probably just want to curl up in bed and take a nap with Herman at this point but it just doesn't look good on TV.

Lastly, please stop wearing your baseball caps cocked to the side like you're the 5th member of Boyz II Men and starring in the video for "Motown Philly." Though I do happen to like this song and remember it fondly from that one episode of Full House where Stephanie was in a dance troupe and wore a sparkly cap, I think it's a little dated. At first I thought it was cute and kind of quirky that he wore his hat this way (because I was, as we all were, in the Honeymoon phase of my relationship with Phelpsicle) but I have to sort of agree with the haters (who are standing to the left at the moment) in that it does kind of make him look like a D-bag. Now before everyone tries to jump through their computer screens and bite my neck off like the Zombie things in "I Am Legend," I don't think he actually is a D-bag - there's just something about wearing your hat like you're in the opening credits of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air that rubs people the wrong way. It's very frat-boy-keg-party. Maybe it's not the hat position at all, maybe it's just the fact that he insists on wearing a hat indoors. I'm a bit old fashioned (thanks to my dad) and I just think people should take their hats off when they go inside. It's not like you need it! We've made some great strides in architecture over the last 2,000 years or so, so wearing a hat indoors just doesn't seem functional or necessary to me - thanks to thick walls and locking windows, you're protected from the elements. Although, I guess I have to take the context of this picture into consideration. When you're in Vegas playing cards with professional poker players you can pretty much wear anything you want and still look good because those guys all look like complete D-bags. Mikey probably looked like a boy scout next to them. Anyway, I won't rag on the low-riding jeans thing because that boy has torso for DAYS and it's probably hard to find shirts that are going to cover that thang properly. Plus sometimes he flashes a little hip - and I like that.

Moving onto a more serious topic...as you know, discussion the fashion dos and don't of our swimmer loves is one of our favorite pastimes here on OYTD. I was inspired by a recent conversation with Lochte-Lover, Heather, to discuss some issues that our boys seem to be having with their hair. Now as you all know, I am not a fan of Ryan's over-gelled style (because he is simply too delicious to be committing such a horrendous hair crime) but I think Michael Fred could use a little help in the hair department as well. You see, it's not the actual styling of his hair that's so bad as much as the texture of his hair. Like any other human being on the planet earth, I enjoy taking a dip in the pool during the warm summer months so I know the damage a little chlorine can do to someone's hair so it's no surprise to me that that boy's hair is looking mad rough as of late. Furreals y'all he is in dire need of a serious hot oil treatment. He's got that whole former-rock-star-from-an-80s-metal-hair-band thing going on- a whole lot of bleach and blowdrying will do that to a person. Hair suggestion for MP: Deep conditioner and a little VO5 hot oil. Taking some time to condition your hair never hurt nobody! Now that his hair is growing back, he could definitely use a little sheen. And there ain't nothing wrong with workin' a good head of hair. Just ask the Jonas Brothers! Joe has some thick shiny locks and he WORKS it, ok? I know you still have a little time before the training regimen gets intense so there is no reason why you should ignore those locks, Michael. You've already been working on the wardrobe (which is greatly appreciated) now we need to work above the neck. Maybe bring back a little bit of that facial hair - I was feelin the hell outta that!

Finally topic of discussion: social relations. Now we all know that the heart wants what the heart wants, but I'm thinking it's not your heart that wanted to date a skanky cocktail waitress from the Palms- it's something further South. I know that I am in no position to tell someone who to date but I also realize that I give advice on various topics that do not concern me so that pretty much gives me free rein! Just so you know, it makes you look a tad questionable when you're America's Golden Boy and you choose to date a girl with a gigantic back tattoo and who happens to have been featured on a website called Beverly Hills Pimps and Hoes (even though there is the slight chance she was doing something admirable like... paying for medical school with the money or something.) I know the boy is 23 and he wants to get his freak on, but there is a plethora of ladies out there who are more than willing to jump him and I'm sure many of them are just as freaky yet don't look nearly as skankalicious. Michael Fred, take advice from rap star Ludacris and get a girl who is a "lady in the street but a freak in the bed." It's the best of both worlds. She makes you look good in public and lets you get your freak on in private - you really can't go wrong. Take for instance, Ryan Lochte's alleged new lady love. She seems like a perfectly nice, lovely girl (I approve of this pairing!) but she could have a stripper pole in her bedroom for all we know! Hey, what happens in private is your business but what happens in public up for grabs (even if it really shouldn't be.)

Thanks to Heather for pointing out Mikey's Motown Philly hat stylings. We've been sharing some pretty terrible 90s music videos back and forth and the hilarity that has ensued is indescribable. Also, don't forget to check out my youtube page for "2 Live Jew," a little YouTube show I'm doing with my sister to pass the time on the long holiday break. My goal in life is to be like sxephil... but I'm failing to reach it.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T22:54:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas/Hanukkah/Thursday! I'm hoping that my sister got me some sweet presents because she's the only one in my family who has good taste - so I usually don't have to pretend to be excited when she gives me something. Either way, I'll be heading to the movies today - it's a Silva family tradition. Another Christmas tradition which I am not as fond of is eating Panettone (which I hate) and drinking hot chocolate. Now normally I'm a huge fan of hot chocolate but on Christmas my dad makes it, which means we're actually drinking hot milk - put more chocolate in there, man! Anyway, I thought I'd give you all a gift of sorts for being such loyal and wonderful followers of the blog. I made a very special video in honor of sir Ryan Lochte and what better day to premier it than on Christmas? Enjoy!

Haters to the Left!

2008-12-23T08:30:00.001-08:00

Very recently, a swim fan and internet enthusiast made a comment about how "annoying" it is that people (like myself) tend to focus on the looks of swimmers and other rather "unimportant" things rather than pay attention to their actual athletic abilities. Obviously this bothered me because the majority of the OYTD show and the blog revolve around these "trivial" topics (as well as hair stylings and fashion choices.) But that wasn't really the worst of it - what really bothered me was that the comment seemed to suggest that doing this was somehow detrimental to swimming and that they, by not doing this, were in some way better than all of us who happen to enjoy the visual stimuli that our swimmer loves provide. Now, I should preface this by saying that the following isn't directed at this person in particular (we've aired our grievances) but I feel that their comment brings up an important issue that needs to be addressed. It seems that there are a lot of folks out there that look down on our fandom (as evidence by the comment) and I feel the need to defend it.

Here's the thing: yes, I like looking at these boys in their Speedos. In fact, I love it. If I could do it all the live long day I most certainly would. I enjoy the fact that Ryan Lochte has xylophone abs and thighs that look like they were carved out of stone - what heterosexual woman wouldn't?! But what I think some people are failing to understand is that just because we enjoy how delicious these men look in their swimwear does not negate our ability to appreciate and understand how significant their accomplishments are. I can say Ryan Lochte is a tasty dish all I want but that doesn't mean I don't respect him as an athlete. His overall deliciousness is not why I watched Short Course Nationals on my computer on a Friday night when I could have been doing a variety of other things. Sure, the fact that he looked beautiful pulling himself out of the pool was a plus but I wanted to see him swim because I care about what he does and I was enthralled watching him do it. In fact, I watched the races he wasn't even competing in because I think what these people are able to do is incredible and I legitimately enjoy seeing it (even though it does make me feel incredibly unaccomplished and lazy.)

I think Cullen Jones is stylish as HALE but I also think that his place in swimming has an incredible social significance - I have nothing but the utmost respect for him and the work he's done with Make a Splash and his Diversity Tour. He's the second African American to win a gold medal in swimming and I think that that is absolutely amazing - more than that, it's important. Does the fact that I also think he's a good looking guy dilute that accomplishment in some way? Should I wear a visor a la Star Trek's Levar Burton when he's around so I don't notice his looks? Just so you know, for one of my classes (college classes, I might add) I actually chose Make a Splash as the organization I would use as a basis for a major project. I did quite a bit of research - none of which included talking about how attractive those involved in the program are (mostly because those involved are generally children and that would be creepy but also because I care about the program and what it does.) I asked that, as a present for Christmas, my family sponsor swim lessons through Make a Splash - and not because I think it'll get me Cullen Jones' phone number. That's how this whole thing works. We drool over them but once we regain brain function, we actually make an effort to support what they do. I donated to USA Swimming Foundation because I see how passionate those involved in the sport are and it's inspiring to me. I could have just as easily used that money to buy myself some extra copies of that hideously-photoshopped-night-terror-inducing SI issue with Michael Fred on the cover - but I didn't.

Don't even get me started on Michael Fred Phelps. You know that I take great pleasure in making fun of my man Phelps but that's only because I am constantly inundated with information about the guy so it's practically unavoidable. I make fun of his (non existent) acting skills because low and behold, he's acting! I didn't make him do it, I'm simply observing and commenting on the fact that he does. He's become a celebrity because people are legitimately interested in what this guy is up to - for better or worse. We all fangirl here and there but during the Olympics we were glued to our televisions because he made us believe in something bigger than ourselves - we were, in the most honest and true way, rooting for this guy to win. I literally sat in a bar in Asbury Park having a nice little summer weekend with my sister during Phelps' first race and asked the bartender to turn on the Olympics so I wouldn't miss it. Good thing I did because once it was on the only thing anyone in this place cared about was watching Phelps swim - on some really cheap TVs. In a bar. The place was filled with alcohol and New Jersey residents - which means any number of ridiculous drunken events could have occurred - but the only thing these people wanted to do was watch him win that race. They were screaming and banging on the counter when he swam the last few meters (I, personally, hid my face in my hands and snuck a peek every few seconds because I was too nervous to watch the race full on.) And that's how it went for the rest of the games. Sure, seeing him flex every muscle in his body after the epic win of the 4 x 100 relay was a nice little treat but that wasn't the motivation for watching - how were we supposed to know that NBC would replay that 2,000 times? I literally felt nauseous watching him swim every single race - I wanted him to win so badly that I actually felt physical unrest. I think being that emotionally invested in another person's success means something pretty significant. I was moved enough to declare that Mikey and I are now on a first-name basis. Actually, I call Michael, "Miguel" in private because I love him enough to give him a nick name in my Father's native tongue! Sure, I give him a hard time but I feel that it's just a little payback for the fact that he made me physically ill with nervousness for 8 days in August.

Basically it all comes down to this: the vast majority of us aren't swimmers so we can never understand this whole thing from that particular point of view but before you make judgments about people who are just being honest and admitting that they enjoy the view from the deck, don't assume that that's all they care about. It might be hard to believe but there's a tad more to us than that - just a tad. Also, don't try and BS me with your highfalutin attitude and tell me you don't notice the hotness in that pool 'cause I know you do! I know you see how low those boys be wearing their LZR Racers post-swim. You have eyes, a brain and a pair of ovaries so I know you do! Case closed.

On a side note, I recently added a program called "Apture" to the blog. It's a media linking program that basically allows me to embed linked media so that you don't have to actually click on links - just drag your mouse over the link and the media will pop up. It works for pictures, web pages and youtube videos. For instance, in the last blog where I mention the glorious blast from the past Color Me Badd, if you drag your mouse over the link the video for 'I Wanna Sex You Up' will pop up on the screen so you don't have to go to YouTube for it. Anything with a little camera, film strip or an open book icon preceding it is "Apture" enabled. It's pretty cool in my opinion. Let me know what you think of it.

This Situation is Serious!

2008-12-20T08:44:00.001-08:00

So ever since this delicious spread in GQ was released into the world, I have been thinking about Lochte non-stop (not that that's much of a change from my normal day to day activities but you know what I what I'm saying.) What I've been thinking about specifically is the fact that this spread signifies that our boy, Reezy, is on the brink, y'all! He is about to blow the H up and take over. Now of course I am ecstatic about this (because I love me some Reezy and I think he deserves whatever attention is coming his way) but I have to admit I am a little ambivalent about his rise to super stardom because of one thing - fakers! Y'all know what once this boy is all up in your magazines all the phony fans are going to come out and declare their love for our man while also maintaining the the false claim that they knew who he was back in August. Is that smoke I smell? Because your pants are obviously on fire right now from all the lies you're telling. I know for a FACT that you did not know who this tasty dish was during the Olympics because if we didn't know, then you definitely didn't. NBC pretty much had all the other athletes quarantined in Beijing so Phelps could get extra camera time - so I know you didn't know about the wonder that is Ryan Lochte. If the camera wasn't on Phelps, then someone was talking about him. If someone wasn't talking about him then there was pre-recorded bio about him being aired. And if Phelps wasn't actually swimming, you weren't watching - don't even lie to yourselves. Puh-lease babies, I know the truth. Phelps pretty much financed the Olympic Games this summer so I know you were not lookin' at anyone else on that deck.

I'm already hating on the fair weather Lochte fans because there is only so much Lochte to go around and, all things considered, they just do not deserve him! It is simply too easy to love a well-styled, GQ Reezy - no effort involved whatsoever. Sigh... I suppose it was only a matter of time before people started taking notice. But before he starts poppin' off for real, I have a message for all these future "fans" of the King. Were you there when his hair was weighed down and saturated with gel like a jheri-curled El Debarge? Were you there when he wore blindingly bedazzled clothing? Were you there when he, for some strange reason, decided to dress like a 1930s gangster to this year's Golden Goggle Awards? Or when he dressed like the lost member of Color Me Badd the year before? No, I don't believe y'all were! You decided to jump on the Reezy train after his clothes were well fitted and he broke off his long term relationship with extra hold gel. So you fakers out there need to take a step back and realize that even though our boy is now somewhat in the public eye, the citizens of Jeahmaica are still entitled to a little extra face time here and there. We looked past the bling and the bad hair products because we saw the glory that is Lochte before everyone else! We appreciated his love for Fun Dip, Skittles and Mountain Dew. We accepted his fierce man-crush on Lil Wayne. We even turned a blind eye to the Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier stylings. And I'll have you know I literally risked losing my 20/20 vision looking at his iced out bracelet! We were there through the tough times, okay?! That's real love.

You see, loving Lochte is a labor of love (wow, that's a lot of alliteration.) What I mean is that even though Reezy is overwhelmingly adorable and incredibly attractive he is, after all, Ryan Lochte - which means he provides some serious faceplam moments. Whether it be his linguistic slip-ups, fashion faux pas or hair don'ts, we've had to cut him some serious slack on more than a few occasions. Now that he's doing his modeling thang (looking styled and luscious as ever) and emerging like the true butterfly that he is, we honestly feel like proud mommas - but we have not forgotten that diamond encrusted skull necklace, that G-Unit T shirt or that grill he sported on the podium in Melbourne. We know that underneath this newly stylish and well coiffed exterior still lies the overly-gelled, fashionably-challenged boy we fell in love with. We also realize he's probably got a few terrors still hanging in his closet (a few Lil Wayne hoodies, perhaps?) and we accept this! We are the true fans! We love Lochte in his truest state: bling, bad vocabulary and bedazzler. If I've learned one thing from social psychology it's that love is something you have to work at. We have proven our loyalty to the man and this fashionable spread is our just and timely reward. Step back, bitches, he ain't yours just yet. You gotta earn it.

P.S. In case y'all didn't know, Lochte's charm is far reaching - the cougars are after him,too! Check out this interview with my mom, the resident cougar of OYTD, where she reviews his GQ photoshoot.

Oh, Yes They Did! Semester Finale

2008-12-17T19:49:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to the semester finale of "Oh, Yes They Did!" to commemorate this grand occasion the playlist was a US/Summer/Swimming theme. Here are the songs in case you missed them:

1. We are the Champions - Queen
2. R.O.C.K. in the USA - John Mellencamp
3. Celebrate Summer - T. Rex
4. August - Rilo Kiley
5. The Swimming Song - Loudon Wainwright III

We hate to start off the show on a low note but we simply had to address a particular issue that had been bothering us. Michael. Fred. Phelps. You need to text a bitch when you're going to be in Boston, ok? We do not appreciate when you roll up into the city where we currently attend College and we don't hear boo about it until you LEAVE. I think we've been loyal enough to you, sir, that you need to effing let us know when you're about to show up in our city. Granted, we have made a few jokes here and there but we've dedicated half of our shows and our blogs to you, so we would like a little respect please! I see how it is... you're a baller now. Is that it? You're too good for the little people over at Emerson? You're only hangin' with the peeps at BU?! FINE! We still have Lochte and that's all that matters. Getting to the details: apparently Phelpsicle was in Boston filming a commercial for Subway. Not only that, the commercial is slated to air during the Superbowl. Even though we love to make fun of the fact that Michael Fred is the newest spokesperson for the chain, it's pretty cool that he's going to be in a Superbowl commercial. That's a huge deal. Maybe I'm just a nerd but I pretty much only watch the Superbowl for the commercials and the Halftime show (and you know I'm all about the Halftime show this year because the Boss will be playing!) Now, this doesn't detract from the fact that we're are peeved that Phelps failed to alert us before arriving in Bean Town - a fantastic interviewing opportunity missed. Seriously y'all, we would ask the good questions - nothing about swimming, his ridiculous diet or girlfriends. But back to this commercial thing, if I were to create the perfect Superbowl-worthy commercial starring Michael Fred, it would involve Mikey swimming with a Subway sandwich dangling in front of his face. He's racing to get that sammich! Forget the will to succeed, boy just wants to eat!

Given the fact that we've been drooling over Lochte's new GQ pictures over the past few days, we simply could not believe we overlooked a very important detail - his hair! We completely ignored how deliciously un-gelled his hair was in this spread. I think it's because his hair is sort of like an electronic device - you don't really pay attention to it until something is terribly wrong and things aren't working. Also, we were probably distracted by how fierce he looked in these photos to really take in the details - the fitted clothes, the brooding stares, the shirtlessness - how much can woman take?! But now that we've had a few days to digest these photos we've realized that Mr. Lochte needs to hire whoever was responsible for the hairstyling in this shoot. All the elements are there: volume, curl definition, and most importantly, a complete LACK OF GEL! While in the past I have suggested Lochte seek out Nick Jonas' hair dresser, my roommate made a pretty great suggestion. While taking a gander at these photos she thought Lochte might benefit from a session with McDreamy's hairdresser. Even though that show is lost in a black hole of complete suck as of late, McDreamy's hair is as good as ever so nice choice!

We're really hoping that there aren't too many lines in Michael Fred's new Subway commercial. Thanks to Julie, I recently viewed "A Red, White and Blue Christmas" which is basically a video of the Bush family's dog Barney decorating the White House. While he's completing this miraculous task (I say miraculous because he has no opposable thumbs and is an effing dog) he runs into a few Olympians, one of them being a very enthusiastic Michael Fred - I don't mean "enthusiastic" in a good way but more as euphemism for his terrible/awkward/acting. Not that we expect much from the guy but if Cullen Jones can make a sweet Johnson and Johnson commercial, Mikey can talk to a dog and not sound gay (Valeria's friend made this "gay" comment, not us!) It also didn't help with he was accompanied by Mr. Garret Weber-Gale, which only reminded me that Mikey has been steppin' out on our boy Lochte - not cool! We know Lochte was at the White House too so what's the deal?! Did a lovers' quarrel prevent him from being featured in this horrendous video clip? Or maybe Lochte was actually smart enough to realize how effing ridiculous this cheese-tastic thing was and opted out. I'll hope for the latter.

On a more serious note, we want to thank everyone who has been listening to the show and reading the blog this past semester. We've had such a great time being a part of OYTD and it's really because of you guys. Valeria and I have done shows before and nothing has ever really developed from them so to have all of you guys interact with us and support the show means so much. So many wonderful things have come out of this (so much more than we ever expected) and I just wanted thank you all. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive but I've been a bit emotional the past few days thinking about the break. I've had such a great time working on the show and even though we will be coming back after the break, just the thought of not doing the show for such a long time made me really sad. Sending out an extra big thank you to Gold Medal Mel - you've been so generous with us and we're not exaggerating when we say we're really honored to know you listen to/read OYTD. A million thank yous to everyone! Love you guys! P.S. Don't forget you can now get our podcasts through iTunes, just click here

Side note: I have a little musical suggestion and a story for all of you. So during this past semester my friend and Campaign Planning group member, Jonathan, had been talking about this music project called "The Friendswemake" that he'd been working on for a while. He plays guitar and sings and all that good stuff - but so do 75% of the boys at Emerson so I didn't really think much of it. I'd taken a peek at some cool pictures he had floating around on his laptop (some of which included a very cute dog) that were going to be used on his MySpace and for promotional materials - they were pretty cool but the MySpace page wasn't up and running just yet so I really wasn't clued in to what his music actually sounded like. The page was finally finished today, thus I was granted linkage. Um... this kid is legit. I generally don't like songs the first time I hear them but this was so good I couldn't help but feel like a proud mama. I could not believe that all this time little Jonathan, the same boy who sat next to me during Media Relations eating Twix bars, was this good! For your own musical credibility you need to check this out and take a listen - you will not regret it. I guarantee this song will be stuck in your head - in a good way. And yes, it's ok to feel jealous that I know him and you don't.

P.S. the link to his music page is also in the sidebar so if you have MySpace you need to friend him up!

Oh Yes They Did! up in your Podcasts!

2008-12-16T17:32:00.001-08:00

Just a little update for everyone regarding the oft-requested OYTD Podcast. I have managed to find a server for the podcast, and have submitted it to the iTunes store.

This means that now, if you missed the shows - no need to fear because they can now be easily downloaded!

Here's what you need to know:

Oh Yes They Did! on WECB is the separate page that we have exclusively for our podcast. It's like our blog, but purely filled with the audio version of snark.

http://ohyestheydidwecb.mypodcast.com/rss.xml is the RSS feed to use to subscribe to our podcast through iTunes, until it is accepted by the iTunes store. All you need to do is open iTunes, select "Advanced" > "Subscribe to Podcast" and then just copy and paste the code!

If you experience any problems at all, please comment on this post to let me know so that I can fix the problem ASAP!

Happy Podcasting!

Oh, Yes They Did! 12/15/08

2008-12-15T19:04:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in tonight to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Starstruck - The Kinks
2. The Importance of Being Idle - Oasis
3. This Is Your Life - The Killers
4. Let My Love Open the Door - Pete Townsend
5. Womanizer - Lily Allen (Britney Spears cover)

Tonight was our 2nd to last show of the semester (tear) so we HAD to be bringin' all the good info - and it was a Lochte show! It was just a matter of time before we dedicated a full show to the man, the myth, and the legend that is Ryan Lochte. With all the new Reezy developments of late, we simply had to devote the entire hour to discussion.

As you know, Michael Phelps' new book just came out, and as you may also know, we refuse to read it. Just as I suspected, this book is pretty much written at a third grade reading level and printed in a size 24 font. I can't say I'm too surprised - when did he even have time to sit down and read a magazine let alone write an entire book? It's so bad we literally read an excerpt to elevator music - no lie. The one good thing to come from this book (aside from a slew of MP appearances) is that it reveals some Phlochte relationship details. Apparently Michael calls Lochte 'Doggy.' Um... you cannot convince me they are not in love. That is not even remotely masculine. Sure, you can call someone "Dog" in a friendly, manly way but once you add that extra "gy," you have crossed the friendship line and claimed them as your lover (or at least have entered a very complicated and torrid Bromance.) The book also mentions the fact that Lochte shaved MP's neck the night before the 400 IM. Oh hi "definition of love," is that you? Shaving someone's neck is MAD INITIMATE! First of all, letting someone near your neck at all requires a lot of trust considering all the nerves and blood vessels in that thing but letting someone near your neck with some sort of sharp object? That is LOVE. When you trust someone enough to let them near one of the most vulnerable parts of your body with a razor, you've got it bad. Can't say we blame him, I mean, you've seen Lochte right?! Though I know in actuality this whole shaving thing is really just normal protocol for swimmers, I'd like to think Mikey and Ryan decided to make a night of it- perhaps a bubble bath and some sort of sparkling beverage were involved. Hey, what happens in Beijing stays in Beijing. We know from his "Out of the Pool" house tour that Ryan has that two headed shower... freak!

BREAKING NEWS: Ryan S. Lochte is even hotter than we thought. I know it's hard to believe but this is SERIOUS. Some lovely people over at the Daily Reezy informed me that our boy Lochte was going to be featured in the new GQ magazine. This announcement resulted in me scrambling to try and find out whether or not I could either buy this magazine immediately or find these pictures online. Unfortunately, I could do neither. Luckily, but a few moments later someone found these delicious photos on the internet. Well, in actuality it's lucky for my eyes but unlucky for my reproductive system - I honestly think I'm incapable of housing a child in my uterus because of this man. I mean can you see this?! Do you see this?! Better question, can you handle seeing this?! Sometimes I don't think I can. Speaking of not being able to handle Lochte's Hotness... GMM posted a Reezy eye-candy video this weekend which prompted me to declare Lochte the male version of Wendy Peppercorn. Now for those of you who don't know, Wendy was the hot lifeguard in the 90s movie classic "The Sandlot" who literally drove a boy to an attempted drowning just so he could get close to her ("every summer there she is lotioning, oiling, oiling, lotioning. I CAN'T TAKE THIS NO MORE!") She drove the boys nuts! Lochte, in turn, drives the ladies nuts - literally. I don't think my brain functioned for a full three minutes following my first viewing of this video (notice how I said first) Wendy and Ryan both share this ability to drive people insane in common as well as a certain naivete - they simply do not know how hot they truly are. You see, Lochte is just living his life not realizing that everything he does is ridiculously sexy. For instance, note that the entire video is just Lochte doing things he would normally do and yet... I feel the stirrings. Boy is just trying to take off a swimcap and I'm having blackouts over here! And take for instance, this GQ picture. What is he doing in this picture besides drinking a soda? Nothing! Think about that. He is drinking a freakin' can of Mountain Dew and he looks like that doing it. Do you look like this when you drink soda? I know I don't. When I'm downing my Diet Coke and the bubbles go to my nose I'm pretty sure I look even less attractive than I do on a normal basis so this is seriously mind boggling to me. Some folks weren't feeling the late 70s/early 80s/Uppity Country Club/Homoerotic "theme" of the spread but we certainly were! The last photo shoot we saw of Reezy was definitely delicious but now that I've seen this, I think it lacked a little flavor (a little Adobo,perhaps?) I'm all for Ryan S. Lochte looking hot but this shoot has a story going on and I am feelin' it! Also, it doesn't hurt that he's wearing some sexy above-the-knee swim trunks and fitted clothing. Ladies of the world, can I get a collective GUH!?

Now, once we had a few minutes to collect ourselves after seeing these pictures we got excited for a different reason. Seeing Ryan get some legitimate attention post-Olympics is so exciting! We love Michael Fred but it's time for him to share the spotlight with our boy Reezy. He is on the brink! We'll have to take this time to enjoy him before the blows he H up and all the fakers come out of the woodwork and pretend they knew who he was back in the day when they really didn't. Soak it in ladies because right now he's still ours (and we haven't reached that bitter stage where we have to argue with the phonies who pretended they discovered him.) Even though we're pretty sure that sometime in the near future we'll experience a few fits of rage (a la jealous girlfriend) we're so excited to see what developes with Ryan and this new PMK partnership. Hopefully being a super star won't taint Ryan's lovable and very sincere personality. I mean he'll still be super hot (look at him!) but being super hot and nice is way better. It's the Lochte way!

For any of you who didn't listen to the show you may have missed Valeria and I coming back on-air in the middle of our last song frantically screaming into the microphones. You see, Valeria discovered that Ryan Lochte has brown nipples which confirms one thing - boy is Latin! Shakira says hips don't lie, but we say nips don't lie. And they don't.

Listen to the show here

Have I mentioned my love for Cullen Jones?

2008-12-11T00:41:00.001-08:00

News Flash: If you didn't already know, I love Cullen Jones. I cannot say enough about this guy. We love quite a few swimmers here at OYTD but Cullen has been camping out and buying rental properties in my heart for the past few months. Ever since Beijing he's been winning us over with his charm, style, good looks and admirable efforts (have you seen those pictures of him teaching those kids to swim?!) And now, thanks to a very special occurrence, I love him even more!

Now, I have to preface this by telling you all that I have been working on this MASSIVE final project for a while and it has been the bain of my existence. We finally finished this monster so one of my group partners (love you, Karen!) and I went to go print it out - this whole thing was over 40 pages, mind you. By some strange twist of fate we ended up staying at Kinkos for four hours -I suppose my remarks about Carlisle might have angered the Gods and they felt appropriate punishment for my offense would be to banish me to the land of paper and faxes. Though we had somewhat of a "good time" -bonding with the employees and another final-project-printing student while listening to music off of his laptop - it was otherwise a very high stress situation.

I suppose the Gods felt that I had paid my dues because once I returned home I was granted with a wonderful gift via youtube. Now, as you all know, the wonders of Gold Medal Mel never cease to amaze - and this evening/morning was no exception. Just check it out:

I've said it multiple times and I will say it again: SO MUCH LOVE FOR GMM! SO MUCH LOVE FOR CULLEN JONES! Just.. so much love. (Not so much love for JPEG files that don't format correctly and result in a 4 hour stay at Kinkos, though)

P.S. Sorry if the last few entries have been a bit skimpy or not up to par with your OYTD expectations. It's finals week y'all! I've made time to write the entries but I've been a bit distracted so I apologize for that. The semester ends in less than a week and once it does, I'll be back in full force!

Also, Valeria is working on making us a legit podcast using Garage band but for now you can listen to the most recent show here

Oh, Yes They Did! 12/10/08

2008-12-10T17:25:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Everyone who listened in tonight to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen
2. A Town Called Malice - The Jam
3. Planet Earth - Duran Duran
4. Neon Tiger - The Killers
5. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

What better way to spend a wednesday evening than taking into microphones over at WECB? Even more fun when you're talking about swimmers. Luckily for us, there's been lots going on lately. First up: our favorite 200 fly Gold Medalist. As on most of our shows, we gushed about how awesome Gold Medal Mel truly is. Not only does he provide us with more Reezy videos than any woman could want, he also gives us the inside scoop on our various swimmer loves. To add to his ever growing epicness, Facebook informed me that GMM has officially been granted his Jeahmaican citizenship! Not only that, he has been named Prime Minister of the sovereign nation. I have to say the title is well deserved - he's provided more Lochte videos than NBC ever did and he gives the King his well earned props. We have to say this is particarly exciting because it further proves that the Reezy tide is turning and good things are on the horizon for our boy. All hail the King!

Can we love Cullen Jones any more than we already do?! I didn't think it was possible but the space he occupies in my heart just grew a little bigger. You see, the fabulous Gold Medal Mel granted us with another glorious video gift - starring Cullen Jones. Now usually GMM's video shift toward the humorous side but this one took a more serious tone. Cullen explains the meaning behind his tattoo and why he always writes the number "41" when he signs his name. The video and Cullen's explanation are really beautiful. The whole thing just makes us respect him even more for who he is and what he does. It's refreshing to see someone being open about something so personal - so thank you to Cullen and Mel for sharing it with us. Warning: you might get a little teary so if you're PMSing proceed with caution - it might just be too much for you to take:

P.S. As some of you might know I'm writing a media plan for Make A Splash for one of my classes right now, so I've had to do a bit of research. Now that I've learned about the program and Cullen's involvement I could gush about him and the program forever (seriously, did you see those commercials during Short Course Nationals?!) Learn more about Make a Splash and the work Cullen does here, I think you'll be gushing pretty soon too.

So Phelpsicle was on the Today Show yesterday morning and, while I'm sure the interview was chock full of interesting facts, I found myself unable to concentrate on his words because I felt compelled to jump through the screen and attack his head with a comb. Seriously Mike, I know it's early but you're on national television (and Mama Phelps can see you) so this is just unacceptable. I must say, though, his outfit was VERY cute! Phelps rocked a preppy look - Navy blue sweater accented with a few white stripes and a salmon pink button down collar peaking out from underneath. Now that it's just about freezing cold in New York you can bet he was also wearing shoes (phew!) so the look was complete. I have to say, I was very impressed with his choice of wardrobe. It's definitely a step up from his button-down-under-a-hoodie look he rocked at his Subway signing photo-op. Even though some folks were raggin on his choice of clothing, I'm going to give it the thumbs up. It wasn't perfect but, considering some of the former faux pas we've seen from him (and the selection of bedazzled garments hiding in Reezy's closet) this is high fashion. The only thing about the interview that wasn't so great was... well, the interview itself. This, of course, was to no fault of Phelps because good lord, how many times has be been forced to talk about the SAME things in the past few months? We've decided that Phelpsicle needs to do an interview with the ladies of OYTD because we'll ask fun (and non offensive) questions about soda preferences and recreational activities. One thing that was quite endearing, though, was that Mikey seemed genuinely excited about the fact that a swimmer (a swimmer in general not just "Michael Phelps") was being recognized by the American public and accepted with such open arms. It's nice to see that even though he's blowin' up like WHOA, he hasn't forgotten why he's doing all of this. See, he's still a good boy at the end of the day. Loves ya, Mike!

We couldn't help but discuss this book a tad bit more (while playing the theme song to Reading Rainbow.) Now, we've already determined that he didn't technically write this book and we're frankly kind of glad. You see, I read an excerpt of the book and even though it's written in the first person I know he isn't actually the one speaking because even though he's basically more awesome than 99% of the population, he doesn't talk about himself like he's the man - which is what this book would lead me to believe. Maybe I have to read the whole thing (which I won't) but the tone of it seems more pretentious than triumphant - if you get what I mean. But like I said, I don't think he'd actually talk about himself like this because if he's anything (aside from being a good swimmer and generally ensemble-ly challenged) he's modest. I hope a few years down the road he writes a book (that he actually writes) that touches upon some deeper stuff - like how he dealt with being one of the most famous people in America and what it felt like having his skin photoshopped off of his face on the cover of Sports Illustrated - things like that.

I want to address Monday's show/blog upset. Apparently some "disparaging" remarks I made about Peter Carlisle didn't go over too well with some people. Here's the thing, I'm a college student ok? Nothing I say actually matters in the grand scheme of things. I put my opinion out there as a fan; someone who is interested in these peoples' careers and as someone who is interested in marketing. I direct my comments at Peter Carlisle because, for one, I find it humorous and because I think he's done a poor job of choosing companies (post-Olympics) that properly reflect the kind of image that would be beneficial for MP and that would resonate with his audience. I do realize, however, that a huge issue lies with the companies themselves and the creatives that are developed. When I aired my grievances about the commercials, that was directed at the actual companies, not at Carlisle. The issues MP has now are a result of mismanaging from his agent as well as the companies he's working with. I also realize that Carlisle isn't some random dude off the street - there's a reason why he's in the position he's in and managing the people he's managing. But I also think in this case he might be in a little over his head and could benefit from an outside consultant. Sometimes when you're too close to a situation, you can't see all the facets. That said, I obviously don't know the entire situation, I just comment on what I see. Perhaps I didn't properly distinguish who/what were the targets of my anger but for any of you who are wondering, yes I am an adult (so you don't need to speak to me like a child) and yes, I realize that all these problems are not caused by one person. I also want to remind everyone that these remarks come from a good place - I'm a fan and I truly want him to succeed now that's he has the attention of an entire country. I've come to learn that Phelps' fans can be intense and incredibly devoted so maybe I hit a nerve when I said I didn't understand these new endorsements but I'm not making fun of him - I just don't understand the pairings. Also, about 90% of this blog is me making fun of Phelps so I can't say I completely understand the sudden upset. Either way, sorry if anyone was offended but I think you need to take the tone of this blog and the fact that I'm a fan (believe it or not) into consideration before you get too riled up.

Shout out to our girl, Eve, who met Mr. Phelps at Barnes and Noble while he was signing copies of the book he "wrote."

Oh, Yes They Did! 12/8/08

2008-12-08T17:26:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
2. Martha My Dear - The Beatles
3. We Will Rock You - Queen
4. All The Young Dudes - Matt the Hoople
5. Sally Simpson -The Who

Another great start to the week for the ladies of OYTD. This was a big weekend for our swimmer boys so we had a lot to talk about. First thing's first: actual swimming competitions! Short Course Nationals were this weekend and luckily for us, all events were streamed live on SwimNetwork.com. Now I think someone up there likes me because I have been completely swamped with work and being able to watch my boy Lochte swim actually made my horrible weekend a little bit better. I think it also reminded a lot of us that our newly formed crushes actually do something other than look cute in tiny bits of clothing - they swim, and they swim fast! I have to say, as fierce as Lochte is outside of the water, is he is seriously ferosh in the water. I fully enjoyed watching him win the 200 Free, 100 back, 200 back and the 200 IM (even if it did fill me with that excited/terrible feeling of nausea I had during the full 2 weeks of the Olympics.) Now even though our boy didn't win the 50 Free (come on, he needed a break!) I have to say I was quite pleased that none other than Matt Grevers came in first place. Now as many of you know, Valeria and I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Grevers at GMM's birthday party a few weeks ago and since then he's held a very special place in our hearts. Aside from being a great swimmer, he's an all around great guy. I secretly want to be his best friend but we'll just keep that between us. One a side note, Lochte's supposedly gained 15 lbs since the Olympics and all I have to say about that is: it looks good on ya! The only thing I didn't enjoy about Short Course Nationals was that tiny reporter lady who was standing a little too close for comfort to our boy Reezy. Also, could she not give the man a second to breathe?! He literally crawled out of the pool and had a microphone in his face. Good lord.

We had a very special call-in. That's right folks, my Mother, the self-proclaimed Cougar of OYTD called in to talk about Mr. Ryan Lochte (for those of you who tuned in, you may have noticed the incessant giggling on the other line.) Last night (after a long process of explaining e-mail) I sent my mother the latest and greatest Lochte videos courtesy of GMM and I think she fell in love. Even though she described Lochte as a man-boy (a term she obviously picked up from me) she seems to find him more endearing than ever, perhaps even preferring him over her former favorite Jason Lezak. She seemed to feel guilty, however, about the fact that liking Ryan makes her even more Cougarific than having a crush on Lezak. Don't worry mom, as long as you don't go after my boy Nick Jonas, it's all good.

So Michael Phelps came out with a new book and as I suspected, it kind of sucks. The Baltimore Sun came out with a review that was less than enthusiastic and considering the fact that the Sun has basically been having a love affair with him for years, that's not good. The title of the book itself is laughable "No Limits: The Will to Succeed." Excuse me? Is this a book or a bad Bruce Willis action movie? But let's face it, you know Mikey didn't actually write this book, it was obviously written by a Ghostwriter (haha remember that show?) Call me crazy but I really doubt Michael Phelps' actual writing capabilities - he's not the most eloquent of people and I don't think literature is one of his top interests at the moment. "But Candace, didn't he go to the University of Michigan?" you might ask. Well, technically yes, but I think he took about three classes there and one of them was Gym so I don't think he's capable of writing an entire book by himself. The Sun said the book doesn't address the issues of fame - I'm sure this was done purposefully because nobody likes an ungrateful bastard! But seriously, I'm pretty sure they glossed over a lot of stuff because they want him to appear like the Golden Boy he is rather than someone who puts his hand in Paparazzi camera lenses when he's drunk and doesn't want his picture taken. That said, I can't say I'm surprised the book didn't get a good review - I was never interested in reading it and I'm pretty sure it's not revealing any earthshattering information. One thing I did find interesting, though, was that Mikey tells us he broke his hand in 2005 punching a wall. Maybe it's just my affinity for domestic violence but I find that incredibly sexy. But again, that's just me.

Now to big news of the night. Reezy has signed with the HUGE Public Relations firm PMK. Now I think he missed a golden opportunity of signing with ME but... it's a good step. Basically I think this is the best decision he could have made. That joker Peter Carlisle has proven to us that he basically doesn't know what the hell he's doing so it's a good thing Reezy has decided to put his career in more capable hands (note the angry video I recorded in the sidebar - I do not approve of Peter Carlisle's decision making skills.) I think Reezy's got huge potential and hopefully the folks over at PMK can make some good things happen for him. A few things to consider (and what Carlisle has seriously ignored with Mikey): whatever you do, do not try and create some sort of contrived image for our boy Lochte. The thing people love about this guy is how sincere and earnest he is - even to a fault. He wears his heart on his bedazzled sleeve and that's why people like him. Sure he's good looking (very good looking) but he's got a great personality. His personality is key - sure he's hotter than 90% of the male population but it's the way he acts and presents himself that makes him non-threatening; guys can feel ok about actually liking this guy. This is exactly why I think he should stay away from doing modeling that's too Right Said Fred "I'm a Mawwdl" because sure, it's appealing to women but it could ruin the potential of getting male fans - and If he wants to create a (horrendously tacky) clothing line, he'll have to get guys on his side, too. Even though I completely understand that everyone wants to see him doing underwear ads (cause who wouldn't want to see that?!) those aren't going to get you on guys' good side. Sure they're for male products for they're appealing to the women who will buy them for men - kind of a different thing. Obviously PMK is a huge deal and they know what they're doing, I just hope they know what they've got in a client like Lochte. He's a unique specimen and should be treated as such.

We spent quite a bit of time assessing MP's career but I'll try and sum it up as best I can. Basically I think the biggest issue is that they're making him into a celebrity as opposed to a person who just happens to be famous. You see, the thing people like about Phelps is that he's an ordinary person who does extraordinary things. He's better than you but he doesn't act like he's better than you (kind of like Bruce Springsteen) and that's why people can relate to him. Once they start feeding him these terrible lines and talking points it takes away all of his relatable qualities - he's better than you and now he sounds like it. The smartest thing any of these companies can do is just let him be himself. For instance, this LAME AT&T commercial came out a while ago that sounded so fake and so... not Michael. It looked like Michael... sounded kind of like him but it definitely wasn't the Michael Phelps I knew. If they just sat him in a room and asked him a series of questions about his phone and his habits they would have gotten everything they needed for a commercial and it would have come as being natural and genuine - because his answers would be real. That would show the Michael Phelps that people cared enough to watch on TV for 2 weeks. Take notes, Carlisle! Basically PMK and Carlisle need to call me up before making any major decisions. I have big plans for these guys and I know what I'm talking about. Did you hear those cell phone commercials I came up with?! Don't tell me those wouldn't work. Don't even tell me!

P.S. Why isn't anyone jumping on getting a deal with Chocolate Love? He's more stylish and more eloquent than both these guys. Plus, his role in the swimming world has an important social context. Just saying...

On a side note, Phelps' lady love was interviewed by... someone but she only agreed to do the interview as long as no questions about Phelps were asked. To this I say: LOL. Why else would we want to talk to you?

Thanks to hoipolloi for reminding me about Lochte's 200 back victory. How silly of me to forget. And to all the haters (please stand to the left,) I'm just stating my personal opinion on Phelps' career. I rag on Carlisle because I think it's funny - and I'm not the only one who thinks he's making questionable decisions. But also I realize he's not the only problem. In general I think the companies working with Phelps aren't doing what they need to be doing in working with his image and appealing to his audience properly - and that's also a huge issue. Perhaps if I were more eloquent I would have made this more clear. You can go back to hating now. Also, I know that this new book was co-authored by some Abraham dude but I just really wanted to reference the show "Ghostwriter" so I just slipped it in there.

Oh, Yes They Did! 12/3/08

2008-12-03T19:32:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in tonight to "Oh, Yes They Did!" Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. Radiohead - Talking Heads
2. Hungry Heart - Bruce Springsteen
3. I Love to Boogie - T. Rex
4. Golden Years - David Bowie (dedicated to Michael Fred)
5. Ooh La La - The Faces

Chocolate Love finally got a gig y'all! And it's about time! That's right, Cullen Jones is going to be a judge at the Miss America Pageant. Apparently, he's going to be the "fitness" judge, which I guess means he's just going to be checking out women in swim suits the whole night and judging how hot they are. Kind of ironic considering all we do around here is look at men in swim suits. Even though he probably won't be wearing a Speedo, I'm sure he'll be looking fine (as usual) in a nice suit - who doesn't love to see a little Chocolate Love in a suit? On a side note, it's nice to know that in between teaching those babies to swim, he's having a little fun - plus I think we could all use a little Chocolate Love on our television sets these days.

First order of business - Phelps news. Mikey was named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated. He's actually the first Swimmer in the magazine's history to be honored with the title so it's a pretty great accomplishment which leads me to wonder why they decided to punish him (and us) with with a HIDEOUS cover. Now I know my boy isn't the most photogenic of men on the planet, but I also know his skin isn't melting off of his face - which is what this photograph would lead me to believe. This looks like the product of some terrible SI intern photoshop accident that somehow got past the higher ups and into printing. The thing is, there are several websites with behind-the-scenes footage from the shoot and he is looking seriously cute, so there is no excuse for this terrible cover. Honestly guys, he was looking mighty fine in all the footage I saw so I don't know what the deal is with this cover. Perhaps Mikey crossed the wrong lady at the mag? Hell hath no fury like a woman who is super pissed at you and wants to cause public embarrassment. On a lighter note, the article in the issue is AMAZING! I couldn't even finish it in one sitting because I teared up so many times. There was drama! Triumph! Loss... the makings for an incredible made-for-tv movie. The thing is, an article like this reminds me of just how much I really do admire Michael Fred. As much as I enjoy making fun of the guy (cause you know I do,) it really does come from a place of sincere admiration and love (and I mean that in the least creepy way possible.) If I didn't like him, I wouldn't have a Michael Phelps Google alert! I rant about his questionable endorsements because I truly want him to have a successful career outside of the pool and hate seeing these questionable decisions being made. Haters to the left ok?! I cried when he won his 8th gold, people! CRIED. For a long time. Probably too long... but I just wanted him to win so badly. Even though there was nothing I could do to influence the outcome of any of the races, I think that in the back of my mind I really felt that if I just hoped hard enough and held my breathe just for that extra second, the Pool Gods would answer my call. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that this article was in-cred-i-ble. I think it reminded me why I (and about 90% of the United States) basically had a summer romance with this guy. I mean his dedication to his sport alone is something to admire. You've got to respect a guy that follows through and finishes what he starts - seriously, the only thing I've ever had enough dedication to finished in my life is a sandwich. Amazing athletic feats aside, he's also incredibly endearing - bursting an ovary or two from time to time. So what if he dates a few skanks? He deserves to have some fun. The way I feel right now, he can do no wrong (except for that Subway thing. Seriously Mike, gimme a call.) Peter Carlisle should kiss the feet of whoever wrote that article - that is the epitome of damage control.

Alright something fishy is going on! I think Phelps and Reezy caught wind of our show because they've been doing some things lately that are making it pretty difficult for me to make fun of them. Lochte's new photo shoot? Ugh, my ovaries! Phelps' SI article? Oh, my heart! Seriously guys, we need you to do stupid things so that we have material for our show. Luckily, Lochte taking a few gorgeous photos doesn't automatically increase his vocabulary so he's still providing us with some pretty great sound bites. And to be honest, I'm thanking my lucky stars for that photoshop-happy intern over at SI for making that horrendous cover. I could make fun of that for DAYS! I mean really... I can't get that image out of my mind. I'm also thankful for Mikey's agent, Peter Carlisle, because he allowed Michael Fred to ink a deal with Subway. Even though I'm trying to get the marketing gears moving in my mind and figure out how this partnership could be positive (I've come up with a couple of things) it still doesn't seem like the greatest move... and it's all I've got for now so... I'm going to make fun of it! Lastly, I am increasingly thankful for Ms. Caroline "Caz" Pal because her association with Phelps is simply ridiculous. I mean it's become pretty obvious to the general public that Phelps is going to claim being single until actual wedding photos are released, but I can see why he'd deny being paired up with this chick. She is all kinds of wrong. At least we know she can appreciate fine art - as evidence from her gigantic back tattoo.

We're starting to think that Reezy has some serious emotional issues. After teasing him about his terrible wardrobe and excessive use of hair gel we began to wonder... does he realize just how attractive he is? Perhaps he has low self esteem issues because of a life long struggle with middle-child syndrome. Or maybe he's developed a complex because his agent, Peter Carlisle, is constantly overlooking his marketing potential and choosing to focus on his former lover, Michael Phelps. Whatever the case may be, this madness has got to stop! Ryan, don't punish yourself by wearing G-Unit shirts and smothering your precious curls in hair gel. While we find it very endearing that he's not completely full of himself and walking around like he's God's gift to women (though he might actually be) he needs to realize his full potential. We took some time to try and find a possible style icon for our boy, someone who could show him the light; we came up with several: Common, Kanye West, Pharrell and a pre-London, post-Rashida Jones Mark Ronson. They all had the perfect blend of sophistication and that hip hop flava we know Reezy loves so much. After reviewing the style of these delicious and very fashionable men we have decided that we need to organize "The Ryan Lochte Fashion Symposium." Guest speakers should include all of the above mentioned men and the keynote speaker, of course, should be Mark Ronson. The conference will discuss the atrosities committed by Ryan Lochte and his wardrobe while offering some hope for the future. Our featured speakers will present their cases as to why, in order to remedy the situation, Reezy will need to take all future fashion cues from them. Key topics to be covered: why Ryan's barrel chestedness forbids vest-wearing (unless with a suit,) why a fitted shirt is a better shirt and why hair gel never was, and will never be ok. We hope that a large scale conference such as this will be just the type of intervention he needs to realize exactly how beautiful he is and ween him off of the graphic/bedazzled t-shirts. Let us teach you how to dress, Ryan! You deserve to look pretty and, just like L'Oreal says, you're worth it!

Oh, Yes They Did! 12/1/08

2008-12-01T18:50:00.001-08:00

Thanks to everyone who listened in to "Oh, Yes They Did!" tonight. Here is the playlist in case you missed it:

1. I Can't Stay - The Killers
2. Concrete and Clay - Unit 4 + 2
3. Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar
4. Just What I Needed - The Cars
5. Livin' Thing - ELO

Another lovely Monday evening for the ladies of OYTD. First order of business: the poll results from the blog. Cullen Jones (aka Chocolate Love TM) reigned supreme as your choice for most stylish! Of course we were very pleased with the results and we would have been even more so if we didn't have to record a PSA to stop all of you from stuffing the ballot box in Reezy's favor! Now granted I know that all of us turn a blind eye to his fashion faux pas every once in a while because he's just so cute (and because we need to shield our eyes from the bling or we'll literally go blind) but there is no WAY that Cullen Jones was only 3 votes more stylish then Mr. Lochte! Luckily for my sanity, Cullen Jones did reign supreme in the end which tells us that while you're all hypnotized by Lochte's hotness (or perhaps slightly intoxicated thanks to the fumes from all the gel in his hair) you can sometimes be impartial. I have to say, though, you're not that impartial because my man Brandon Flowers, who was looking hot a HALE in GQ, only got 8 votes - just one more than a fresh-off-the-slip-n-slide Michael Phelps. At least he was able to beat the great MP overall, can't say the same for Barack Obama (shame!)

Now of course we couldn’t miss talking about the biggest news of the weekend. Thanks to the remarkable (and slightly creepy) internet searching abilities of some of our friends over at The Daily Reezy, we’ve been getting the inside scoop on Reezy's life. You see, some of them got in early on friending Ryan on before he was flooded with Facebook friend requests and cut off most of the outside world. Thanks to a post on Ryan’s wall suggesting the possibility, we’ve been stirring over this alleged “modeling” that Sir Lochte might be doing for Calvin Klein in the near future. Of course we all thought this was a good call on Calvin’s part because, well, he’s gorgeous. Well finally after months of speculation and anticipation some very model-y pictures of Sir Lochte, King of Jeahmaica were set loose on the unsuspecting ovaries of his faithful servants. Now, we don't know for sure if these were take for the infamous designer mentioned above (the style is a bit off) but they're so good, we don't really care. Honestly, all I have to say about them is GOOD GOD. I literally had to take a breath - I might have even grabbed a glass of water and fanned myself with the first flat object I could find. Who would have known that he could look just as good in clothing as he does in 2 inches of fabric soaking wet? Quite an accomplishment. I mean, it was always obvious to us here at OYTD that he was blessed with good looks and super human ovary bursting abilities but this is just ridiculous. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. In terms of judging the pictures, Valeria favored the more “dapper” photo in the group featuring a Reezy with hair slicked back and sporting a pinstripe suit paired with a light pink shirt (seems like he was trying to recreate this look at the Golden Goggles but failed miserably - in the photo it’s simply beautiful. ) My personal favorite was a very sweet looking Ryan wearing a crisp white (and fitted!) button shirt just smiling into the camera – a Ryan worthy of bringing home to mom (as long as he promises to stay completely silent at the dinner table.) Being that my mother is a cougar, I showed her the pictures, turned to her and declared “he doesn’t have to be smart.” When you look that good, it’s true. This shoot is, in simple terms, pure hotness - Reezy, baby, cayenne pepper, no salt. On a side note, glad to see that Reezy is getting some attention, even if it’s just for his looks. Michael Fred can’t be grabbing up all the post-Olympic glory around here! He might be getting a truck load of endorsements and may have even done a little of what he calls “modeling” but he’s never come out with anything half as fierce as this. How can I put this delicately? You see, when you look like Michael you have to have a good personality, Ryan doesn’t – the fact that he does (and loves The Notebook) is just a plus. Now, even though Reezy is looking FINE in those photos, we would like to remind you all that these were released after our poll closed which means there was no excuse for him to get as many votes as he did on our "Most Stylish" poll, but I digress.

A wise man once said "you can't bring a ho to a hotel," but Michael Phelps did! Actually, he found one there. That's right y'all! Mikey got himself a girlfriend! Phelps is allegedly dating some girl who calls herself Caz (what? Exactly.) She's a cocktail waitress at the Palms and, before being most famous for being Michael Phelps' girlfriend, took a few scandalous photographs in her day. Needless to say, my Google alerts were blowing up this weekend with news about this supposed coupling. Ignoring the fact that she's a waitress (which I don't have a problem with because hey, hoes gotta eat too) and the fact that she took some risque photos (which I do have a problem with) what the hell is he thinking bringing her home to Mama Phelps?! You know Debbie isn't gonna stand for any of this crap. According to all these stories, Phelpsicle brought her home for Thanksgiving after dating her for two months. Two months! Now, maybe to a normal guy who isn't still attached at the umbilical chord or thanks his mother every chance he gets in that small, little boy voice (which is both endearing and worrisome) it would seem ok to invite your new girlfriend over for dinner - you know like on a Tuesday in the middle of September -but it is NOT ok to bring home your new girlfriend of two months to THANKSGIVING! Are you effing crazy?! Michael, Michael, Michael... I know you've spent a lot of time in the water over the years so you may have missed out on some very important social hazing during some crucial developmental stages but considering your creepily close relationship with Mama Phelps and the not-so-good-girl appearance of your new lady love, you should really know better. You do not, I repeat do NOT bring her home for Thanksgiving! From what I've seen, Debbie seems like a very smart lady and, at times, kind of a hardass - not to mention those 2 older sisters. You grew up in a house of women! You are their prized male possession, Michael! Unless you want this woman's limbs ripped off like the Turkey on the table, you better keep her under wraps until a less important family-centric occasion comes up. As for his lady friend, we really don't know much about her (she good be taking nudey photos to pay her way through medical school for all we know!) but let's just hope she's not a Gold digger - no pun intended.

You all know I've been making fun of this Phelps/Subway deal for the past few days. The thing is, I know Michael Phelps is pretty much the hottest thing out there right now and it makes sense for him to snatch up endorsement deals (gotta make that money!) but you can't spread yourself too thin or it looks disingenuous - like Beyonce! Girl please, I know she ain't dying her hair with no Loreal at-home dye kit. Just because you earned a record number of medals, doesn't mean you need to try and rack up a record number of endorsement deals. Phelps' agent defended the decision sa ying "the difference is that Michael Jordan only played in one brand of shoes while Phelps has constantly been forthcoming about his love for a variety of foods and a variety of quick-service restaurants." Now, I see where he was going with this - Phelps never declared an alliance with one brand and likes multiple items so the logic is that he should be able to endorse multiple products but he kind of shoots himself in the foot with his explanation. Yeah, Jordan only played in one brand of shoes - that was the point. Now everyone on the planet knows what those shoes are, and knows that they're his - because he only played in one pair. Advice to Michael and his agent - give old Mikey enough time with one company to actually establish some sort of relationship so they can build a recognizable association in peoples' minds. Endorsements mean nothing if we can't remember what companies they're for or that you're even doing them! Oh and Mikey, don't just stick to the talking points - it makes you look stiff. Besides, saying you like Subway 'cause "the sandwiches taste good" seems more honest then rambling on about your life goals for the first 10 minutes. Someone get Mikey's agent on the horn and tell him to call me. I'll be graduating in May with a degree in marketing and I'll be needing me a J-O-B!

Congrats to Bonnie and Heather who answered our trivia questions and won their very own copies of "The Audacity of Hope" by President-Elect Barack Obama tonight! Thanks to Julia - you'll be getting a fabulous consolation prize (when I think of one)

P.S. Before anyone rips my head off and eats it for dinner, totally kidding about all the 'ho' stuff. I just think that song is funny and the hotel thing kind of just fit considering her current employer.

An Open Letter to Nick Jonas

2008-11-27T08:35:00.001-08:00

Dear Nick Jonas,

My name is Candace. I am 21 years old and finishing my senior year in College. I am writing to you to ask, rather beg you, to stop what you are doing immediately. I do not know if you realize this, but you are making women far older than you lust after your jailbait self. I find your gravity defying curls, unnaturally muscular physique, guitar playing skills and mature fashion sense inappropriate and wrong. Though these would all be considered desirable qualities in an age appropriate male, a 16 year old boy displaying said qualities causes confusion and shame in women, such as myself, who find themselves enjoying them all the same. I ask that you stop these practices until your 18th birthday when it will become socially acceptable for me to find you attractive.

I should have probably started at the beginning. You see, I didn't even know who you were until June of this year but by some strange turn of events I ended up seeing the music video for "Burnin' Up" in which you appear as a James Bond like character - hair slicked back and wearing a suit more fit for a man than a boy of 16. I later learned that you had recently gotten a haircut which turned your curly fro-like 'do into a more minimal, stylish and mature coif. This haircut, no doubt, was partially responsible for my immediate fondness for you. After seeing the video, it only got worse - I couldn't escape you! More videos were released, more pictures flooded the internet - it was a Jonas summer. On my part perhaps even a few magazine purchased here and there but I stand by the claim that Rolling Stone is still considered a legitimate publication. While I would rather not delve into the details of my purchasing the magazine (frantically running the streets of New York in search of a newsstand with the magazine in stock the Wednesday before it's nationwide Friday release) it is one of the more age appropriate magazines that satisfied my need to read about the Brothers Jonai. In my heart I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't help it. I kept telling myself that I was simply fascinated by the
phenomenon you and your brothers had created and denied my true feelings.

Now that you understand my problem, Nicholas, I must be honest with you and say that I am hurt by your constant deception. You regularly appear far older than you birth certificate suggests, yet from time to time a photograph or video will surface in which your cherubic face and high pitched singing voice will remind me of your true age and crush my dreams. You went on the VMAs in your fancy suspenders, hair curled to perfection and performed a guitar solo on your green (which happens to be my favorite color) electric guitar – and I felt the stirrings. Sometimes you proceed to remove your tie or unbutton your shirt during a performance and again and I feel both amused and uncomfortable. After several of these occurrences you will once again re-emerge on television or in a music video but things will be different. You will look like the child that you are and I will feel ashamed! Why oh why must you play with my emotions little Nicholas?!

Though the fact that you have a girlfriend should deter the above mentioned feelings, this presents another problem altogether. You see, your girlfriend Selena Gomez is half Mexican, which leads me to believe that you enjoy the Latin flavor. Being half Peruvian myself, knowledge of your current relationship status with another Latin lady (50% to be exact) makes me wonder – could I, too, entrance you with my dark hair and Sazon sprinkling abilities?

I worry that you are oblivious to your powers. Do you know that you and your brothers are the sole reason my friend Christopher and I attended a taping of TRL, a show that I hate to the depths of my soul? That you are the reason I sat with a group of people I knew I hated before I even met? A group of people who almost impaired my ability to properly distinguish colors thanks to their overly orange spray tans and bleach blonde hair? Yes Nicholas, it was you who did this. You made a 21 year old straight female and a 20 year old gay male attend a taping of TRL with a group of teenagers on an August afternoon where they stuck out like sore thumbs just to catch a glimpse of the boy whom they have nicknamed “Jailbait Jonas.” Shortly after, I saw your tour bus on the street outside of Madison Square Garden (a few weeks before your 16th birthday.) I watched your fans write loving messages to you and your brothers with their multi-colored sharpies and suddenly felt compelled to purchased a black permanent marker. The prospect of vandalizing your tour bus was thrilling and seemed like an appropriate way of releasing these pent up emotions. I wrote "15 will get you 20" in large, black bubble letters on both sides for everyone to see. It was meant to be somewhat humorous but only served as a reminder that our love could never be.

This madness has got to stop! My love for you has become a source of embarrassment and worry. Though technically an attraction to a teenager of 16 is not in the DSM IV (and therefore not considered a mental disorder) I feel quite uncomfortable with the fact that you were born in the 1990s and consequently may have never had the pleasure of viewing such Nickelodeon classics as "Rocco's Modern Life" or "Legends of the Hidden Temple." Your lack of knowledge in the subject matter of these television programs alone tells me that you are far too young for me and that, though I am but a mere 21 years old, may be considered a “cougar” for enjoying for curly ringlets and adolescent swagger. With all this considered, Nicholas, until the arrival of your 18th birthday I shall deny my true feelings and pretend to enjoy your brother Joe, who is a more socially acceptable (and legal) 19 years old (even though Kevin is my actual age I do not find him in the least bit attractive and would only be lying to myself in the fullest sense if I were to claim him as my favorite.) Though our love may be legal in about 46 states, my morals are telling me that it is wrong (my morals and the potential threat of incarceration in my home state of New York .)

I do not think that a sensitive soul like myself would do well in jail. As an avid fan of television just the thought of cutting down to one hour per day is simply terrifying – not to mention the actual horrors of jail that I do not wish to speak of. I don’t even think they let you wear makeup in jail! This would not only be frightening for me but for all those who would be forced to come into contact with me on a daily basis. And bartering cigarettes for protection or asking my sister to bring me cakes with razor blades baked into the center are not things I wish to do in the near future. Oh, Nicholas, don’t you see the trouble you’ve caused? For the sake of my freedom and wellbeing I ask that you cease and desist your practices of hotness-beyond-your-years. I know that I will certainly miss your perfectly coiffed hair, flawless skin and impeccable wardrobe, but I feel that this is for the best and would not ask unless it was a matter of extreme importance.

Thanking you in advance,
Candace

P.S. Tell Joe that I will throw down with Taylor Swift if she doesn’t stop talking trash about him.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T07:00:00.001-08:00

Mind Your G's and Q's

2008-11-26T07:30:00.001-08:00

As many of you already know (thanks to your Google alerts and unwavering loyalty to Michael Phelps) GQ’s men of the year issue came out recently and, as you may also know, the issue was released with various covers. The thing is, precisely 50% of the covers are simply lame. Also, some of the men featured inside the mag are pretty yawn-worthy. What exactly were the criteria for being declared a man of the year? It seems like after Phelps and Obama they let just about anyone hold the title. Jon Hamm? Aside from the fact that my sister has a huge crush on him and refers to him as her husband, I really don't know 2 things about this guy. I do know that he's on a show called Mad Man on A & E - I hear it's pretty great but I also hear that nobody is watching it so... Man of the Year? I think not. And Leonardo DiCaprio? What exactly did he do this year aside from sending me REALLY annoying reverse psychology youtubes telling me not to vote? I swear to God these things were so annoying I almost didn't vote just to piss old Leo off. How would you feel about that, Romeo?! Apparently John Malkovich was on the list too - as the "Mad Genius." I can't say he seems any more "mad" or "genius" this year than any other year, so why the accolades now? He's been a good actor and a strange person for DECADES now! They even made a movie about how "mad" he is - it's called Being John Malkovich and it's just about the weirdest thing I've ever seen. By the way it was made about 10 years ago so GQ is a little late on this whole “John Malkovich is weird” thing. Now, I'm not going to diss on General Patraeus being featured in the mag because I'm not one to insult men in uniform, but to be honest with you I didn't know much about this guy until the election - John McCain was dropping his name like it was going out of style! Y'all know it's true. But I suppose he's one of the only other men featured in the issue that's deserving of the title (and Danny McBride just because he's funny and I said so.) Possibly the worst choice for Man of the Year was Jason Statham. You have got to be kidding me! This guy is the definition of the one trick pony. I went to the movies a couple weeks ago and a trailer for a movie starring this joker came on - my eyes could not roll back far enough into my skull to express how displeased I was. Guess what movie it was for. The Transporter 3. Let me repeat that. The Transporter THREE. Now I don't see what issues they left unresolved in the other two films that made it necessary for them to extend the series into a third film, but that's beside the point. The point is that this was the third installment of a crappy move franchise and that just proves that he's really incapable of doing little else aside from blowing stuff up and making out with scantily clad women. Lochte... did you have something to do with this? We all know you have an affinity for explosives. The thing is, GQ is essentially a men's magazine so that could explain why Mr. Statham was chosen but they know when they come out with a hot Michael Fred on the cover, us ladies are going to be the ones buying it ! Don’t tell me they honestly thought that Phelps doused in water and showing us his girly tattoo was supposed to be appealing to men – not straight men anyway. The ladies of the world are buying this magazine so give us a little content please!

Now to my boy Phelps. This is someone who is actually deserving of the title. Sure, "acting" is considered "work" but there's no way it compares to the kind of work this guy puts up with. Not only does he put up with it, he excells at it. Once he gets in the water he destroys everyone in his path - breaking world records (and hearts) along the way. It's like he's Godzilla and the water is a Japanese City (or New York City if you’re thinking of the terrible 1998 version with Matthew Broderick.) He’s tearing it up! He broke his wrist and he still killed it in Beijing - granted he broke his wrist slipping on a patch of ice which is almost as bad as breaking your ankle chasing your dog around but… give the guy some credit! He had pins put in his wrist so he could get back to training faster. PINS! That is both disgusting and admirable. Some haters have come out of the woodwork since his meteoric rise to fame (haters to the left, please) but during the Olympics he made almost the ENTIRE United States feel both proud and extraordinarily lazy - because while he was swimming at record speeds our sluggish fat asses were glued to our couches watching him do it. I'm pretty certain gym memberships sky rocketed following August 17th because people started realizing that while Phelps 10,000 calorie-a-day diet was justified, theirs wasn't. No offense to Kelloggs, but the last thing I want when I’m ladling a punch bowl of Frosted Flakes into my mouth is to see his face staring back at me, reminding me of what a lazy fatty I am – but I digress. Anyway, there is no way Jack from Titanic (who drowned in the water, I might add) can compare with this machine. If Phelps were on the Titanic he would have jumped off the boat, swam to shore at world record speed and told somebody about that big old ice berg. Disaster averted.

And how could I forget Obama? Oh that’s right, I didn’t! Of course he's a Man of the Year! Look at this suave ass President-elect, goddamn! But seriously guys aside from all the messianic hype surrounding him, he's created a movement like nothing I've ever seen. He's so awesome I've become obsessed with his offspring! That's right, I think Sasha Obama is just about the coolest kid out there - toothless grin and all. She's toothless and she doesn't care! She's smiling as big as ever. Really though, Obama is a pretty impressive guy. Even if you didn't vote for him (though I can't see why you wouldn't and you’ll probably say you did in 20 years) you have to respect what he's done in his own life and for this country. He's not only the first African American president-elect of the United States but he won over some pretty tough states in the election. Did you see those maps on election night? Look at all that blue! Aside from that, we got a Grammy winner going to the white house! You heard (well read, actually) what I said! Obama received, not one, but two Grammy's for the audio version of his books "Dreams from My Father" and "The Audacity of Hope" Now given the fact that I have yet to read either of these books, maybe I should look into getting the audio version. I'm guessing he's the one reading them and If that's the case, count me in! He has a voice that could lull a baby to sleep - or a 21 year old college student. No lie, I listened to his podcast on the greyhound bus to New York and fell into a 2 hour slumber. It was quite peaceful, with a hint of hope and change and just a dash of democracy. If you like listening to him speak (I surely do!) you can download the vintage "U.S. Senator Barack Obama Podcast," the campaign centric "Official Barack Obama Video Podcast" or the very new "Your Weekly Address from the President-Elect" from iTunes. Insomnia, no more!

In general, this list is like prepackaged pancake mix - uneven consistency. There's lumps everywhere! I’m sure if you called up Jon Hamm (go ahead, call him. I’m sure he’s not doing much anyway) he’d agree that he is nowhere near as important or influential as my boys. I am sorry (though I’m really not) but these jokers do not hot a candle to my Phelpsicle and my Barry. What did they really do to deserve this title? It just seems ridiculous to me that the most accomplished Olympian in History and the first African American President-Elect are in the same category with a reject from Growing Pains (you hear me, Leo?!) and a dude from a show nobody watches. I suppose when you pick two of the most high profile people ever, the rest of the list can only go downhill. It's sort of like at the Academy Awards - you have all these amazing A-listers and then you have the seat fillers. We'll call Leo, Jon and the rest of the guys in the issue, page fillers. Place your bets on which covers sell the most.

Just for giggles, check out Anderson Cooper “race” the Almighty Michael Phelps below:

Thanks to Crystal for the video. You know I love my Phelps in a Speedo! P.S. I like how Anderson Cooper says Michael is "relatively out of shape" in this video. He might be considered out of shape for competition but he looks effing tasty, don't you agree? Seriously y'all, haters to the LEFT. I hear they have comfortable chairs and provide complimentary sodas.